Post # 1
My father passed away about a month ago. He had been sick for a while but it was still a huge shock and was devastating for me and my family. I had a very close relationship with him ( I was the only girl out of four children) and it absolutely breaks my heart that he will not walk me down the aisle at my wedding or dance with me or meet his future grandchildren.
I am getting married on June 5, 2010. About a week after he passed I received my wedding invitation envelopes which had been specially printed with both my mom and my dad’s names. My mom and I feel uncomfortable using these envelopes with his name on them but at the same time I feel like taking his name off means he was never there. He had been there for me my entire life and to take his name off of the wedding envelopes or invitations (these have not been printed yet because I don’t know what to do) seems so callous, like all of a sudden his existence in my life and the effect he had on me doesn’t matter. I hate having to deal with this, I feel like it is so trivial in the scheme of things but the one thing I’ve realized that even though tragic events happen, life does not stop. So, what do you think I should do? Leave his name on the envelopes and invitations or have them re-printed and take his name off?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Wow – I’m so sorry! I can definitely understand that it would be a difficult decision to make! Honestly, I would want to leave his name on them if I were in your position. I think that for me it would be kind of comforting to include him in the invitations.
Post # 4
I’m sorry for your loss. Officially, you shouldn’t have his name on the invites unless you put ‘Daughter of Jane Doe and the late John Doe’. I probably wouldn’t have his name on the envelopes since it might cause problems with the mail and really isn’t appropriate since he isn’t hosting the wedding.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry for your loss. I would definetly keep his name on the envelopes to honour him.
Post # 6
My condolences to you. I can’t imagine you having to deal with this right now and I’m bummed that you are 🙁
I honestly think you should leave his name on them because, although he is gone, he is still your father and I think you would be honoring him by just keeping them as they are. I know how hard it is to not have a father to walk you down the aisle. My father passed away when I was just a baby. My oldest brother walked me down the aisle.
Post # 7
I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the feelings you’re grappling with. You’re right that this is a very, very small issue in the grand scheme of things, so I think even if you send out the invitations as they are things will be okay.
If you’d like to have the envelopes re-done, you can just use your mother’s title: Mrs. John Doe. The invitation would also list only your mother as host (again, you can use Mrs. John Doe). You’re not ‘erasing’ him that way.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I know it’s so tough to deal with the loss of your dad, especially now.
I think you should leave the name there if you want. It was so recent that people will not mind or call you out for “breach of etiquette.” It seems to me that that’s what you want to do. However, nothing you do would ever erase your dad’s existence from your life. I know it seems that way right now (I remember a couple months after my dad died, I lost a keychain he gave me and burst into tears) but that’s just because everything is so immediate.
What are you most worried about, making people uncomfortable with the sad reference? Are you worried they won’t understand?
ETA: I won’t think it will cause any problems with the mail; your mom’s name is on them, after all. I got mail with my father’s name on it for at least a year after he died. It’s only been a month.
Post # 9
I am so sorry for your loss. I would keep his name on the envelopes as a way to honor him and include his memory in your wedding. I don’t think it would cause a problem with the mail. I think the invitations should read ‘Daughter of Jane Doe and the late John Doe’ like suggested by MissAsB.
Post # 10
On my invitation, I am listed as “Professor, daughter of Professor Mom and the late Professor Dad.”
I think you should do whatever feels most right for you, now and at any other time you confront the loss of your dad. Only you can determine what will make you most comfortable and to me that’s a higher priority than any other consideration.
Post # 11
I am so sorry for your loss. <hug> i cant imagine what you and your family must be going through. Bless your heart..
In your tough situation i think i would keep his name on the envelope. But either decision is a fine decision. i know that is not much help but that is what i would do.
good luck to you and i send good thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this very tough time.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁
It seems like you really don’t want to exclude his name from the invitations, so I agree that maybe just changing it to “the late ______”. Again, so sorry that you are going through this. Are you doing anything like leaving a rose in his seat or something to honor him during the ceremony? I’ve seen posts about people doing that, it seems like a nice idea.
Post # 13
I am so sorry for you loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. Wedding’s seem to bring out a lot of emotions and this defintley adds to those emotions for you. ((hugs))
I would say leave his name on the invites. I agree with some of the other ladies in that It would be comforting to leave my dad’s name on the invite if it was me and it will give you the opportunity to honor your dad. It doesn’t matter if he is not there to phsically host the party…no one is going to think like that. You are going to be inviting people to your wedding who care about you and your family and they will be glad to see his name on the invitation.
I also do not think that it will cause any problems with mail delivery. My Grandfather passed away 9 years ago and my Grandmother still gets mail with his name on the envelope.
Post # 14
I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry that I can not help you with the etiquette. The grandmother that helped raise me passed away in October, so I can relate to what you are going through. I have several books that have helped me through this time, if you want the titles PM me.
Post # 15
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Keep the names on the envelopes is you want and maybe word the invites as many of the other posters mentioned “daughter of Mrs. and the late Mr.”
Thoughts are with you and your family.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry for your loss. I would keep his name on there. Everyone would understand since it is so recent, but then where I am from, it’s not uncommon to list Ms.MamaBear daughter of L Bear and the late J Bear.