(Closed) Faux Bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@LightninLove:  Its normal to be a little bummed when you arent asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you were hoping you would be. But just because she didnt ask you doesn’t mean she doesnt love and care about you still. It can be really tough to pick your bridal party sometimes, and sometimes feelings get hurt. I didnt ask a really good friend of mine to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because I wanted to keep it a small party. I love her though and she still helps me with any wedding planning.

I would suggest to take a step back and think about your friendship. It sounds like she is trying to include you still, which is nice. what kind of things is she asking of you?

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

If she picked other girls because of status/connections she may well have been under a lot of pressure from the family. You never know what goes on behind the scenes when it comes to family politics. The fact that she didn’t tell you probably just indicates how badly she felt about it and she just tried to avoid the situation (believe me, this happens!!! Embarassed) But as you said, you’re not officially a Bridesmaid or Best Man so you have every right to say no if she asks you to do things. Just try to enjoy the excitement and don’t let it get to you.

Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i think overall you are handling this well though.  Like PPs said, there may be a reason she felt she had to pick other BMs. I myself had a tough time because I only had 4 spots to fill, but could easily have put 5-6 girls there.  My friends that aren’t in it are also invited to all the things the BMs are, and even to the rehearsal dinner.  Thankfully they are just happy to be included in anyway, and although you may be hurt, what’s most important is if your friendship really matters to you both, you will be there to support her and she will do what she can to make you feel as included as possible!

Post # 7
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LightninLove:  no.  Sounds like she is using you as free labor. 

You are a wedding guest.  Nothing more.  Nothing is required of you.  You are not obligated to do any of this.

Post # 9
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LightninLove:  Keep politely saying no. You’re busy, you’ve got to do your nails, anything 🙂 These are beyond what many BMs do. e.g. She should write her own emails, she is being ridiculous.

By The Way it sounds like she’s overmanaging, e.g. she shouldn’t be involed in bachelorette party planning

But don’t get too hurt over not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You don’t know how often she sees these other girls, she might be closer to them than you realise.

Post # 10
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@LightninLove:  I’m not going to be popular here but what the hell….

I would absolutely say no, and not just because she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid.  She made a commitment to you before she got married, she didn’t follow through on that commitment, but what’s even more upsetting is that she couldn’t pluck up the courage to have a conversation with you to let you know? And after she treated that badly, she’s now asking you to do a bunch of stuff?

Remember that kid in school that used to do other people’s homework for them? That’s who you are right now, and you deserve w-a-y better than that.

Post # 11
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

@anothersmith:  +1 I was going to say the same thing about the homework,

Post # 12
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@Liss13:  I don’t know how people have the nerve sometimes.  Do their friends have “Doormat” tattooed on their foreheads?

Post # 13
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

@anothersmith:  I wouldnt have the balls to do that to my friends, man. Id feel too bad. Id do it to family though, 😉

kidddding.

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