(Closed) Favors – Give to everyone or just to “family”?

posted 6 years ago in Favors
Post # 3
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

In the off chance you are being serious…can I ask how you plan to only feed some guests and not all? I can’t wrap my mind around any situation that would make that okay. You give favors- and feed- ALL of your guests, period. If you invite someone it is to the whole shindig- the ceremony and reception which should include food and drink of some sort. 

Post # 4
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@piinksharpiie: Sorry, but I have to agree with pp. Maybe I don’t quite understand…? Only some of your guests will be served food? How do you tell your guests that they have to wait around while some of the other guests are eating? I have to vote that all guests should get a favour. Especially if they won’t be served dinner.

Post # 6
Member
46383 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think we need more information before we could make an objective response. Are you saying that only some of your guests are invited to dinner? Is this the norm where you are from or in your culture?

Post # 7
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry, but I find that to be incredibly rude. Either you can afford to feed all of your invited guests, or you cut your list down/find a cheaper venue to accommodate them all. You are the host here. If you’re not going to bother feeding your guests, at least give them all a favor as thanks for taking an entire day out of their lives to attend your party and give you money/gifts.

ETA: I saw your second post about the “midnight lunch”. Is there any way you can move this to an earlier time so that guests can be fed at least around the same time as your dinner?

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am going to go out on a limb here because I normally just lurk around and I mean no offense but if I was a friend on the list and not “family” I would not want to attend your wedding based on the information you have provided at least the reception part of it. Not only would I find it extremely rude to attend a wedding and watch “family” eat while I was starved, I would also find it as an insult that you did not find me important enough to feed.

 

Your wedding spans a large amount of the day and I really can’t imagine that you will find a tactful way to tell people they should find a way to eat because they didn’t make the cut. Because of the times of day of your wedding you should probably feed guests. At minimum have finger foods on the heavy side so that guests should feel fulfilled during the hours they share with you on your special day. JMO.

This is so far fetched to me that I’m calling Made-Up Drama.

 

ETA: Forgot to address the favor question at hand. You give EVERYONE a favor or NO ONE at all. How does one keep non family attendees out of the favors? A sign that say “Please no friends. These are reserved for family only”??

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jocember… this. Move the lunch forward to be able to feed all of your guests. 

I guess there could be a fair chance that some guests may not be invited to the reception dinner and be given a later time to attend for the dancing. How would someone feel as a guest if they overheard someone talking about a dinner they realized they where not invited to. I would be upset and probably leave. On the other hand because of the spaced out timing of events I would probably only attend the ceremony. I do believe a lot of people space out the ceremony and reception times though. 

I guess there could be a fair chance that some guests may not be invited to the reception dinner and be given a later time to attend for the dancing.

Post # 10
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ok I think everyone needs to calm down and not attack the OP for being rude – we don’t know where she’s from or what the cultural norm is there.  I’m going to agree with @julies1949:, we need more info. I don’t think that the wedding the OP is describing is too far off from the way weddings are done in the UK, where you invite some guests to the ceremony only and some guests to the “wedding breakfast”, so before judging her, let’s wait for some more info here.

Post # 11
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@piinksharpiie: So…I’m guessing the cermony and reception aren’t in the same spot, right? After the ceremony, you expect guest to either find someplace else to go for between 3-6 hours, depending on how  “important” they are?

Thats…very strange and I would not attend, personally. But if you’re having everyone at the dancing part, then you give favors to everyone.

Post # 12
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

I have heard of having a dinner after the wedding, and invite others for dancing once dinner has been completed.  Is this what you mean?  I am just going to assume you are not having everybody there at the same time and only feed family while others watch.  For the favors, I would give one to everybody.  

Post # 14
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think everyone said what I was thinking about the dinner, so that being out of the way, I would suggest this:

-if your guests are all attending the 5:30 dinner, they need a favour.

-if your guests are attending the 8:00 reception, they need a favour.

I don’t think there are ettiquette guidelines around this because ettiquette usually states that you don’t have to invite everyone to the ceremony, but anyone who is invited to a prior event (like the ceremony) must be invited to the subsequent events in the day. I would assume that you would hand out favours to anyone who might give you a gift, and therefore anyone who is attending the reception and/or dinner.

 

ETA: I agree that a lot of people are criticizing and that is unfair. I hope this helped in a non-critical way!

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