Post # 1
A lot of brides today are considering giving a donation to a charity in lieu of a traditional favor. I’d like to get everyone’s opinions on this. I think some people see it as giving their gift away for them. As a wedding guest, what do you think?
I personally think that favors are a waste of money. But that is only now that I am the bride and I actually know how much all of this stupid stuff costs!
Post # 3
Yeah, the favors add up so quickly. Paying $2 for a cheesey toy is no big deal but multiply that by 100-200+ guests and… ugh. We are doing caramel apples but I was hesitant because I feel like… we’re already feeding people for rehearsal dinner (semi-DW), wedding apps and dinner, and dessert. But I fell for the cute packaging I came up with 🙂 Anyway I was THIS close to doing donation instead. I’m all for the donations.
Post # 4
I read your other post about honoring your father, and I think it’s a great idea. I’m interested in how it works, exactly. Do you have a sign that says “in lieu of favor’s we’ve donate X to the cancer society”?
Post # 5
I really like the idea! The Fiance and I are really active with the county Humane Association and anyone who knows us at all knows this we’re especially concerned with the kitties at the shelter there’s so many up there and both of our furbabies are shelter rescue kitties. My plan is to take pictures of the kitties from the shelter and put them at the table as the cards with a little message saying something like: “Since we’re starting our new life together and in honor of all the friends and family we have here today we’ve decided to give some furry friends a chance at a new life with a new family. A donation has been made in honor of all our friends and family to CCHA” then maybe give away little kitty figures or something so they still have something tangeable to remember our wedding.
Post # 6
My father is actually still living, I was just using that as an example because the person who started the thread was in that situation. But if I go the donation route, I will probably donate to THON, a huge philanthropy for kids with cancer at my and my FI’s alma mater.
I think it would be neat to tell a story behind why you are donating to a certain charity (maybe to convince the people who would have rather gotten a favor). I think it’s not only an awesome way to use your wedding to make a positive different in the world (even if it is just a small one) but it is also a way to share some personal about the bride and groom with the guests. But I don’t think you need to put the amount donated. I also don’t think it needs to be stated “in lieu of favors”, but you can if you want. I don’t know if there are rules for this sort of thing, hence the poll 🙂
I can’t believe people come to weddings expecting favors. Do people really think, “This is a great party, but man, where is my favor?” I guess each person has their own idea about what a wedding should be!
Post # 7
IMO, giving a donation in lieu of favors is not a good idea. If you want to take the money and donate it instead of having favors, then do so. But there is no reason to announce the donation to your guests as their “favor”. It comes off as self-congratulatory/smug. How do you know what causes or charities yor guests support? If you want to give your guests a small gift, then do it. If you want to make a charity donation, do it. But don’t mix the two together and pass off the donation as a “gift”.
Post # 8
I don’t know about you guys – I’ve thrown some of my favors away that I’ve gotten from weddings. And I’ve always felt bad about it – but I have no use for them!
Post # 9
We went to a wedding where they said that in lieu of favors they had made a donation to support Epilepsy research- which was neat because the groom has epiliesy. I thought it wa smuch better than some trinket.
Post # 10
I didn’t vote, as nothing quite fit my personal opinion. I’m more of a ‘give an edible favor, or a donation, or nothing’. I’m ok with all of those! Although I loved your wedding…I don’t need coasters to remind me of it.
I think that the meaning of the donation would be lost if you did both a donation AND a favor….so I’m against that.
Post # 11
I think iff you feel passionately about donating to a charity that has significance to you as a couple or your families, then perhaps a nice note in a program or on a small card on the table is appropriate. Perhaps something that says “In honor of ____ we have donated as a couple to XYZ Charity.” OR, I saw somewhere (either here or on another wedding blog) where I think the couple had three different boxes set up representing three different charities and guests got to drop a token into the charity of their choice and I THINK the couple donated money based off that. So that way guests can participate and feel like they are helping contribute, especially since you’re kind of saying you’re donating FOR them instead of giving them a favor. I don’t know. I’m kind of torn. I’ve been to weddings where they do the “in lieu of a favor we have donated to ____” and weddings where they flat out didn’t give favors. I kind of preferred just the absence of the favor.
Post # 12
I’ve been to a wedding where the couple donated money to a scholarship fund set up in memory of the groom’s father as “favours”. I thought it was a nice gesture, and didn’t miss not getting a little cup of candy or whatever.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some sweet candy and am a huge fan of candy buffets, but a charitable donation in lieu of favours doesn’t offend me.
Post # 13
I didn’t vote, either, as none of them fits my opinion, though I’d vote “hate the idea” if I HAD to, but I don’t need a favor, either. I never liked the donation idea “in lieu” of favors; hated it as a guest. In my opinion, if you are going to give a donation, do it, but don’t involve your guests into it, as it has nothing to do with your giving favors to the guests. I don’t see how a donation is a “gesture of appreciation or gratitude to guests”.
I also understand the budget and how it might be viewed as a “waste of money”, and if I go to a wedding, it’s perfectly fine if there are no favors, either. For my own wedding, I might or might not have favors, but definitely NO donations. (My Fiance hates the idea, too, and feel the same way I do.)
I know I am in the minority on this one, but it’s just my personal opinion. 🙂
Post # 14
Personally, I’m not a fan of the “a donation has been made in your honour” cards. If you want to make a donation, that’s awesome, but I don’t need my own card telling me that you did so. I feel bad for wasting the paper. Favours are a really nice gesture for your guests, as well, but I don’t think people will miss them if you don’t have them.
An idea if you want to do both a donation and favours: my Fiance and I went to his cousin’s wedding last year. His family goes NUTS over clinking their glasses to get the couple to kiss, so instead of allowing that, they set up a donation box. If you wanted the couple to kiss, you had to put in some change. My table put together $20 for the box and he dipped her almost to the floor! It was a lot of fun and it all went towards cancer research 🙂
Post # 15
Honestly, I can’t understand why people would think this is a bad idea or ‘self-congratulatory’. My grandmother suffered from alzheimer’s for many years and it was extremely painful for my family, and based on our history it is likely someone else in my family will have it as well. In memory of my grandmother, we will be donating money to the Alzheimer’s society since she is no longer here to share in my wedding day.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making donations in someone’s name. My sister often gives my parents gifts in the form of certificates that show she donated their would-be gift money to buy mosquito nets or goats etc. for communities in Africa. I’ve been to a wedding where they did this before and I felt lifted that the money they would have spent on something I really didn’t miss went to a good cause.
@Littlelynx – I’ve seen that done too and I liked it a lot!
Post # 16
i think like most things it is a regional difference. here guests would be quite put off if they thought the couple gave them nothing as a favor. i think something should be said especially if the donation given supports someone who is no longer there, for example the bride’s mom or groom’s dad or if it was a cause close to the couple’s heart. i personally think it’s a great way to remember the person and think how cool the couple was to do it. you never know someone else may be getting married and may be considering a plastic cup with candies in it and think hey you know what i can donate to someone who needs it because it will go a lot further than three hersheys in a cup.