Post # 1
I’m new here but have definitely been reading for a while!
My Fiance and I recently got engaged and are getting married in about 7 months (since it allows us to have our dream venue within our shoe-string budget).
Recently, I thought that it would be really sweet to have Future Father-In-Law be the officiant for the ceremony. He’s a lawyer, loves speaking in front of people and really knows how to make people laugh and feel comfortable. Fiance and I both thought it would be really special to have someone who knows us marry us since we don’t currenly belong to a church.
However, FI’s parents are divorced which adds a layer of complexity. Future Father-In-Law has remarried, Future Mother-In-Law has not. We ran the idea by Future Mother-In-Law to see if she would be comfortable and she got very, very upset. We anticipated her not being thrilled, but we thought she would understand; we also had invited her to participate in the ceremony by singing (as it is a hobby of hers).
I feel terrible that she thinks we are trying to ruin the wedding for her. Having Future Father-In-Law as an officiant was something we both really wanted but we are now thinking about finding a random officiant. Additionally, this now means finding a bit more money in our shoestring budget!
Any advice? Were we out of line to want to ask my Future Father-In-Law even though he has been divorced? Should we ask her to try and put the past aside for our special day?
Post # 3
I think it is really sweet that you obviously care very much about this woman’s feelings. Not every Future Mother-In-Law is so lucky. You might try finding out why she objects. She may just have been expecting a traditional minister. Also I would check and see about the laws in your state/county. Fiance is an ordained minister with an M. Div but he has to register in that state before he can marry someone there. Most of the time that is quick and painless but sometimes it isn’t (encountered lately). Hopefully seven months would give them enough time to process that paperwork but who knows. If this continues to be an issue you might have FFIL do something else like a prayer or reading. At the end of the day though this is your wedding and you need to do what is right for the two of you.Good luck and keep us posted please!
Post # 4
It’s your wedding day. It’s really nice of you to consider your FMIL’s feelings, but ultimately, it’s your day and you should be married by whomever you feel most comfortable with.
Post # 5
thanks ladies. i appreciate the support and thoughts! i will keep you posted.
Post # 6
Maybe ask her why she doesn’t approve. If she genuinely wants a traditional minister or she is still upset about the divorice. I mean he’d be invited to the wedding regardless right? And his new wife? So why does it really matter if he is the officiant or not, it’ll save you money. I thought maybe she’s upset because he’d play a bigger part in the wedding than her, but you did invite her to participate in the wedding also.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone for the advice – Fiance and I gave her some time and when she was ready to talk again we asked her a lot of the questions you suggested.
She ended up speaking with her minister and learned that having a family member or friend officiate is common with our generation. She ended up giving us her blessing to do whatever makes us happiest.
I think she’ll still be slighly uncomfortable because I think some of the original objection had to do with bitterness of the divorce. Fiance and I decided we are going to do more research down both avenues – getting Father-In-Law certified to marry us as well as a traditional officiant and then decide what we think will be best for us.