Father of my child and I have never discussed marriage. Help!

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10082 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Have a straightforward conversation. He’s not a wounded dove you need to gently cradle and tip toe around in fear of him flying away. And if he does regress because you brought up marriage then that is an excellent thing to know now rather than later.

Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

Sit down and have a conversation. There are also two kids involved. Before you sit with him though, be clear about your feelings, what if he does not want to get married? R u satisfied with the relationship or would you move on? What’s important to you?

Post # 4
Member
7094 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t exactly want to have to sit him down and TELL him marriage is something I would like in the future

Well this is exactly how adults behave. Be an adult, have an adult conversation, about this adult topic. 

Post # 5
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Just ask him, reading into off the cuff comments will get you absolutely nowhere!

Because of the way we started, I don’t exactly want to have to sit him down and TELL him marriage is something I would like in the future.

He isn’t a mind reader, he isn’t going to automatically know you want marriage given you have a slightly alternative relationship path. 

Post # 7
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Bee, I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you made a choice to bring a CHILD into a situation in which a man was already saying NO RELATIONSHIPS. NO COMMITMENT. For all you know, he could’ve gotten one whiff of pregnancy and run off into the sunset alone. But THAT didn’t scare you apparently. Now you’re afraid to sit down and have a discussion with your coparent about marriage? You weren’t afraid that your child might not have a father, but you’re afraid for your wounded ego and emotions that he might not want to marry you? Ohhhhh, boy. Get brave and talk to him. 

Post # 8
Member
488 posts
Helper bee

Once you scramble your DNA with someone else’s to create a whole-ass new person, you have no room to be coy.

Post # 10
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

missmanic :  I don’t exactly want to have to sit him down and TELL him marriage is something I would like in the future. It would do a lot for me security wise to have him come to that conclusion on his own.

Well, it appears that for all he “jokes” about it, he’s not that moved to actually put the wheels in motion to make it happen, which would suggest to me that getting married is not a priority for him right now. And it may never be. So I think you’re going to have to tell him you want to get married and see what he says. And if his answer is vague or he comes up with excuses, you will have another decision to make.

Post # 11
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

From what you have said it doesn’t sound like he is opposed to the idea, a conversation will go a long way but don’t bring up the fact he was so against it in the beginning. Just point blank ask if he sees another step in making it a legal family, with 2 kids in the picture there are more reasons to actually be married now.

Post # 12
Member
4620 posts
Honey bee

What are you afraid of? Scaring him off? Pressuring him? Either way that’s ridiculous. You have a child and have lived together since his birth. Time to be honest about your needs and stop pussyfooting around.

Post # 13
Member
3863 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Bee, just straight up ask him if he thinks he’d want to get married someday. He’s clearly changed his mind about relationships and commitment since the beginning, so you holding onto how he used to be isnt doing you any favors! I have never heard a guy who was opposed to marriage talk about buying your wedding dress or changing your last name… usually they avoid the topic entirely. The only way you’ll know is to ask. Don’t let it drag out until you’re resentful and angry. Better to know and adjust your expectations than sit and wonder what your life will look like in 10 years….

Post # 15
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee

missmanic :  Then instead of presenting him with your idea of what life should be like, ask him to explain his thoughts to youfirst. 

“BF, I’d like to ask you a serious question. What are your feelings on marriage?” And see what happens. If he hedges at all, you know you’ll have to be direct. But give him a chance to put himself out there first.

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