(Closed) Father of the Bride refuses to go to the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Toronto
  • poll: Should Father of the Bride attend his daughter's wedding?

    Yes - be there for his daughter

    No - he has a right to be upset.

    NO - don't go to the ceremony YES - go to the reception

    YES - go to the ceremony NO - don't go to the reception

  • Post # 32
    Member
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @paula1248:  Oh, I misunderstood you…but yeah, either way – a financial contribution from the stepfather or the bio dad would complicate things even further. 

    I like the idea of both dads walking the daughter down the aisle, but have since accepted that this scenario really only happens in fictional situations (Blair’s wedding on Gossip Girl). In real life, the complexity of human relationships and emotions probably means this would be hard to pull off without offending/hurting one or more of the parties involved. I know if I suggested having both my dads give me away, my stepfather would be really hurt. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    2334 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I think you should encourage him to go, but be aware that his “I just won’t go to the wedding” outburst won’t be forgotten.  My Future Father-In-Law said the same thing, before he decided to be an adult and go to his son’s wedding.  Even though he’s going, I still harbor a lot of resentment over what he said.  In my situation, not going would be devestating to Fiance and I’s relationship with him- it might be the same for your Fiance and his daughter.

    Post # 34
    Member
    977 posts
    Busy bee

    I think he needs to grow up and be a dad and a father to his daughter.  I’m sure she chose the right decision in her heart on who should walk her dow the isle.  It was probably a hard decision for her.  Your Fiance needs to realize that.  He lived far away, another man was raising her, was with her every day, attending school functions, etc…of course she’s going to chose the man she’s closest with growing up to walk her down the isle. Not her bio dad that lived far away.

    If he’s jealous and wants that relationship with his daughter, he needs to suck it up and go to this wedding and be there for his daughter. The last thing he needs to do is not show up. Because in her mind, she’s going to think he wasn’t around, (close) when she was growing up, and now he’s not at her wedding. She’ll never talk to him again.  If your Fiance doesn’t want that to happen, he needs to grow up, grow some balls, man up, be a dad and father,  and be there for his daughter. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    He needs to stop being so petty and just go!

    its on hard on kids of divorced parents (I’m having almost the same situation as you described, I’m the bride). The daughter is trying to include everyone, and not hurt anyone’s feelings and not leave anyone out. She’s not the one who got divorced and remarried and made the situation complicated, she’s just trying to make everyone feel part of her big day.

    Your Fiance needs to get over himself and just do what his daughter asks him too. 

     

    Sorry if this comes across as harsh, I’m having resentment issues with my own dad for these very reasons.

    Post # 36
    Member
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yeah, he needs to suck it up – I think you already know that though.

    The teenager years can be really, really hard. I know that when I was a teen my parents had to fight to stay close to and involved with me, and we were all living in the same house! And honestly, I’m sorry but I think it’s just selfish when a divorce happens and the parent without main custody puts the blame on the child for them not being as close over the years. HE is the parent, not her – it was his role to reach out to her, to call and check in and ask what was going on with her life even if she didn’t want to be bothered. To fight for more time with her if her mother was being unfair about it. Teens always want to push their parents away, and it sounds like he just let that happen without a real effort. That’s on him. Her decision sounda fair to me, and as others have said, it is going to be the nail in the coffin if he doesn’t go to her wedding over this. She’s still young – does he want to start repairing the relationship now so he can be closer to her in her adult years and be there for his future grandchildren, or does he want to just be stubborn and continue their current cycle of not being at all close?

    Post # 37
    Member
    3683 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    OP, did your fiance make any effort to stay close with his daughter after her mother moved her away, or did he just give up because of the distance?  If my husband took my kid and moved away, I’d be doing everything I could to maintain my role in my child’s life.  I’d be damned if some interloper was going to come in and “replace” me.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    He needs to go to his daughter’s wedding and be supportive and concentrate on the important thing – that his little girl is happy and getting married.

    And he should be glad that his daughter has had the love of two fathers in her life. I was abandoned by both my dad and my step-dad. I would give anything to have them care for me the way both her fathers care about her. And if I had two dads that I loved and wanted to honor at my wedding, I would be crushed if one of them refused to attend because the honor of the father-daughter dance wasn’t good enough for him.

    Imagine how hurt she must be right now. Your Fiance is being selfish. She’s honoring both her fathers in the best way she knows how. He needs to put on his big-boy pants and deal.

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