Post # 1
My Future Father In Law is boycotting our wedding because of his wife. His wife is a total monster. She is not my fiancé’s mother and had a poor relationship with my fiancé. The step mother is very controlling, rude, nasty and has no respect. She can be wonderful or a total nightmare, just depends on the day. She has gone off on me a number of times but my fiancé would beg me not to say anything because he didn’t want to upset his father. The father says nothing when she goes ballistic which only gives her license to do it again. The straw that broke the camels back was her behavior at our engagement party. She was upset with me because I couldn’t afford to contribute to the dessert options. She cursed me out via text a few days before the party but again my fiancé asked me to ignore her. At the party she stole money from us (gifts from the guests), called me a fat c**t repeatandty throughtout the night and eventually threw myself, my fiance and my family out the restaurant. She then began a campaign to have my fiancé’s family turn on me and have the wedding cancelled.
She he has not stopped the harassment even until today. We made the decision not to invite her to our wedding because of how vile she has been. We definitely want my father in law to attend but he refuses unless we apologize to her and invite her to the wedding. We feel strongly she is too toxic to ever have in our life. My fiance’s family is in agreement with us and has turned their backs on her too. I feel horrible for my fiancé that his father won’t be there but I don’t want to compromise our happiness for her. I don’t know what else to do!
Post # 2
nyhunny2: Haaaaaaaaaaaave you tried having a sit-down one on one with her?
I don’t blame the father for not wanting to go without his wife, but at the same time you don’t want to have her there and won’t compromise his attendance for hers as well. I think that you need to have a serious one on one, discuss what her issues are, find common ground and have an adult/calm discussion. If she is unable to have one, tell her what will not be accepted at your wedding, and if she is not willing to abide by your set rules, she will be thrown out by whoever (security at the facility or other family members). Can’t say ya didn’t try then!
Post # 3
Good riddance. I wouldn’t give her another thought. She sounds crazy.
Post # 4
bklynbridetobe: talking about me orrrr lady from the OP story? lol
Post # 5
restraining order? That’s dramatic, however appropriate
the father is adult who makes his own choices. He is the one living with the consequences, I cannot imagine home life is pleasant for him. He is the one who will regret missing his sons wedding
Post # 6
nyhunny2: You know what? To hell with your father in law. He’s enabling his wife’s atrocious (and abusive) behavior. There comes a point when you have to decide whether you’re really going to cut someone toxic out of your life, and sometimes other relationships are collateral damage. It sucks, but it’s necessary (and frankly FFIL’s reactions say a lot about what kind of person he is as well).
She has no allies in that family other than her husband. If he wants to choose this woman over everyone else, that’s his problem, not your FI’s. He either comes to the wedding (and every other family event you host from now on) alone, or not at all. His daddy doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it too.
Imagine that you and your Fiance (and your family) are allergic to insect stings, and imagine that every time you saw Future Father-In-Law he brought along and unleashed a large jar of angry hornets. When you ask him not to bring the jar to your wedding, he tells you that if the jar stays, he stays. Would your Fiance still be telling you to apologize and let him bring it?
Post # 7
Agree with Speck_ for sure. Your father in law is in the wrong here. It’s unfortuate that he is taking her side, but she is a real piece of work…
Post # 8
You can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family. I have a number of family members that are not invited to my wedding. One uncle asked if his sister, my aunt was coming, then he would not. It is our special day and frankly I would rather not invite them and have them ruin the day. I am upset that my dad is coming but won’t walk me down the aisle and give me away. He said he did it once, that was enough. My fiancé is footing the whole bill, it is not like we are asking him for so much as a dime. So I have have a handful of family, but the bulk are friends. And really isn’t that who we want on our special day? People we want to be there. So if crazy step mom is not coming, so be it. It seems strange that your fiancé is not stepping in to tell the crazy lady to cool it. I would feel hurt if my guy’s mom was harassing me and he not only would not defend me, but tell me to be quiet. I would let him have it as well. Thankfully my guy stands with me when I deal with problem family members, not silently by telling me to take it. I did go on a rant about my cousin a few months back and he agreed with me, no more inviting her to parties or gatherings at the house being she was spreading nasty gossip about me that was not true.
Post # 9
She stole from your gifts? and called you names? wow weee I have no words for this adult woman who behaves like shes 4.
Post # 10
How is your fiance ok with her step-mother stealing from you and cursing at you/calling you vile names? Father or not, he should have stepped in and nipped that in the bud immediately! And Father-In-Law should not have allowed her to continue to do that as well.
If Father-In-Law chooses to not come, then he will be the one with the regrets.
Post # 11
If she really stole gifts, I would have filed a police report.
Post # 12
I’m with the posters who suggest filing a police report and getting a restraining order. It’s a shame that Future Father-In-Law doesn’t see how toxic and abusive she is. Maybe if legal action is taken, he’ll get a clue (but I doubt it).
At least you may be able to recoup some of your wedding gifts / the montary value of them from her if you file a police report and they are able to prove that she stole them (TOTALLY not the point I know, but just saying…).
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
I’d give them a Bye Felicia and not think twice about it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
nyhunny2: You did what needed to be done, people like her will never stop and they cannot be reasoned with. Everything will always be about her and she will FIND a way to make your wedding day miserable. If your Future Father-In-Law doesn’t see that, it’s his loss.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone!! I apologize I neglected to mention my fiancé did call her after the party however she screamed at him, cursed him out, called him a loser and said that I’m a gold digger. She also said I’m a POS and my fiancé unloaded on her. They were just screaming back and forth, nothing productive. He also spoke with his father and the “father” shrugged his shoulder and told him I’m not coming to your wedding. I spoke to my future father in law (he was civil) and I told him how badly he is hurting his son. He again shrugged his shoulders. My future father in law is a broken, depressed, poor excuse for a man. He is selfish and doesn’t want to rock the boat in his own house.