(Closed) Father is threatening to not attend the wedding….in three weeks.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@WillyNilly:  That’s total BS. This is your wedding, not theirs. If they wanted those people there then they should have said something earlier. I’m on your side. Both of our families have been great and even though FI’s mom gave me a huge list, we made it very clear that if they want those people there (these are people I mostly don’t know but are close with my Fiance in a family-friend way) then they’ll have to pay the bill. I can’t imagine being forced to invite people to my own wedding that I don’t want there or just don’t care to have there

Post # 4
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

ARGH!!!!

You didn’t do anything wrong by not inviting members of your Dad’s family. Out of thirteen cousins, I only invited the one I’ve seen/had any contact with in the past five years. If it was so important to your Dad for those people to be invited, he should have checked with you a LONG time ago. A month before the wedding- too late, so sad.

If your Mom really goes through with this invite BS, can you have any sort of “bouncer” at the wedding? It’s going to be rather awkward if there are no chairs/meals for people… your Mom realizes that will happen, right?

I guess I don’t have any “kind” words, other than I support you completely, and am pi$$ed off for you. 

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your parents are absolutely wrong. Let your mother go ahead and purchase those invites. All can come to the ceremony but have a hostess at the door with the list of who can come to the reception and make sure uninvited guests do not come inside. Have the hostess explain it was YOUR MOTHER, and not you, who sent them a bogus invitation.

Stick to your guns and call your dad’s bluff. If he won’t come, walk yourself down the aisel. They are being selfish.

Post # 6
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

that sucks, they are being totally unreasonable.  and there’s no reasoning or being logical with some people.  explain to your mom that she cannot invite these people with no seats or food for them!  hello?!  stand your ground, they will just have to get over it.

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fuck that.  

Fuck that, let him make an omelette!!!

Rock your day how you want and keep your head up.

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@WillyNilly:  I would let your parents know you will NOT tolerate this. Those invited last minute WILL NOT be invited to the reception and you will have a hostess explain to them that it was THEM, not YOU, who did this.!!!!!!!

Post # 10
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Stand your ground. Its your wedding.  

Post # 11
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Agree with the others on this one. You need to stand your ground unless you really don’t mind having the extra people there, and it’s not too late to make changes. But if what you want is for them not to be there, then they should not be there. Tell your mom she can buy and send the invitations, but they will not be allowed into the wedding (like others have said, make sure your reception site follows through). My mom was trying to push her way on a few issues (stupid things, like wanting to give out her own favor) and I told her if she goes out and buys it she’ll just be wasting money because I won’t use it. That got her to drop it, haha.

Post # 12
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG, I want to reach over and smack your parents in the face for you and tell them to stop being so absurd.  Do not give in!  This is your wedding and you do not want a bunch of family relatives that you don’t know well or talk to ever at your wedding just because they’re having a little fit that they weren’t invited.  Truth be told, had they been invited, I bet they would have talked about it behind your back adn said it was weird that they were invited since they barely know you/spend time with you.

Put your mom in her place immediately.  Tell her that she will not and cannot send out any invites on your behalf to a wedding you are having and paying for to people you do not want on the most important and happiest day of your life.  Remind her who the bride is and who the wedding is supposed to be about.

I would suggest perhaps a compromise.  Say you’re willing, after your wedding, to organize a dinner for everyone to go to.  It doesn’t have to be paid for and no gifts have to be exchanged.  Just a small get together for the people that weren’t invited to the actual wedding who want to be there to celebrate with you and they can all pay for their own darn dinner since you don’t even really want to celebrate with them anyway but if it’s SO important for them, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind this compromise. 

Post # 14
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@WillyNilly:    ((HUGS)) my girl.  Wow, I’m so sad to hear all this.  For what it’s worth, I have a crappy relationship with my dad, too, and the only person in my entire family I’m inviting to my wedding is my son.  My only guests will be my son, his girlfriend, my best friend and her boyfriend.  That’s it for my side.  The other 20 guests are from my FI’s family and I want it that way.

Unfortunately families aren’t always there for us or care about what is best for us.  I can’t believe your Mom would send invites that you don’t approve and you’re paying for the wedding, yikes!

Since it’s so close to your date (omg) I’m sure you don’t want a lot of drama and confrontation.  I hope you can reason with them to stop the madness already.

I wish I had more advice, but all I can say is I’m on your side and I hope and pray it works out well for you. 

Post # 16
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Wow, weddings just bring out the crazy in people, it’s unbelievable…

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