Post # 1
A little background. I am an only child and had a pretty rocky relationship with my father growing up. He basically didn’t understand what to do with me until I was about 21 and then suddenly he thought it was my responsibility to forge the relationship and be the person who contacts him all the time. I didn’t feed into it and the relationship has been one that is more like an acquaintance who gives you advice when you don’t ask for it. Anyway, my mother insisted that he walk me down the aisle (they are divorced but living together, I don’t even understant the status of their relationship), and I didn’t argue with it but wasn’t really comfortable with it since it felt very Leave It To Beaver social bullshit.
Fast forward 6 months and my mother accidently mentioned my wedding on Facebook in three weeks (leave it to FB to ruin yet ANOTHER wedding, lol) and my aunt was upset to learn that she wasn’t invited and called my dad. My dad on the other hand became pissed at me because through this process he now understands that I didn’t invite any of his family (he didn’t provide any contact info, and I didn’t ask). I have two counters to this: out of the thirty or so family members that I could have invited from my mom’s side, I chose her two sisters because I communicate with them regularly and we are involved in each other’s lives, including big life events like vow renewals, graduations, etc. I haven’t seen nor talked with his side of family in years (at least 5 )and they never invite me to life event/celebrations, email me, etc. Although his sister that is upset was one of my facebook friends but it’s not like we ever spoke. In addition, he has known about this wedding for at least 9 months. He never once checked in to find out who was invited, if I needed anything, etc. He is now blowing up because he has egg on his face. And insisting that every person in his family is invited…three weeks before the wedding…even though that is against my wishes. He says that’s what you’re supposed to do which I vehemently disagree with. In addition, my mother just called (yup, I was that woman you just saw crying and yelling in the hallway into her phone – you are welcome for the entertainment) and she is purchasing invites and sending them out whether I like it or not. In fact, she is trying to make me feel like an a**hole because had I had a JOP wedding, I would have to invite the entire family to that.
Lastly, she actually wants me to call up my father and APOLOGIZE for the ‘miscommunication’. I didn’t do anything wrong – I refuse to eat crow on this. This is my damn wedding. Oh and in case you were curious, my mother gifted me abouta $1k even know I didn’t want or need it. I still have the check. My father did not give me squat (remember that they’re divorced). I still don’t believe they get a say-so because of a gift, and I am 34 years old, put myself through college. I think that is all the background you need.
Need some perspective. Kind words only, this is not a day to pick a fight with me. o.O xoxo
Post # 3
@WillyNilly: That’s total BS. This is your wedding, not theirs. If they wanted those people there then they should have said something earlier. I’m on your side. Both of our families have been great and even though FI’s mom gave me a huge list, we made it very clear that if they want those people there (these are people I mostly don’t know but are close with my Fiance in a family-friend way) then they’ll have to pay the bill. I can’t imagine being forced to invite people to my own wedding that I don’t want there or just don’t care to have there
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You didn’t do anything wrong by not inviting members of your Dad’s family. Out of thirteen cousins, I only invited the one I’ve seen/had any contact with in the past five years. If it was so important to your Dad for those people to be invited, he should have checked with you a LONG time ago. A month before the wedding- too late, so sad.
If your Mom really goes through with this invite BS, can you have any sort of “bouncer” at the wedding? It’s going to be rather awkward if there are no chairs/meals for people… your Mom realizes that will happen, right?
I guess I don’t have any “kind” words, other than I support you completely, and am pi$$ed off for you.
Post # 5
Your parents are absolutely wrong. Let your mother go ahead and purchase those invites. All can come to the ceremony but have a hostess at the door with the list of who can come to the reception and make sure uninvited guests do not come inside. Have the hostess explain it was YOUR MOTHER, and not you, who sent them a bogus invitation.
Stick to your guns and call your dad’s bluff. If he won’t come, walk yourself down the aisel. They are being selfish.
Post # 6
that sucks, they are being totally unreasonable. and there’s no reasoning or being logical with some people. explain to your mom that she cannot invite these people with no seats or food for them! hello?! stand your ground, they will just have to get over it.
Post # 7
Thanks. I’m pretty sure with three weeks to go they probably won’t come since it’s two states away. But I would personally be offended if I recieved an ‘oops’ invite three weeks before. And my mother mentioned writing on the invite ‘no gifts’. I almost flipped. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN MENTION GIFTS IN THIS SITUATION? I feel like they have both gone batshit and I am just standing here going ‘wtf?’.
Post # 8
Fuck that, let him make an omelette!!!
Rock your day how you want and keep your head up.
Post # 9
@WillyNilly: I would let your parents know you will NOT tolerate this. Those invited last minute WILL NOT be invited to the reception and you will have a hostess explain to them that it was THEM, not YOU, who did this.!!!!!!!
Post # 10
Stand your ground. Its your wedding.
Post # 11
Agree with the others on this one. You need to stand your ground unless you really don’t mind having the extra people there, and it’s not too late to make changes. But if what you want is for them not to be there, then they should not be there. Tell your mom she can buy and send the invitations, but they will not be allowed into the wedding (like others have said, make sure your reception site follows through). My mom was trying to push her way on a few issues (stupid things, like wanting to give out her own favor) and I told her if she goes out and buys it she’ll just be wasting money because I won’t use it. That got her to drop it, haha.
Post # 12
OMG, I want to reach over and smack your parents in the face for you and tell them to stop being so absurd. Do not give in! This is your wedding and you do not want a bunch of family relatives that you don’t know well or talk to ever at your wedding just because they’re having a little fit that they weren’t invited. Truth be told, had they been invited, I bet they would have talked about it behind your back adn said it was weird that they were invited since they barely know you/spend time with you.
Put your mom in her place immediately. Tell her that she will not and cannot send out any invites on your behalf to a wedding you are having and paying for to people you do not want on the most important and happiest day of your life. Remind her who the bride is and who the wedding is supposed to be about.
I would suggest perhaps a compromise. Say you’re willing, after your wedding, to organize a dinner for everyone to go to. It doesn’t have to be paid for and no gifts have to be exchanged. Just a small get together for the people that weren’t invited to the actual wedding who want to be there to celebrate with you and they can all pay for their own darn dinner since you don’t even really want to celebrate with them anyway but if it’s SO important for them, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind this compromise.
Post # 13
Its a pretty casual event – we’re getting married on a trail and everyone is staying at the campsite or cabins in the area. Basically if they can score a campsite that day, they could very easily attend. And in all reality, if these people showed up, I totally wouldn’t turn these people away. The problem is that my folks know that I would never do that. But it’s not their right, and I’m absolutely livid that they are making the event about them. My mom actually suggested that had I had a JOP wedding, I still would have had to invite these people. She has lost her damn mind.
I AM SO PISSED. And all of this started over email while I was on my bachelor/ette weekend. And it’s still going. Nobody has asked me what I want. YES, her check is going back as soon as we can find it (it wasn’t that important to me since we have the $ so I just shoved it in a drawer. Meh.)
Post # 14
@WillyNilly: ((HUGS)) my girl. Wow, I’m so sad to hear all this. For what it’s worth, I have a crappy relationship with my dad, too, and the only person in my entire family I’m inviting to my wedding is my son. My only guests will be my son, his girlfriend, my best friend and her boyfriend. That’s it for my side. The other 20 guests are from my FI’s family and I want it that way.
Unfortunately families aren’t always there for us or care about what is best for us. I can’t believe your Mom would send invites that you don’t approve and you’re paying for the wedding, yikes!
Since it’s so close to your date (omg) I’m sure you don’t want a lot of drama and confrontation. I hope you can reason with them to stop the madness already.
I wish I had more advice, but all I can say is I’m on your side and I hope and pray it works out well for you.
Post # 15
@futuremrsk18: That is a great compromise. I would have suggested it had they not already put their foot down about inviting everyone. The more I think about how they have completely taken over this wedding, the more I don’t even want them there. How incredibly selfish.
Post # 16
Wow, weddings just bring out the crazy in people, it’s unbelievable…