(Closed) Father Not Excited for Me…AT ALL!!!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think what may be happening is your father could be having a hard time accepting that you’re grown. That includes accepting your choices. Eventually he’ll come around, or he won’t. Just keep in mind that this is his way of dealing, and try not to let it interfere with your plans.

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with Miss Helen. He’s just having a hard time letting his baby go. He will come around…

Even if you aren’t terribly close, I’m sure he always imagined you’d grow up and marry the president or a millionaire. That’s what all daddies want for their daughters! My father and I have had a rough relationship as well, but I know no matter how many fights we get into or how mad we get, he only has my best interests at heart and wants the best for me. I’m hoping your father feels the same way.

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I know how you feel, WhirlyGirl. My brother is the exact same way, and it’s really painful at times.

Post # 7
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

you are not your parents.

breathe.

only you and your fiance know the true nature of your relationship and all that comes with it (dreams, future, feelings etc). At the end of the day, it’s YOUR relationship, not you + Fiance + dad.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

I have pretty much the same situation except it’s my mom (my parents are divorced too). I tried at first, but after my mom told me point blank she would never see my Fiance as part of her family, I gave up trying. Not worth tying myself into knots over it. So much unnecessary drama and heartache – now I just go visit my mom alone and talk about other things than about my fiance (except in the most general terms). And, when you really get down to it, she doesn’t need to like (or accept) the situati  on. It’s not like its affecting her on a daily basis. I’m an adult; who I choose to build a life with has nothing to do with her.

And yes, I realize how much it sucks and I am so incredibly, truly sorry. It took me a really long time to be okay with what I’m telling you. I’ve been with my Fiance for 3 years and we got engaged in 09 with no firm plans to plan a wedding any time soon, which we were both fine with (I wanted to finish school, and then I decided to keep going this year). Now that I’ve set a date and am getting married next year, Mom flew into a tizzy and I got so many irate emails of how I’m too young and too broke to be planning a wedding and – I can’t make this stuff up – declined to go dress shopping with me because “she’d rather go in a few years when you have more money in the bank”. WTF?!

It’s heartbreaking, I know. But ultimately, its YOUR life, YOUR relationship, and YOUR future, NOT your fathers. It will be okay.

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think he is just having a hard time accepting that you are old enough to get married. In his eyes you still a little girl.

Post # 10
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

@whirlygirl

IDK I’ve met some pretty crap dads in my time..

Post # 12
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@WhirlyGirl:  Can I make a suggestion for your Fiance, as opposed to your father?  Leaving aside your father’s feelings on financial responsibility, it can’t be comfortable for your Fiance to be facing that kind of debt issues.  It could be worthwhile for him to contact Money Management International to get a handle on his debt.  They are a nonprofit, and very reputable.

I went to them a few years back, when I had totally crippling credit card debt.  They came up with a payment plan that had the credit card companies seriously lowering their interest rates.  As a result, I will be completely free of credit card debt less than a year from now.

Post # 15
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

Omg I am so sorry you thought that was what I meant. I would NEVER say that your father doesn’t want the best for you. I think it’s exactly the opposite really. I was trying to say that there are some fathers that don’t give a crap about their children in general…

Post # 16
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

prove your dad wrong and he’ll come around. he needs to realize that not everyone is lucky enough to have had their parents pay for college for them. set out a stark budget and stick to it! eliminate “fun” money except for maybe netflix; have date nights at home. put all that money toward savings and loan payments.

as long as you’re happy, that’s ALL that matters.

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