- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Some background: I’m not very close with my real dad. He and my mother split when I was very young, too young to remember. He was remarried when I was about 5. His wife never liked us kids, the ones from his first marriage, my brother, my sister and me. Long story short, he chose his new family over us. He had two kids with his current wife and we never really see him. He also HATES my mother, who I’m very close to.
He and my brother had a falling out several years ago. My real dad chose not to attend my brother’s wedding. I’m not sure if it was because he was mad at my brother or didn’t want to be in the same room as my mother, but he and his family were invited.
There is a similar story with my sister; my dad doesn’t really get along with her. I have a 3 year old niece (my sister’s kid) that he has only seen when I’m babysitting her (once or twice since I live 6 hours from my home town). My sister has offered to meet up with him and let him meet his granddaughter, get lunch or whatever he wants to do, but he always refuses.
I’m really the only kid from his first marriage that he still talks to. Not regularly, but once every few months or so I’ll IM him on the computer and ask about the weather and his job, small talk. I don’t talk to him about family stuff because he always talks crap about my mother, sister and brother, all of whom I care about a lot.
My step dad is pretty awesome. My mom has been married to him for about 13 years now. He let me use part of his GI bill to help pay for some of my school. He comes and visits me at my home for the holidays. He came to “Dad’s Weekend” in college. He’s very supportive and calls me on my birthday. He is all around a great guy.
My real dad refused to help me with college because he doesn’t believe in higher education for women. He never once visited me in college or has seen where I’ve lived the past 4 years now. I have left an open invitation out there, so it isn’t like he feels like he isn’t invited.
So I guess I didn’t make that story very short. But my question is this: I still talk to my real dad and don’t want to burn any bridges. I don’t want to offend anyone and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s’ feelings. I don’t know what to do about my wedding and the father daughter traditions. I think there is a 50/50 chance that my real dad would show up, and if he did, and he saw my step dad walk me down the aisle, I think that would be something of a slap in the face. Same with the father daughter dance.
Do I do one with each of them? Both of them with the step dad? Both of them with the real dad? Do I do none of them? I don’t know. Has anyone else gone through something similar like this? Any advice would be appreciated.