Post # 1
I’m in the really early stages of planning my wedding, we are hoping to get married abroad without family there, but we haven’t ruled out a blessing ceremony here.
My Dad was a terrible father growing up, alcoholic, abusive, cheated on my mother, they divorced when I was 20 (I am 27 now.) He went right out and married the first woman who hit on him, she is insecure, can be very vindictive and has treated me and my brother poorly. For six months, I didn’t even speak to my dad, though he sent cards and flowers etc till I gave in. I have a relationship with him, but’s a very strained, unequal one and I feel like he has not been the kind of protective father I would want to walk me down the aisle.
I have a stepfather of four years, I get on very well with him. He put a roof over my head when I was homeless a few years ago. he has helped me emotionally, financially, never come between me and my mother and has always made me and brother feel like family. My stepfather never had any children of his own, he lived with a woman for 15 years and raised her kids, but they cut him out of their life when he and the woman split up. This will be the only chance he will have to walk a daughter down the aisle.
Obviously, I feel like I can’t choose between them. I don’t want to punish my birth father, but I know if he walked me down the aisle, we’d all be thinking how hypocritical it is. My Fiance gets on with my dad but doesn’t have much respect for him given the way he treats me. I don’t feel I can ask my stepfather instead of my Dad, that would cause obvious upset.
I do have an older brother I was going to ask, but I don’t know if I am then denying the tradition from both my fathers. Has anyone had both birth and step fathers give them away? Would it look messy and awkward?
Alterntaively, has anyone side stepped this tradition altogether without upsetting their fathers?
Post # 3
I can’t relate, but I have heard of bride’s asking both father and step father to walk her down. Unfortunately, this usually doesn’t work as one feels more entitled than the other.
In that case, I would opt to either walk down yourself or have your brother walk you down. You don’t need to stay with tradition here or anything. It is who is close to you in your life.
Post # 4
I have seen a few people on here mention this way, where you have one of your fathers to walk you down the aisle, to be met by the other father who gives your hand to the groom. But I think at the end it is what you feel most comfortable with.
Post # 5
Do what YOU want. If you prefer your step dad, do that. It’s about YOU. If you want to go by yourself, do that. If you want to walk down with your mom, do that. There’s no rule that it has to be a man. Heck, you could even walk down the aisle with your Fiance. That’s what we’re doing, and people on these boards that have done it rave about it.
Post # 6
You could always opt to walk down the aisle alone or with your brother to prevent offending anyone. Sounds like your brother was always there for you.
Post # 7
My parents divorced when I was 2, and my mom remarried when I was 5. My dad wasn’t always there for me when I was a kid, so I was basically raised by my step father. I always had a good relationship with my dad, but my stepdad was my soccer coach, the one who went to parent teacher interviews, fought with me, drove me places, etc. In my adult years, my dad has grown up alot, and we’re much closer than we have ever been.
I’ve decided that I can’t choose between them, and I won’t. I want both of my dads to walk me down the aisle. I figure, if one of them has a problem with this (which they won’t), he can just be one of the guests. I’m not worried about offending anyone, though. I also don’t think it’ll surprise anyone.
Have you thought about asking your mom to walk you down the aisle? Or do you have a grandfather you’re close too. Forget about tradition and what other people will think, and do what feels right for you!