Father's Day and overbearing MIL

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
6922 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I do think you are being a little silly. She didn’t take anything away from you. Your DH doesn’t have to wear the set she bought – except that you cancelled your order. So you took yourself out of things. 

I can understand being a little annoyed but really you are just giving her more power in this situation. And does it really matter what shirt he’s wearing? It’s just a shirt.

Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Maybe it’s all the little stuff getting to you, but in the case of just this one scenario that you’ve shared… sorry bee, but you’re overreacting. I don’t see why he can’t have 2 daddy and me sets. And I doubt she did it to spite you.

Post # 4
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think your feelings are valid. This is the type of stuff (plus always wanting to be in our finances, etc) my MIL would do if my husband didn’t put her in her place about it but I will say I don’t think mine (or yours) would do something like this with bad intentions. Why did you cancel your order? I certainly wouldn’t have. 

Post # 5
Member
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

weddingbliss1028 :  I understand your annoyance. A “Daddy and me” set is cute for a new father and baby. But I think it’s freaking weird for two adult men. It’s the sort of thing Marie Barone (the interfering MIL in “Everybody Loves Raymond”) would get for Raymond.

So buy your set. Either DH can wear it all day, or he can wear the one his mother bought for a few hours, to keep the peace.

Post # 6
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

aussiemum1248 :  I’m pretty sure the MIL got it for OPs husband to wear with the baby, not with his adult father. 

 

weddingbliss1028 :  Sorry OP, perhaps there’s more going on behind this post but in this situation you’re overreacting, I think she was just excited for her son to have his first fathers day, I don’t think she was trying to be spiteful.  

Post # 7
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Speaking as a fairly new mom with an overbearing MIL, I totally get it. I’d be upset too, especially if it was part of a pattern of behavior. I probably would have still gotten my set and given it to DH in the morning. I got my husband and son matching shirts last year for his first Father’s Day and I felt it was my place to do so. I’d just give him your shirts (if you can still get them) in the morning and if he feels the need to wear the shirts from his mom later in  the day or ar another family occasion, he can do so.

Post # 9
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper

weddingbliss1028 :  You could have still had him wear the set regardless of what they bought.  I have bought my husband a matching t shirt set every single year and he wears it because that’s our tradition.  I don’t care whatever his mother or SILs buys him because he’ll wear the one that I got him.

Post # 11
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper

weddingbliss1028 :  I would tell your husband that it means a lot for you to wear the shirt that you got him because he is the father to your child.  And you’ve picked this out because it is your first father’s day with him as a family of three.  If she can’t understand that then she’s being bitchy and in the wrong.  You’re not in the wrong for this.

Post # 12
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

weddingbliss1028 :  how she reacts is not your problem and it’s all on her.  Your husband can decide what he wants to wear as well.  You can’t dictate what others give your husband (holly controlling batman) but you can make sure what you gift him is special because it’s coming from you and his child and a starwars matching set is way cooler than anything your mil could gift him.

Post # 13
Member
4169 posts
Honey bee

weddingbliss1028 :  I wouldn’t have cancelled the order, but I see why you’d be annoyed. Especially if she’s already overbearing this is just another one of those “ugh” moments. I would buy it again (assuming it’s prime eligible and you can get it in time!) and give it to him anyways. 

Edit: glad you reordered it! honestly I would give it to him first thing on Sunday morning when you wake up and ask him to wear it to the family get together later that day. You live with him (I’m assuming MIL doesn’t live with you) so then what will she do – ask him to change once she gives him her shirts?

Post # 14
Member
8645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The only way I’d be annoyed is if you told her you were going to do this and expected them to wear the outfits on the day and she went ahead and she did the same thing. Otherwise how could she possibly know?  Personally, I’m not into matching outfits or graphic tee shirts for adults for that matter, but neither set sound as if they are specific to Father’s Day. 

As it is, this is a big nothing and an overreaction that’s based on your history with her, I’m sure. 

Post # 15
Member
345 posts
Helper bee

weddingbliss1028 :  Ahhhh, I’m the mother of the son here……(lol, MY son, not weddingbliss’s) ……..please don’t make him choose….. You should always always come first (along with your own son) I get it….but wouldn’t your story play out better when you tell him, yes you ordered it, but found out his mom did too, so you almost cancelled because you wouldn’t ever want to put him in a tough spot.  Save that for what really matters, a shirt, while cute and thoughtful, isn’t so much to fight over.  This all being said, just keep talking to him and trying to work it out. 

Thanks for listening….and I’d still give him his shirts, there will be other occassions to wear them <3

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