(Closed) Father of the Bride refuses to go to the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Toronto
  • poll: Should Father of the Bride attend his daughter's wedding?
    Yes - be there for his daughter : (88 votes)
    93 %
    No - he has a right to be upset. : (4 votes)
    4 %
    NO - don't go to the ceremony YES - go to the reception : (1 votes)
    1 %
    YES - go to the ceremony NO - don't go to the reception : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    1783 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If he wants to maintain any relationship with his daughter he needs to go.  I’m sure it feels like a slap at him, but really if he could consider the position his daughter is in, how is she supposed to include everyone.  Recently the man most in her life WAS the step-father, and yet she respects your Fiance enough that she wants to extend to him the honor of the father daughter dance.  She’s in a no win situation as well.

    He needs to be thankful for having this honor extended to him. 

    Post # 4
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s hard to know what to do with step dads and regular dads…she probably did what she thought was fair and would cause the least uproar (although that didn’t happen). Tell your husband to support her and not be sour about her decision.

    Post # 5
    6215 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    He should definitely go. I can see why he would be upset, but it sounds like this other man had a huge part in raising her and they are now distant. It sucks that that’s how it is, but he should damage their relationship further by refusing to go to the wedding out of spite. That will only confirm that it was the right choice to ask her step father to walk her down the aisle. 

    Post # 6
    9201 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    @fascinated:  Exactly.

    She’s in a tough position and he should be the mature adult and recognize this.  Suck it up, Dad.  He thinks the relationship isn’t awesome now?  Guess what, skipping his daughter’s wedding will be the nails in the coffin…

    Post # 7
    5958 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    @GeminiGirlMich:  He needs to do what works for him….fact is, he wasn’t there, due to whatever circumstance, for this young woman for every event in her life and consequently, her step father is someone who is also important to her….she’s not doing anything wrong in what she’s arranged or in asking this of both the men in her life.

    If you SO feels that this method of sharing the wedding honor on her day will be something he simply cannot handle with dignity and applomb, then yes, he needs to stay away from it altogether because tanking your daughter’s wedding is a no-no no matter what.

    If he’s thrown this threat out in a badly planned attempt to force her to choose between him and her step-father, it’s a bluff she’s going to call, because you cannot expect her to alter her plans because of a relationship that isn’t what it should be.

    It’s an unfortunate situation, I would urge him to take some time to think about his feelings and what he’s really upset about, because being angry over someone else loving your daughter, and being there for her when you could not, is selfish.

    Post # 8
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    He should definitely still attend, but he should also be understanding of the situation. She is closer with her stepfather because she lived with him and he has been there for most of her life. No matter what the reason, her dad wasn’t there. Period. Both my stepdad and dad are in my life, but my stepfather has been a better father than my real dad ever was. My stepfather will be giving me away, even though my dad will be in attendance. For all intent and purpose I consider my stepdad to be my dad. When I have a problem, I call him. For father’s day I acknowledge both of them, but I celebrate with my stepdad. When I got engaged there was no question of who was going to give me away. Being related by blood does not necessarily make you closer to someone.


    Post # 9
    4371 posts
    Honey bee

    He needs to decide this for himself.  I understand why he is hurt and why he would not choose to go. But he also has to recognize the consequences of that for his father/daughter relationship. This is a problem you should stay out of, and leave it up to him.

    Post # 10
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    He should go.  His daughter is actually splitting this up pretty nicely.  Did he really think the man she lived in a house with deserves no acknowledgement at the wedding?  She is giving her Dad the Daddy Daughter dance which is very sweet and it’s still time in the spotlight.  It’s his child if he doesn’t go, I would think this is something that she will not get over very easily.  Besides that means the step-father will get the walk down the aisle and the dance. 

    It seems silly to me that he won’t share the honors, he shared the raising of his child.

    Post # 11
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If he expects her to treat him like a father, he needs to behave like one. That means not taking his ball and stomping off home when things don’t go the way he wants. Of course, he’s hurt. He’s certainly entitled to his feelings. But part of being a grown-up and a parent is doing the right thing even if you don’t feel like it.

    Post # 13
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @GeminiGirlMich:  OK, but… same advice. He’s the parent; he needs to act like it. Refusing to attend the wedding will just make the rift permanent.

    Post # 15
    1481 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @GeminiGirlMich:  I have a similar situation to yours, except I am that daughter. I want my dad AND my step-dad to walk me down the aisle, because they both raised me (even though, my step-dad has had a bigger part in my life TBH). Anytime I’ve said anything about this my dad says if he can’t walk me down the aisle alone then he’s not coming at all. I would love for my dad to be there, but he’s the one whose being an asshole, and I refuse to give in to his demands just for the sake of his pride.

    It is not his daughter’s fault that she was mostly raised with her step-dad. Your Fiance needs to suck it up or understand that any relationship he has with his daughter now will likely be much much less after her wedding.


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