Post # 1
This is my first time posting, so I hope my post makes sense! 🙂
I’m in a bit of a dilemma. My final guest list number is at 196, however we are not feeding all those 196 people. That number is made up of our family and friends. We have chosen to just feed our family and a select few “family friends” who have some significance in the wedding planning. My question for all of you is, for the favors (we are doing s’mores, so SUPER easy) should we make enough and give them out to just the people attending dinner, or should we make enough and give them out to everyone who is invited?
My fiance says to just give them out to the people who are coming for supper, but i’m stuck and not sure what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
In the off chance you are being serious…can I ask how you plan to only feed some guests and not all? I can’t wrap my mind around any situation that would make that okay. You give favors- and feed- ALL of your guests, period. If you invite someone it is to the whole shindig- the ceremony and reception which should include food and drink of some sort.
Post # 4
@piinksharpiie: Sorry, but I have to agree with pp. Maybe I don’t quite understand…? Only some of your guests will be served food? How do you tell your guests that they have to wait around while some of the other guests are eating? I have to vote that all guests should get a favour. Especially if they won’t be served dinner.
Post # 5
My ceremony is at 1:30 and the dinner is at 5:30 and reception (drinks, dancing, toasts) start at 8. I’ve been to a few weddings and know people who have had weddings where they only have their family for dinner. I’ll be having a midnight lunch later that night once everyone is there.
Post # 6
I think we need more information before we could make an objective response. Are you saying that only some of your guests are invited to dinner? Is this the norm where you are from or in your culture?
Post # 7
I’m sorry, but I find that to be incredibly rude. Either you can afford to feed all of your invited guests, or you cut your list down/find a cheaper venue to accommodate them all. You are the host here. If you’re not going to bother feeding your guests, at least give them all a favor as thanks for taking an entire day out of their lives to attend your party and give you money/gifts.
ETA: I saw your second post about the “midnight lunch”. Is there any way you can move this to an earlier time so that guests can be fed at least around the same time as your dinner?
Post # 8
I am going to go out on a limb here because I normally just lurk around and I mean no offense but if I was a friend on the list and not “family” I would not want to attend your wedding based on the information you have provided at least the reception part of it. Not only would I find it extremely rude to attend a wedding and watch “family” eat while I was starved, I would also find it as an insult that you did not find me important enough to feed.
Your wedding spans a large amount of the day and I really can’t imagine that you will find a tactful way to tell people they should find a way to eat because they didn’t make the cut. Because of the times of day of your wedding you should probably feed guests. At minimum have finger foods on the heavy side so that guests should feel fulfilled during the hours they share with you on your special day. JMO.
This is so far fetched to me that I’m calling Made-Up Drama.
ETA: Forgot to address the favor question at hand. You give EVERYONE a favor or NO ONE at all. How does one keep non family attendees out of the favors? A sign that say “Please no friends. These are reserved for family only”??
Post # 9
@jocember… this. Move the lunch forward to be able to feed all of your guests.
I guess there could be a fair chance that some guests may not be invited to the reception dinner and be given a later time to attend for the dancing. How would someone feel as a guest if they overheard someone talking about a dinner they realized they where not invited to. I would be upset and probably leave. On the other hand because of the spaced out timing of events I would probably only attend the ceremony. I do believe a lot of people space out the ceremony and reception times though.
I guess there could be a fair chance that some guests may not be invited to the reception dinner and be given a later time to attend for the dancing.
Post # 10
Ok I think everyone needs to calm down and not attack the OP for being rude – we don’t know where she’s from or what the cultural norm is there. I’m going to agree with @julies1949:, we need more info. I don’t think that the wedding the OP is describing is too far off from the way weddings are done in the UK, where you invite some guests to the ceremony only and some guests to the “wedding breakfast”, so before judging her, let’s wait for some more info here.
Post # 11
@piinksharpiie: So…I’m guessing the cermony and reception aren’t in the same spot, right? After the ceremony, you expect guest to either find someplace else to go for between 3-6 hours, depending on how “important” they are?
Thats…very strange and I would not attend, personally. But if you’re having everyone at the dancing part, then you give favors to everyone.
Post # 12
I have heard of having a dinner after the wedding, and invite others for dancing once dinner has been completed. Is this what you mean? I am just going to assume you are not having everybody there at the same time and only feed family while others watch. For the favors, I would give one to everybody.
Post # 13
Not trying to be rude, but here I thought posting something here might be helpful in planning my wedding, but it just seems as though i’m being attacked. Every person plans their wedding differently, and how they choose to do it is up to them.
I’m from Canada, incase anyone was wondering. And yes, i’ve been to some weddings where I was invited to everything because of being family, but some people showed up later as they were just invited to the reception part of it and at that wedding they didn’t have a midnight lunch either. I’ve also been to some weddings where some are invited to all of the wedding festivites, and others are only invited to part. Here it is normal to have your wedding span a large part of the day, and to have your ceremony and reception broken up.
My ORIGINAL plan was to have everyone invited to the ceremony at 1:30, then have family for dinner at 5:30 and the rest of the guests to arrive at around 8 for dancing, midnight lunch, toasts, first dances… that sort of thing. Almost all of the rest of the guests that are not included in the family portion are from the city where I live so.
I don’t know what else to say, as I feel as if I give out too much information i’m going to be told off. Thanks for all your options however.
ETA: Yes, the ceremony and reception are at two different places. And yes, I am not having everyone arrive at the same time so that the people who would be just invited to the dancing portion are not standing around watching everyone eat. That would be rude on my part and there’s no way that I would ever do that.
Post # 14
I think everyone said what I was thinking about the dinner, so that being out of the way, I would suggest this:
-if your guests are all attending the 5:30 dinner, they need a favour.
-if your guests are attending the 8:00 reception, they need a favour.
I don’t think there are ettiquette guidelines around this because ettiquette usually states that you don’t have to invite everyone to the ceremony, but anyone who is invited to a prior event (like the ceremony) must be invited to the subsequent events in the day. I would assume that you would hand out favours to anyone who might give you a gift, and therefore anyone who is attending the reception and/or dinner.
ETA: I agree that a lot of people are criticizing and that is unfair. I hope this helped in a non-critical way!
Post # 15
The favor thing is resolved. I have now decided to give favors to everyone.
Post # 16
@takemyhand: Yes thank you. You have helped me make my decision.