(Closed) Father passed away…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any advice but I can imagine wanting to honor him and wanting to remain somewhat emotionally intact during your wedding is quite a balancing act. I did lose my father but we didn’t have a wedding so I didn’t have to deal with that aspect. Do what feels right to you and the relationship you had with him. Best of luck.

Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee

So sorry for your loss! I understand that this is a really tough time for you especially with your wedding coming up so soon and trying to process everything. Just remember that no matter what you choose to do or not do that day, his memory will be there with you. Don’t force yourself into doing something specific just because you think it’s what you should do. The grief is still very fresh and you do want your wedding day to be a happy one. Be kind and patient with yourself.

Post # 4
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Hugs bee. I’m so so sorry for the immense pain you now carry.

 I too lost my father, going on 12 yeas ago though, and I’m just now engaged. 

I’m not sure I really have any advice, but I can tell you what I think I’ll be doing for my wedding in about a year. I plan to try my best to stand tall and walk alone down the isle. I will add a little framed photo of him to my bouquet, so he can still kinda be there with me. I will keep a seat next to my mother open, in honour of him. I’ll also forgo any kind of dance. Because it’s been so long since his passing, I won’t do any kind of video/picture tribute or anything. That said though I’m not sure I could do one if had passed just before my wedding anyway.

Even though it’s been 12 years, I still dread the day of my wedding. It’s going to be hard, bee. Really hard. If you need or want someone to talk to who understands what you’re going though, or to have a cry with, or just need an anonymous person to listen, I’m here. pm me. Seriously. 

More hugs. 

Post # 5
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t think anyone would think twice if you didn’t have a dance but Fiance did. I don’t really have any advice for honoring him at your wedding, but I think you should do whatever feels right. I am so sorry for your loss especially at this important time in your life. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day. 

Post # 6
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Oh bee… I am so, so sorry… this must be so incredibly difficult I can’t even imagine. I wouldn’t think twice if you didn’t do a dance, especially knowing the story. Can you do a candle lighting instead? Have a memory table? Reserve a seat? I know it’s not the same, but I lost both of my grandparents very recently and we’re having a table for them with pictures, and reserving two seats in the family section of the ceremony. 

Again, I am so, so sory. 

Post # 7
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

I’m so very sorry for your loss. My father passed away suddenly in late January 2016, and I got married in March 2016. My mom had aleady passed away a few years earlier. Please be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you. It’s totally ok if your husband and his mom have a dance and you don’t have that type of dance. Incorporate your dad’s memory into your day however much or little feels right to you. I saw a bride once who had a piece of her late dad’s favorite tie stitched into the lining of her dress,  so he was with her all day. I always remembered it and thought it was a sweet way to keep him near. Hugs to you bee!!!

Post # 8
Member
7556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Oh bee I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I agree with the others. Don’t force yourself to do a dance with anyone else. You don’t need to. People will understand. Big hugs bee. I know we can’t really say or do much to help you but we are all sending you lots of love! 

Post # 9
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Given the circumstances no one would find it strange for you to not do a dance. Everyone would totally understand so don’t stress about that. Weddings are emotional times so accept that there may be some hard moments during the day but maybe add a special locket with your dads photo in it to your bouquet or have a ‘we wish you were here’ memory table to honour any relatives who are no longer here. Sorry for your loss. 

Post # 10
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
ewm18 :  I’m so sorry for your loss. My father passed away 16 days before my wedding last month and we had his funeral 4 days before. It was an utterly heartbreaking and crazy week. We weren’t planning on doing a first dance and my mum was already planning on walking me down the aisle as my dad was unwell for a while so we didn’t have to change those plans though. You just need to do what you’re comfortable with, it’s such an emotional time all round but I highly doubt anyone will question things you do/don’t do given your loss. Sorry I can’t actually provide any help, I just wanted to say you’re not alone and I’m sure you’ll have a fantastic wedding day x

Post # 11
Member
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I am so sorry for your loss.  If I was in your shoes I wouldn’t have a first dance with anyone I would be to emotional and I wouldn’t want to feel that a dance that was so important to me and my dad could be danced with someone else. I also don’t think that it’s looks weird if my fiancé danced with his mother and I didn’t dance with anyone.

Post # 12
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I made an account just so that I can respond to this post.

My father passed away two weeks ago and my wedding is in 24 days. It is so hard to plan when you feel like you’re living in a nightmare. I don’t have the energy to finish planning and I feel angry and so sad.

As far of the logistics, my mother is walking me down the aisle, we won’t do any dances with our parents, and I probably won’t do anything in the program to honor him because I know I would just start sobbing. My mother asked if I would like to wear his wedding ring on a chain, as a necklace, and I think that I will, so that I have a private way of having him with me without it being a public, emotional moment.

Thinking of you.

 

Post # 14
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’ve had three bereavements since getting engaged, one being my grandmother I was very close to, but nothing like what you’re going through. My thoughts are with you, bee.

Don’t feel like your family’s wishes supersede your own. Your wedding doesn’t become his wake. You can honour him outwardly as much or as little as you feel comfortable. I am a crier at weddings anyway (I could cry at the wedding of a literal stranger!) So I’m just having a locket with photos of my grandparents on their wedding day attached to my bouquet and leaving it at that. Nobody is going to think you’ve forgotten about him, and you don’t need to be forcing yourself into something that will make you cry just to please other people. 

Post # 15
Member
7952 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

sorry for your loss.

i lost my father 3 months before i met my husband. 

she walked me down the aisle, and i did a fast dance with her as well.

 

DH’s dad passed away when he was in his 20’s.  he opted not to do a dance with his mom.  she was also in a wheelchair due to a stroke.  she then passed away when i was 20 weeks pregnant with our first child.

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