Post # 1
My father has never really been involved in my life. He was abusive when I was growing up and my parents divorced when I was a “tween.” My life suffered quite a bit due to both the emotional toll his abuse and then absence took on me as well as my mother not having the financial resources we really needed as three young kids.
I do speak to him once a year or so although he still has no real interest in my life or that of my child. He will not be invited to the wedding. There is no way around this. He was been nothing but a dark and negative force my entire life. His presence would ruin the entire day for me. I also do not want him around my young child.
My question, however, is how do we handle this at the wedding? Can we simply exclude his name from the program, etc? His family (my grandmother, aunts, cousins) will all be invited since we are a real family. They obviously know the situation and don’t expect him to be there. I plan on walking down the aisle alone.
My fiancee would like to have a mother-son dance. How do we do this without having a father-daughter dance? Or could my future husband dance with my daugthter? She will be six at this point.
Post # 3
Oh, I think it would be wonderful (so cute!) for your husband to dance with your daughter. If it is important for a mother/son dance, perhaps his mother could “cut in”. What does he say/want 🙂
Post # 4
I am literally in the exact same situation and thought it would be nice if I dance with my FI’s dad since this will be new father.
Post # 5
@Tswife4ever: I would have loved to dance with my future “dad” but he passed away last year. The other thing is, we would like to honor him in some way. Is that esp tacky since my own father is not there?
Post # 6
@soontobemrsa I dont think so at all. What if he danced with his mom and you danced with his best man? This was another thing I considered as well since the Bridesmaid or Best Man is important to the wedding as well.
Post # 7
If you have a brother or someone LIKE a brother you could dance with him. We aren’t doing the dances because my dad doesn’t like my Fiance and apparently doesn’t approve of the wedding so he’s not going to walk me down the isle. He’s only being invited because my Fiance is being nice.
Post # 8
@SoontobeMrsA: bah! Who has the right to say what’s tacky? Anyone who is attneding your wedding should be fully aware of the situation with your father, and if they have certain expectaions that he should be there, walk you down the isle, and do a father daughter dance, then poo poo on them! Yes, I said poo poo. A childish response, but so are they…
You are a grown woman, marrying someone very special to you. What you want to do on your day, should be supported by everyone who has the honour of being invited.
Your finacee should absolutely have a mother son, and father daughter dance! That would be spectacular!! This might be a little peculiar, but what was the song that your fiancees parents danced too? Would it be too far out of left field for you to dance with his mother to ‘their’ song to honour the loss of his father? I’m going to dance with my Dad and my Mum. My parents divorced when I was in my tweens, and my Mum is the one who raised me. I love that woman so much, and want to show everyone just how much she means to me.
Post # 9
I agree with the others about dancing with another man while he dances with his mother. The best man or a brother etc. There must be someone coming you’d like to have a special moment with? 🙂
If you don’t have a relationship I would just exclude him from the program, not mention him and not think about it. Sounds like people will be perfectly understanding 🙂
I also definately don’t think it’s tacky to honour someone who passed away. Good people deserve to be remembered 🙂
Post # 10
I think having your new husband dance with your daughter would be absolutely adorable. I think it would be even better if your little girl were to be the one to cut in – that is, have him dance with his mom for a while, then switch out. Make sure to have your daughter say, “May I cut in with my new dad?” or something like it really loudly. Everybody will melt from the cuteness.
Also, if you have an older male figure who really helped you in your life, you could always dance with them. Perhaps an uncle or grandfather? Maybe just a family friend? Something like that.
Post # 11
To be honest, I really don’t have a male in my life besides my fiancee that i’m close to. No uncles (a million aunts though!) and my brother and I are not close. I will be gaining a four year old stepson however so maybe I could dance with him?
We do not want to skip the mother-son dance because my fiancee and his mother are close. I wanted to honor my mother in someway but she would prefer to stay behind the scenes.
Post # 12
Maybe instead of you dancing with your stepson and your Fiance dancing with your daughter, you can do a little group dance? I don’t mean anything choreographed. It would be a sweet gesture that symbolizes your new family.
And I agree, it’s not tacky at all to remember someone who passed away
Post # 13
If there is a male figure in your life that you’d like to dance with, the go for it. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with just skipping the father daughter dance and only doing a mother son dance. And having a special dance for your daughter and Fiance would be so sweet too!
Post # 14
Aw, I’m sorry, that’s rough. My father isn’t invited to my wedding either. Like yours, he was very much an absentee father, drifting in and out of my life when it was convienent for him (and usually just to harass my mother.) Fortunately, I have a stepfather who’s raised me since I was six, so he’s assuming the “father of the bride” role. My Dad, however, has found out about the wedding and has started up with the harassing emails and facebook messages (until I blocked him.)
Ah, crappy dads. Aren’t they fun? I think having your husband dance with your daughter would be adorable. My vote goes for that idea.
Post # 15
@SoontobeMrsA: I just wanted to share with you that I’m in a very similar situation as well, there will be no FOB at the wedding. I think that it is perfectly acceptable to have just a mother son dance if that’s what you/FI would like. I plan to have a mother-daughter dance as well, so that could be an option instead of no dance or a dance with another male family member. I know your mom said she’d probably like to be behind the scenes, but perhaps you can do a dance with your daughter and then have your mom cut in? We’re dancing to ‘Somebody’s Hero’ by Jamie O’Neal. You should really check it out, it talks about the mother/daughter relationship, sort of progesses from talking about a young girl and then to her getting married, and it’s really very sweet. Weddings have become so flexible that no one should find it odd whatever you do, one dance, two, FI/daughter, etc. Do what feels comfortable for you two and celebrates your special day and special relationships.
Post # 16
Every wedding is a different experience and I can’t see anyone analyzing this beautiful occasion in a way that is negative. I think whoever you or your FH decide to dance with is a personal choice. I think you need to focus more on yourself and what makes you happy. Don’t worry so much about how everyone else is going to view that moment if it makes you feel good.