- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Hello Bees, (sorry, long message, venting was needed I guess)
I found myself in a difficult situation concerning my wedding that’s coming in 2 1/2 months. After summoned the courage to finally tell my dad this weekend about our ceremony plan (I want my Mom to walk me down the aisle) he reacted really badly, as one could imagine. I try to told him that he was important for me and that Future Husband and I have discussed many other important roles he could play in our wedding (such as the opening toast) but he didn’t connected to it.
A bit of background : My parents divorced when I was a kid. My dad is an alcoholic and since the divorce, he haven’t been sober a day. My dad as 3 daughters (i’m the youngest), the oldest haven’t spoke to him in years, she has 2 kids he never met. The middle one had also a really tough relationship with him, she wasn’t an easy child but he were the adult, he should have reach out to her and instead completely give up on her. So as my sister puts it : she only speaking to him because of me. My own relationship with my dad was rather rocky. On the meager 4 days a-month he saw me, from the time I was a kid up to recently, he was not only drinking but would leave me alone in his house to go on a ‘’singles night’’ and/or impose a new girlfriend that would change every time. He recently stop drinking and has been sober now for 7 months. My sister and I had long-time ago leave out that idea and we are really proud he’s taking care of himself.
Yesterday, he send me a confused email stating that he would be walking me down the aisle, that this was ‘’non-negociable’’, I was the only daughter he will ever get to walk down the aisle, he also wish be the only official witness at the wedding signing the official documents (yep. Makes no sens).
I didn’t answer. I think I will let some dust fall for the moment.
I just feel that whoever walks you down the aisle should be a person who you really trust, who supports you and who you love really much. In my case, my Mom would be perfect for that. She also has that great relationship with Future Husband and would be glad to play that role. I’m just fed up with my dad using me as a trophy. He constantly brags to his flavor-of-the-month about my ph.d and my success in school when as a young adult, when I would have to beg him crying every month for the pension he was order by court to gave my mom after the divorce he simply suggested that I should drop out of school to be less poor.
And I certainly feels that it is not following his example that I was able to build that great relationship with FH for almost 6 years now or that my dad inspired me to want to celebrate love and commitment…
I tried being delicate and giving him space about it but he reacted rather nuclear on me. Part of me thinks I should just let go and walk down the aisle with him but I’m feeling this is so unfair, I don’t get how he could possibly thinks he deserve it. I’m also concerned that if he doesn’t come to his senses and I just impose, I could be stuck with a drunk-father-of-the-bride crisis on my wedding day.
FH and I are paying for everything, we also decided to have a smaller wedding and invite only people that were absolutely essential (still 80 people). We’ve been enjoying the process so far of creating a fun, warm wedding that celebrate not only our love but also the friendship we share with our guests. This sudden crisis-to-be is stressing me out so much. I even puts doubts into the way we want to celebrate our wedding. Any advices, tips and wisdom would be more than welcome.
Thank you bees.
*Please excuse my mistakes, English is my second language