(Closed) Father of the bride VS. Stepfather

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Who raised you?

Who was there when you needed them the most?

Who protected you but when they felt they could, they embraced your love for your FI?

I have this same problem and its VERY hard! I dont wish it upon anyone!

Because either way someone is going to be hurt! But this is about you and your Fiance. 

I have considered my only brother as an option and my mother as well!

Think on it, dont make any decision until you know in your heart for sure what it is! 

All I can suggest is dont speak until you are ready to hold on to your word! 

Best of Luck! Best wishes for you and your situation! 

Post # 4
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have the same issue. Here are the options I’m considering:

1) No one walks me down the aisle (I can blame it on vanity. I want no obstructions to the dress.)

2) My mom walks me down.

3) Father starts off and walks halfway & stepdad the rest of the way.( Depends on length of aisle)

grrrr…. this is one of the major reasons I didn’t want a wedding. I hate these awkward situations.

 

Post # 5
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had the same problem and I chose my mom to walk me down the aisle but in retrospect  I should’ve chosen to walk on my own. I think it really is the easiest way. Of course this is just my opinion, but I think it makes for not having to “pick favorites”.

Post # 6
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I like the idea of walking them both down!  Seems fair too: they both helped raise you and both have been part of your life.

Post # 8
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am in a similar situation.  I have decided that my step-dad will drive me to the church and walk me 1/4 of the way down the aisle to my father and my father will walk me the rest of the way.  I would love to have my father do the entire thing, but unfortunately, it’s about money and respecting all parties involved.  Politics…..  Gotta do what will please everyone; don’t want any hard feelings.

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Being walked down the aisle by your father and then handed over to your groom is a very anglosaxon tradition, in lots of countries this is a non-issue as the bride doesn’t get walked down the aisle by her father.

Why don’t you either walk down the aisle by yourself or together with your groom? That way you can symbolize entering the marriage together as equals plus it’d be very romantic to walk in together. If it’s a big headache to you I’d just eliminate the problematic situation all together. Just remember there is no rule that says you have to be walked down the aisle, you can do exactly what you want!

Post # 10
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m solving this by not having anyone walk me down the aisle. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I have thought about this also. I do not have a stepfather but for many years I swore my father wouldn’t even be invited so it is definitely something I struggle with. I have thought about walking alone, I’ve thought about having someone else walk me (my nephew, my brother, a close male friend, a grandfather), I’ve thought about walking with my SO and i’ve thought about how we are close now and he is my father and he will most likely contribute a significant amount to our wedding so I could walk with him also. It is a very confusing.

I like the idea of having them both walk you 1/2 way. What about your Stepdad walking you down the aisle and your father being apart of the father/daughter dance? Or the other way around. i also think that you could have them both walk you which I like the best. Your father will have to get over his feelings about your stepfather because he has been a significant part of your life and he can’t change that.

What ever you choose there may be some hurt feelings but that is what happens when you have multiple families. Things get confusing.

Post # 12
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow… I actually am in the exact SAME predicament.  glad to know that I am not alone, although I would not wish this situation on anyone.

I actually have thought the same things about my own wedding.  I really want both of my dads to walk me down the aisle, but my dad HATES my stepdad.  My stepdad has been more of a father to me than my actual dad – but after much discussion with a neutral party, its about what will make the day awesome for me.  I thought about spliting it half and half, and that is a problem too.  My dad will have a fit if my stepdad walks me down the aisle and I’m not ready to cross that bridge at all. Not to mention, I don’t want to cause unnecessary drama on my day. 

However, I have also thought of walking myself and meeting my Fiance at the end of the aisle (outdoor wedding, a bit to walk) to walk down the “aisle” together.  Not to mention, he and I will have done a “first glance” too, so no one really has to give me away.   

My issue is, sometimes I am emotional and don’t know if I will be able to even make it to the aisle without being a nervous wreck…. so I am still up in the air as to how to do that as well. Let me know what you decide to do….  there’s strength in numbers!! 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My older sister had this same issue. Her dad was not good to my mom (there were some drug abuse issues at the time) and my mom didn’t let him see my sister as a child because of it. My sister found him when she was 16 and they started building a relationship, but she was never as close to him as my dad, who raised her. Additionally, my mother always liked to point out that her real dad (even after starting a relationship with her) never gave her anything, where my dad and mom were always there when she needed them. 

Still, my sister felt like she couldn’t turn her back on her real dad at her wedding. She had her real dad walk her half way down the aisle then pass her off to my dad, who walked her the rest of the way. When they asked “who gives this woman” my dad said “Her father, mother, and I” and for the father daughter dance she let them each pick their own song to dance with her. 

In the end, I think my dad would have preferred not to have to share the responsibility, but he understood. 

Post # 14
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@sara13beth: I love your idea! About Fiance meeting you at the end of the aisle!

It was late and I was talking to Fiance last night and told him that I might just walk myself! Afterall my stepdad neve approved of him until recently so I feel like, Im the one that stuck to my guns about him (FI) and you (StepDad) were a pain in the ass and pushed me away! NOW that things are ok, is nice but as a start into our relatioinship, why not keep the pattern going that we are used to!  

I dont know if I have made any sense right now but, I think it would be nice to have my stepdad and mom walk together and then I’ll come out! 

Best of Luck with your decisions ladies!

Post # 15
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have a similar situation. When I was married before, my mom walked me down. Now that I am marrying again, I will walk myself.

One thing to consider is that no one is entitled to walk you. You get to choose. Remember, too, that there are other ways to include these men in the wedding. Another thing to think about is why you refer to your biological dad as your “real” dad. Do you feel a closer connection to him? It seems like you just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Go with your heart. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had the same issue. My parents split when I was like 2. my mom married my steph dad when i was 4. They were both very much apart of my life but my real dad had made some mistakes along the way. Either way I loved them both the same. I decided that when I was going to get married that Iwould have them both walk me down the isle. I wouldnt have it any other way.

Sadly, my real dad died 2 years ago, so my stepdad will be walking me down the isle. I will be happy but I will also be very sad that my dad isnt there with me. I will have a locket on my bouquet with his picture so he will be ” there” with me.

bitter sweet =/

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