Post # 1
So, my father and I have always had a very rocky relationship and didnt talk for about 10 years. We started speaking 5 years ago and our relationship is the extent of he nad I talking for about a minute once every couple of months and seeing each other twice per year. I know nothing about him and he knows nothing about me. My mom and I on the otherhand have always been the best of friends and it’s always been her and I since my father left when I was 7 and i am now 31. My mom raised me, we talk everyday and she is my best friend. When it came time to thinking who should walk me down the aisle, for me it was an obvious choice. That person should be the person that is closest with you and is giving you away. Well, my father is very angry and I get a package in the mail yesterday with all of the photos of he and I when I was younger along with all the cards I ever gave him. The note he included said I have rippied his heart out because he always dreamed of walking his daughter down the aisle and because of it he will nto be at the wedding and he never wants to see or speak with me ever again, wants no memories of me in his life and if I try to call or email him he will never answer, he said WE ARE DONE! I am at peace in my heart with the decision I made about my mom, the only reason I would have ever asked him was only out of guilt, nothing else. Am I a horrible daughter? Do I owe him this honor evern though we are not close? Do I contact him? Im so confused and hurt, I feel like it’s almost like a child that doesnt get their way. To me a normal person would call and say Im upset or hurt and lets talk but to completely disown me, I just dont know what to think. I dont understand why people say wedding planning is fun, I think it’s alot harder especially since your dealing with alot of other peoples emotions. Help!
Post # 3
I’d stick with your Mom. I agree he should have called or come to see you if he was that upset, not play games with the package. It would kind of make me feel better about picking my Mom to walk me down the aisle. ((HUGS)) I didn’t have much family drama and still wedding planning wasn’t fun, the wedding will be tho!!! Hang in there
Post # 4
what a jerk! why would he even expect to have that right? It sounds like you’re better off without him in your life – a good father would never drop his child because he wasn’t allowed to walk her down the aisle.
Im so sorry you’re dealing with this – it can’t be easy. I think you made the right decision though and should not feel guilty about it.
Post # 5
@OctoberBride1020: I’m sorry to hear about your father’s decision. Just because he is your father though does not give him the “right” to walk you down the aisle and give you away. You are right to have your mother walk you down the aisle. She has been both mother and father to you for years. Do not give in and have him do it just out of guilt. You will end up regretting that.
My parents are not coming to my wedding but if they were, I would not have my father walk me down the aisle. We simply do not have that kind of relationship. I am instead choosing to walk down by myself. I would not want to fake that kind of relationship on my wedding day.
Post # 6
It’s funny he came back to me 5 years ago and asked to be in my life and forgive him and I did and you thought he would have tried then and once again he just didnt bother. When I got engaged I called him for two weeks straight, total of 37 times, I was so excited, he called me back two weeks later. At that point it made my decision very clear. I am not a mom yet but I know I could never disown my child for that. Thanks for advice I really appreciate it. I know in my heart my decision is right but it’s still so hard!
Post # 7
@OctoberBride1020: Sweet heart, I think his response is just validation of your choice. This man is selfish, and he has no father like qualities at all. If walking someone down the aisle is more important to him than having his daughter in his life, then he is not fit to be a parent, nor is he fit for the honor.
Dont’ take it personally. He’s a selfish idiot.
Post # 8
his response alone tells me you made the right choice! there is nothing like the bond between a mother and daughter.
Post # 9
I’m so sorry that your father responded to you in that way. It is your wedding, and you don’t owe anyone anything, no matter the tradition. It sounds like you and your mom are very close, and that is the relationship you should honor. In my opinion, you made the right choice asking your mom!
Post # 10
What will you do with the package? Will you reciprocate and do you destroy it? Or tuck it away somewhere just in case…
Post # 11
@OctoberBride1020: If he wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle, he should’ve been there for those 10 years. Seems like he made his choice a while ago. If it were me, I’d probably send him a letter saying, hey just send me the pictures of you and I from the 10 years you were missing in my life and I’ll gladly have you walk me down the aisle. My dad was hardly ever in my life, and when he was, it was abusive. I didn’t even make it to the hospital or his funeral, and I don’t regret it at all.
Post # 12
@OctoberBride1020: I’m sorry you are going through this. Even though you have been dealing with these issues for years, it doesn’t hurt any less.
I have an on again off again realtionship with my father. Most recently he said he wouldn’t be coming to our wedding because I did not give him a +1 (he doesn’t even have a girlfriend). You father sounds very much like mine … very self centered. I don’t give my father the pleasure of fighting back – it is more satisfying to watch him stew in his own thoughts. My Mom has CHF and MS, so she can’t really walk me down the aisle, so I will be walking alone, and will be met half way by Fiance.
He might be your FATHER, but her certainly isn’t your DAD. He hasn’t earned the night to have the honour of walking you down the aisle.
Post # 13
I will keep it and I will still send him an invitation to the wedding. No matter what I will not close my door to him and if he ever decides to contact me again my heart is open to him. Now that I am older I look at life differently and it doesnt make sense to hold hatred in your heart, life is just too short.
Post # 14
I think he solidified your decision. I’m so happy for your mom! She’s going to be so happy to escort you down the aisle, and it really sounds like she’s the best person for the job.
Post # 15
It’s funny that was the first thing I said to my mom. The pictures are all from when I was very little and the oldest picture in there is from when I was 13 and I am now 31 going on 32, I think that says alot. Seeing those pictures made things very obvious for me.
Post # 16
When I asked my mom she burst into tears and it’s all she talks about, she says she is going to cry the entire way down the aisle. I am happy that she is so happy she deserves it!