Post # 1
I keep wishing this was a bad dream, but it just isn’t.
My dad informed me that he will not be attending our wedding.
He gave several reasons why:
– This is my 2nd marriage and he doesn’t approve of a wedding celebration – no matter the size
we are having about 50 guests- all family- for an informal early evening wedding and reception.
– He also feels that the wedding is too expensive.
The cost is $4500. He was not asked to cover a dime of it- nor did we plan to ask him or anyone since this is an ‘encore’ wedding.
– He is also very upset that his current wife is NOT invited.
His current wife and I have a toxic and strained relationship. Recently, she said some cruel things to my 14 year old son- who was very upset. He RAN from the dinner table when she made the comments in fornt of my family. When she was confronted, she refused to apologize. My son and I had to discuss what she did in family counseling and I promised him she would not be allowed to be near him to disrespect him again.
Have any of you ever dealt with this? I know that I am making the right choice- but it really HURTS.
Post # 3
I am sorry. There is nothing you can do in this case I am assuming. These are his beliefs and you probably are not going to change them.
At most you could tell him, if its true, that him not attending will hurt your relationship and does he believe in your relationship or in his marriage beliefs more? The problem with this is if he choses against you, it will hurt more.
Post # 4
Sounds like this has more to do with the wife than anything. Not inviting a spouse almost ensures the invited one won’t be attending. After all, how would you feel if your husband was invited to a wedding but you were told you were not welcome, would you iron his shirt and send him on his way to that wedding? Probably not, you would probably let the air out of hsi tires before you let him go. Although it sounds like she’s a ery spiteful woman and totally in the wrong, she probably thinks her actions were justified or that she did nothing wrong, so you can’t fix this situation unless you try to make ammends with both of them before the wedding. If this is out of the question, I’d just say “dad, I love you…I want you to be there with me but if you can’t I understand, there will be a seat with your name on it anyway”.
Post # 5
My father didn’t go to my wedding either (my 1st and only, to date…. not planning on others, but you can’t predict the future). It hurts A LOT. He didn’t even give me the respect of dropping the SELF STAMPED envelope in the mail to RSVP and let me know he wouldn’t be there. Not worth a phone call either.
If you feel like you will resent him for not coming or that it will strain your relationship later, I would swallow my pride and extend an invitation to the wife. He’s worth more to have in your life later, isn’t he?
Post # 6
I dont really get why you would even want him there anywayy, considering hes not acting like a normal or even sane father. I would appreciate who actually WANTS to be there even more, and write him off as a wash.
Post # 7
I’m really sorry you are going through this, but it really sounds more like it has to do with the fact his wife is not invited. But you are completely in the right for not inviting her.
Post # 8
It does sound like the real issue is that his wife is not invited. And honestly I am not sure it is appropriate for him to attend a wedding that his wife was not invited to, whether the ommission was justified or not. I’m sure it is not any easier for him being asked to choose between his daughter and his wife than it is for you having to choose between your son and your father.
Post # 9
My ex did the same thing to me and my daughter as your Father did to your family. My daughter was married last year. I invited her father only, no wife and especially the TWO sons that were conceived during his relationship with me. I invited his siblings and their sposues who NEVER ONCE called or visited my daughter for 21 years and we all lived in the same town. We made it clear that if the wife or their sons showed up somedbody was going down, and if they wanted to come under those conditions they were welcome.
I reserved them a family table and invited them to join in when we took pictures. We were very civil to them and they responded accordingly. We daven’t spoken since but it all went well. You father knows the role his wife played in destroying your family, adnd thier son is only a reminder of their betryal. He chose who was more important to him a long time ago. I say to h*ell with all of them, enjoy your day and be happy!! He chose her then and he’s chosing her now. Forget them.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees for your insight…
Quick Update: My dad and I have talked several times. I let him know that I love him and will always respect him, my decision stands. I will still mail him and invitation and if he decides to attend, that is his choice.
I also talked to my mom and her and my fiance support this decision 100%. This woman has caused such havoc in my family’s life that it would be ridiculous to invite her. If I walk down the aisle (and that is a big if at this point) either my son’s or my mom will walk me.
I am still hurting- but I am moving toward peace on this issue.
Post # 11
I hope you find peace in this situation. I think you handled it well. I know from personal experience what you are going through. I dhope he comes and sudpdports you. If he doesn’t please don’t let it spoil your day.
Post # 12
Sweetie, I really hope you do find peace with the issue. Because this is your special day, and nothing should ruin it. You should be flashing your beautiful smile & be happy on the inside. To me this definetly sounds like a whipped situation. Older multiple-time married men, especially, like to listen to their wives and stand by them, no matter how wrong they are, because they’re afraid of another marriage melt-down.
You’re the bigger person for sending the invitation to your father, and hopefully he stands up and says he will attend. If not, then God bless, and go on with your big day. Because if there is love & understanding beside you, don’t let the negative energy pull you down.
Best wishes xoxoxox
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
@Keisha In Love: Good for you for being the bigger person in this situation- sending him the invite is the right thing to do. You’re showing your son how important he is to you- what a great mom. 🙂
Post # 14
Ugh I’m so sorry. I completely understand why you are upset and have every right to be! Unfortunately, our parents are not always the best people on earth