Father refuses to help pay for wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My friends’ parents divoriced shortly before her marriage, too, and her father refused to walk her down the aisle or pay a dime towards the wedding.  And then he drove up in  Rolls Royce with his new wife. He finally did agree to walk my friend down the aisle, but honestly, she didn’t know what was going to happen until the wedding day.  He still never paid.

All I can say is it looks like your situation is not totally unique.  I think at this point you should not necessarily count on him paying.  You and your Fiance just keep saving up and taking care of it yourselves.  Perhaps see if your FI’s parents can help out a bit and inform them of the situation.  

Other than that, it’s difficult to say what will make him feel like paying.  Perhaps ask him to pay for something specific, like the downpayment on the reception venue, and give him a specific number and say this could be his wedding gift to you and your Fiance.  But really, if you are an adult, your parents can expect you to pay your way . .. even if it would be nicer if they did help.   

Post # 4
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You’re not going to like what I have to say. But I’m one of these people that believes that if your old enough to get married, then your old enough to pay your own bills. (school,wedding etcetc.) If they OFFER to pay for something, to me that’s considered a present. And presents should NEVER be expected or demanded.

Post # 5
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i don’t think you should expect any of your parents to pay for anythinig. It is your choice to get married and have a wedding. Yes, in some cases parents help, but there is no rule that says that fathers have to pay for weddings.

 

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Unfortunately, he is the only one who can decide how to spend his money. If he said he won’t contribute, then you will need to find another way to pay for it. If it’s a small wedding, you and your Fiance can try saving up and asking other family members (your mom, his parents) if they are able to contribute. Ultimately, no one except you and your Fiance are responsible for financing your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Diamondadozen:Agreed.  It should never be expected.  My Fiance and I are paying for our wedding and we’d never expect our families to pay.  It’s our wedding, it’s our life, we’re paying for it.

Post # 8
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Your parents are under no obligation to assist you financially for anything.  Sure it’d be nice but no one has to help you pay for anything.  You asked, he said no–deal with it.

My parents are moderately well off and I am mostly not.  They are not helping with college or wedding and that’s ok.  It gives me the freedom to do whatever I want without being ingratiated to anyone which is a thousand times more valuable than anything they could give me.

Post # 9
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

@Diamondadozen: i agree with this, sorry op!  it’s 10 guests, i’m sure you can find the money for it yourselves.

Post # 10
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Another person chiming in to say I didn’t get help for college or the wedding from my parents.

Post # 11
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with the PP’s…  My parents have offered to pay for some stuff for the wedding…  but as for everything else we expect to pay for.  

Post # 12
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

yep. My fam isn’t giving me a thing for the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

I’m another one who thinks you should plan a wedding you can afford to pay for yourself and leave your father out of it.  I’m not expecting money for my wedding and I received no help for college either (and still have the student loans to prove it).

Post # 14
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry to be another chiming in on the chorus here – but – parents are under no obligation to help out with their kids weddings. Its nice when they do, but its not something you – or any other couple – should feel entitled to. 

If you’re struggling to pay for things, and you are close with your dad, I would say its OK to ask him for a loan, but only if you have every intention of paying him back.

 

Post # 15
Member
46401 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Although it hurts when Dad doesn’t come through for you, I would think that with a small wedding you will manage just fine without his assistance.

Post # 16
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with the PP, parents DO NOT have to help pay for their child’s wedding. There is no contract or law saying that they have to do this.  It sucks he won’t but as others said, if you are old enough to get married then you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.

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