- 9 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
Where do I begin?!?!?! I am brand new to this site, so thanks in advance for any advice and simply for letting me vent!
Small back story – I have been dating my wonderful fiance for 5 years. We got engaged on October 30th of this year. We have lived together for the past 3 years. Both of us have steady employment, although we don’t make much money. We can pay all of our bills, but not much is left over for “fun”. My fiance is deep in debt – student loans and credit card debt. He makes minimum payments every month, because thats all he can afford.
Besides money being a touchy issue with us, my fiance is a wonderful man. We have fun together, he respects me, plays no games, and is honest. Our differing opinions and interests complement each other. I truly cannot see me being without him in my life. My mother’s side of the family knows how happy I am with him and truly has welcomed him into mine and their lives. My mom isn’t thrilled about his money issues, but what parent would be?!?! He is working two jobs to try and get out of debt, so my mom sees how hard he is trying. My mother and her family and all of my friends were ELATED when I broke the news of our engagement!
My father is a different story. I broke the news to him, and he told me he thinks “I can do better.” He thinks I should date more before I settle down (I am almost 30 years old and really and truly have “sowed my wild oats” – I’m done playing those games!) Despite my efforts to get my father to know my fiance better (fiance was perfectly willing), my father has made no effort in the past 5 years to get to know my fiance.
Father and I had a big blowout a few years back that caused us not to speak for months. We have been on the mend and really actually began to get close. We have never had a great relationship throughout my entire life.. Now, he won’t speak to me. After he told me he thinks I could do better, I got my feelings deeply hurt and left without saying anything. I thought “how can he be MAD at me for being with the person I love and that treat me like a queen?!?!” I am at a loss.
This is not how I pictured my engagement/wedding unfolding. I don’t want my engagement to break up the semblance of a relationship that I had with my father. Dad has and always will be about financial responsibility, so I think that’s what this is all about. Relationships at this point are a little more important to me than money. Sure, I want to be financially secure, but I also want to be with someone I truly love. I don’t want to end up like my parents who didn’t communicate, and it was all about money, all of the time. Thoughts, help, advice, ANYTHING?!?!?!!?