(Closed) Father refuses to help pay for wedding

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Bee
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father\'s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I also feel that its something you will have to get over. If you asked and he said no, there is nothing more you can do. It is his choice to do what he wants with his money. I am getting no support from either of our parents, and we have adjusted accordingly. It has meant trimming some of the things we wanted and making do with the things that we can have.

Post # 18
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

unfortunatly there is no way of making him pay for anthing. i could see asking for a loan if you need it but that should also come with the full expectation of repaying it. he maybe decided to chip in further down the line. you have a while yet so that should give you time to save and plan accordingly and if him or anyone else decided to help it would be extra money not sometihng that you depended on to make things work.

Post # 19
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry to say that you are not in the right to think that he should help out. If you can get married then it’s your choice, and therefore your responsibility to pay for it.  If they want to help that’s great, but seriosuly, you can’t expect them to help. My parents offered $2K and I was ecstatic.  If you are tight on funds, then cut costs on the wedding. You can have a great one for under $10k.

Post # 20
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

futuretrent I would suck it up and only do what you can afford to pay for. I know that sounds harsh but I come from a family that  wouldn’t help me even if I was about to be on the street. Just be greatful that you have a relationship with your dad at all and leave it at that. That being said, I am really sorry your having to deal with this.

Post # 21
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We’re paying for the wedding completely on our own. My parents are planning to give us some money for a wedding gift, but I have no idea how much.

If your dad is planning to give you money as a wedding present, you might see if he would consider giving it to you early so you can use it toward the wedding.

 

Post # 22
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My Fiance and I are paying for our wedding on our own as well.  In my culture it is tradition that the Groom’s parent’s pay for the wedding, but I knew going into this that it was not going to happen.  Although it would be nice to get some help from them in a way I am glad I am not.  This way I will never have to feel indebted to them.  We have both always been independent and we are both the only two kids out of all our siblings that never expect or ask anything of our parents, and I am proud of that.  Think of it this way, the day will be that more special because you know that you did it all yourselves!  Heck, my soon to be father in law told me my wedding was too expensive, even though I told him it was less than his daughter’s wedding earlier this year.  Do you know what his response was?  He said to my face…well her husband’s family paid for it all.  I guess he was expecting my family to do the same.

Post # 23
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m probably just echoing what others have to say, but neither parent is required to pay for a single thing. This is between you and him. Even if your mom contributes, he is not required to. Is there any reason why he doesn’t want to contribute? Even though he’s remarried, there may be a reason (whether its good or not) he doesn’t want to contribute. While it’s traditional that the bride’s family pay for the wedding, it is not a requirement.

Neither of my parents paid for my college – I earned those degrees entirely on my own. Even though this is my second wedding, I doubt my dad will be pitching in. I’m not bitter or annoyed, it just is what it is. I didn’t like my first wedding – we kept it cheap and I had so many doubts going into it. We ended up doing a destination wedding, and paid for the vast majority of it ourselves (I actually planned the whole deal solo and in about 2 months while working full time retail, college full time, and volunteering part time). When we (ex and I) were going to get married local, my dad tried telling me what I “needed” to have at teh wedding, and was mad when his name wasn’t on the invite (it said “Holly & ExIdiot would be honored if you joined them…blah blah” or whatever not anything about the parents) – but he didn’t contribute a dime. HE didn’t even come to the wedding, as he groaned he didn’t have money. So I found the money for a flight and offered a friend’s house or a hotel if he really needed it, and then he said he culdn’t go without his wife.Sorry, I’m not paying foro a family vacation. 

If you can’t afford the wedding on your own and your dad won’t contribute, you may have to consider downsizing it. Is there anything you can cut out or go a little cheaper on?

Post # 24
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My husband and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves (and for college ourselves, with the help of bursaries and student loans!)

However, we found out that my parents had weasled in and paid for our venue the day we went to sign the contract!  It was their wedding gift to us.

I don’t think anything should be expected.  All of the other expenses were our own and we preferred it that way. 

If you’re having a hard time affording the expenses for your wedding, maybe taking a look at your budget and better managing your expectations would do a world of good!

Post # 25
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Here is another one that my first wedding we were both 20. Neither set of parents paid anything. Heck, my mom and step dad stayed at our apartment while we went to a hotel the night we got married. My ex’s mom had to literally sell 2 cows to get the money for a flight down from Kentucky to Ft Lauderdale for her and one of his sisters.

We had 50 at our wedding that took place by the pool of the apartment complex where we lived. Total wedding cost including my $70 dress from JC Penneys, and our food, as well as rental chairs and our 4 night honeymoon was just under $1100. It can be done.

 

This time around our wedding will have 80 guests and our budget is $2000, but will end up less than that.

Post # 26
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I definitely don’t think you should be expecting your dad to pay for anything…

Post # 27
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

uhhh… welcome to the real world! If you really want it, then You will need to pay for it yourself. A Lot of parents are not chipping in on weddings anymore

Post # 28
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t expect him to contribute. If you ask and he says no, then I would accept that and move on.

That being said: our parents (both mine and FI’s) will be helping with the wedding costs. It has nothing to do with being old enough to get married so we should pay for it, they both offered to contribute and we accepted. Just as there is nothing wrong with paying for your day yourself, there is nothing wrong with those of us who choose to accept help from our families.

Post # 29
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What kind of ideas could we possibly give you to MAKE your father pay for half of your wedding? A magic button that opens his wallet? What does his new “woman” have to do with paying for your wedding? Does he say he can’t because of his new wife?

I’ve heard it over and over on WB “If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for your own wedding”. If it’s a 10 person wedding that shouldn’t take to long for you and your Fiance to save for.

Post # 30
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would just have a polite conversation with him asking if he could help. If he says no, then so be it.

My parents helped me a lot with college and the wedding. My FI’s parents are more of “You are 18, you’re on your own”. Neither is right and neither is wrong, it is just a different style of child rearing.

I know it can be frustrating, but it is best to just plan a wedding your and your Fiance can afford and make it the best wedding possible.

Post # 31
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with everyone else who said that you are not entitled to have anyone help pay for your wedding (or your education for that matter). Your father knows you are getting married and if he wanted to help he would offer. Clearly he does not want to help, and trying to sway him just makes you look like a brat. Plan a wedding that you and Fiance can afford on your own.

The topic ‘Father refuses to help pay for wedding’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors