(Closed) Father of the bride – Crisis on it's way – Thanks for your help

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Don’t stress out about this.  I think you definitely made the right decision in having your mom walk you.  Your dad lost that privilege by his own bad behavior.  If he acts up at the wedding, have him thrown out.

Post # 4
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should stick to your guns of having your mom walk you down the aisle. I think you will regret it if you decide to just let your father do it to avoid confrontation. If you father decides not to come to the wedding do you think that would hurt you? Because that’s what he may just decide to do. I don’t know what type of security measures you could put in place if your father attends and starts causing a scene, but I think you should brainstorm some ideas and definitely not give in to his “non-negotiable.”

Post # 6
Member
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry he blew up on you. I agree to give him some time. Hopefully he will calm down and be okay with whatever way you would like to include him. I think you are well within your rights to stick to your guns and have just your mom walk you down the aisle. You have your reasons and have thought things through. Another option would be to have both of them walk you down the aisle, but this is completely your decision.

Post # 7
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I agree that you should wait a few days before responding. Maybe this upcoming weekend, talk to him again- “No, you’re not walking me down the aisle, Mom is. THAT is non-negotiable.” I agree with you- he doesn’t deserve it.

If you say this, he may say “I’m not coming to the wedding.” Are you prepared/okay to hear that from him?

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Good luck to you with this difficult situation!

Re. “non-negotiable”, this will be hard for him to accept, but he is not in a position to negotiate. You and your fiance’ are the one getting married and having the wedding, so you are the ones who get to make the decisions and call the shots.

Re. being the only legal witness to the wedding and the only one to sign the marriage certificate: is the wedding taking place in the U.S.? Because, if so, then there’s no way you can honor his demand even if you wanted two. The marriage certificate requres two witnesses.

Post # 11
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I mean, it’s tough.  He’s an addict and it’s hard for them to accept the consequences of their actions.  He probably expected that the 7 months sober made up for all the fuckwittery he put you through before he was sober.  I agree with others, you should wait a few days and be firm in your reply.  

 

@KCKnd2:  The witnesses required vary by state.  Texas does not require any witnesses.

Post # 13
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, you are right. Again, it’s your and FI’s decision, not his, and he is not in the position to be offering compromises. You should have the siblings be the witnesses if that’s who you want.

Post # 14
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do not let him try to intimidate you. Be clear and to the point, and stick with what you say. If he can’t control himself, he doesn’t need to attend. You are not a bad person for wanting your mom to give you away. She has earned it, and he should be glad that he was even invited. He is not paying for the wedding, nor has he invested in your marriage emotionally from the sound of things, therefore he has no say. Do not negotiate with terrorists!

No one at the venue is going to “watch out” for him because he is a legal liability if he gets out of control, and not only are they not getting paid for that but they could be sued for putting their hands on him. Even a paid wedding planner can do nothing more than call the police, and do you really want to deal with that on your wedding day? If you don’t have an uncle or someone who can put him in check pretty quickly, I would tell him to forget it.

Post # 15
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

what about having them both walk you down? out of the question?

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