Post # 1
Last May my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma. My Fi and I had been together for over 5 years at the time and we were ready, so he proposed in hopes that my dad would be able to make it to the wedding. He fought really hard, but he died April 25, 72 days before the wedding. We had a year to process his illness (lots of crying) as we all knew that he wouldn’t recover and I had a chance to say goodbye, so I haven’t been too emotional. Until Father’s Day. It was like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on and I was completely shocked to be honest. I thought I’d done enough crying during the year that I watched him slowly die. I have been through some pretty serious emotional pain and have never felt anything close to how I felt on Sunday.
My wedding is on July 11th, 23 days away, and I am now terrified that I will feel these same emotions on my wedding day. I gues I’m just looking to see how other brides with loving fathers who died before the wedding felt on that day. The wedding is literally the wedding of my dreams and my Fi is the most incredible human I’ve ever met. I want to be able to enjoy my day and I’m afraid I’ll be caught off gaurd again. How did you feel??
Post # 2
sorry for your loss. my father passed away unexpectedly 4 months before i met my now husband and 3 years before my wedding. though i was fine on my wedding day, i still get random bouts of sadness and not just on father’s day or his birthday. it is ok to cry and it might come at the most random time. you might be driving down the road and see a billboard sign that reminds you of your dad. you are not alone in missing him and you can always share stories of your father with your family.
Post # 3
lcutter711: Sorry for your loss! Totally understandably that he will be missed at your wedding.
Post # 4
lcutter711: I haven’t been through this but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁
Its hard to know how you will feel, the day will probably be filled with a huge range of emotions but that’s ok. Let yourself feel what you need to feel but also let yourself enjoy all the wonderful moments. Your dad would still want it to be the happiest day of your life.
Wishing you and your family peace and happiness OP xx
Post # 5
Very sorry for your loss. I believe, strongly, that our most loved ones are never far away even when death separates us. Sure, you will be emotional and yes, he will be sadly missed but I’m certain that he would want you to have the happiest and most wonderful wedding day.
Don’t be fearful of showing your emotions though. It is completely natural.
Post # 6
My father died two months before I met DH and 5 years before my wedding. When I first got engaged I sobbed because I would not be like all the other brides. No father daughter dance. No walk down the ailse. Six months before my wedding I asked my mother to walk me down the ailse and she was thrilled.
On my wedding day I was such a ball of nerves (hoping everything would go perfectly) I honestly didn’t realize he wasn’t there. I attribute it to the fact that you’re surround by so much love that day.
I had my mother daughter dance and everyone later commented how sweet it was.
I also want to comment that we didn’t do anything to publically memorialize him either. There was no rememberance candle, bouquet or picture table. I did carry one momento of him with me and only for me. That was my little part of him I carried with me that day.
Post # 7
lcutter711: so sorry for your loss. maybe find a way to commemorate him in a special and personal way so you carry him around with you on your wedding day (a photo charm on your boquet?). if you’re spiritual, talk to him and get your feelings out before the big day. write a letter. get it out, all over again. i haven’t lost a parent yet, but i imagine the grief will always be there. so when it comes, ride it. feel it, and then send it off with love.
hope you find peace on your big day!
Post # 8
My dad passed away 20 years ago so for me it’s different. He didn’t get to see me do anything besides have my first communion. Since it wasn’t so new like your situation I was fine on my wedding day. The day is so hectic that I think you’ll be fine. I planned things a certain way but I was so caught up in the moment the day of, we just kind of flew by the seat of our pants!
Post # 9
lcutter711: im sorry sweety. ;-( i lost my dad to prostate cancer 10 years ago now. it doesnt really get easier. my dad passed away on fathers day so its always such a hard time of year. in fact this year was the first year that i wasnt completly depressed about it. but we didnt have a huge fathers day party and that usually stings. my brother and i danced at our wedding. im dont like to cry. def not in front of people so i picked a happy song for us. one i knew my mother would love. there was one song i wanted to pick for him but knew i wouldnt have been able to make it threw the song. ;-( down the aisle was fine because my brother was there and happy for us. also there was sooo much going on and so much going wrong and right that i didnt have much time to think at all. just that i wanted to be married. i had years to prepare myself for that day though. I put a lovley picture of my father at the church with a lit candle. we also brought it to the reception. there were lots of this friends there. i didnt want to make too big of a deal as far as some people will leave a chair and all that. i feel that brings up too much emotion. just remember he will be there with you and he would want you to be happy at your wedding. it will be okay. fathers day was always the hardest for me.
Post # 10
lcutter711: I dont have advice on this one, just sympathy. My wedding is in july, and my mom passed from stage 4 uterine cancer a few months ago. I have not gotten to a point yet where I can talk abiut it without crying. Like for you, the past year has been awful but somehow I’m not all cried out yet. I do think it will, hit pretty hard for both of us on our wedding day. My only strategies are to pray a lot, make sure I have time set aside for just me Iin the morning to cry, be aangry, whatever without having to pretend to be calm in front of other people and family (dont want to set everyone else off too), and to invest in some really good waterproof mascara. I’m sorry for your loss and your pain. 🙁
Post # 11
ajillity81: Thanks. I’m sorry for your loss.
little1: My cousin who I grew up with is dancing with me to my dad’s favorite song.
leprechaura: omgg I’m so sorry! Ugh terrible timing.
Post # 12
My dad passed away in October last year, and I just got married last weekend. My FIL talked about my dad at the rehearsal dinner speech (unexpectedly), so my mom and I were crying our eyes out. But our officiant talked about dad during the ceremony (planned), and we got through that last just fine. I think when you know it’s coming, you can mentally prepare yourself for the memories that come back. The unexpected references are tough. But remember how much your dad loved you, and how happy he would be to know that you’re loved and with a good man that he approved of. He would want you to be happy on your wedding day, not sad and mourning.
Post # 13
MariContrary: thank you so much!