(Closed) FB Friends Adding Family Member

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wow, this is a difficult situation. I think I would message your friends. Maybe they assumed (from her friending them) that in the last 10 years you’ve made peace with your grandmother, and don’t even realize this is an issue. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah…I would send them a private message.

Let them know how you feel.

You don’t have to give details but let them know just like you wrote this post here.

Post # 5
Member
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would message the friends.  You don’t have to get into a long, drawn out convo about it.  You can just say something about like “hey saw my grandmother added you, weird eh?” At least to let them know you aren’t sure why she added them when you don’t have a relationship with her.

I can relate.  I have family like this,  my sister and my dad.  My dad isn’t on FB, but my sister is.  She has added coworkers and friends of mine.  It’s weird to me.  It’s a long story, but my relationships with my sister and dad aren’t good at all and they both have a history of mental illness as well.  Even when you cut people like that out, they always seem to manage to weasel their way back in.  Ugh.

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would message my friends. Things change over the years and they might not be clued into how things stand now. I’m sure they would honor your request not to interact with her. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sure these friends would rather be friends with you than your grandma. A provate message wouldn’t hurt, especially so they know not to pass along facts and details about you (which they may do, innocently enough).

Part of the charm of facebook is finding people after many years, assuming the old injustices are in the past, and feeling llike you are adult enough to move on nd can be friends with people from high school that you may have hated. Your HS friends may feel that this is what they are doing, without realizing the hurtful behavior is still going on. Definitely clue them in.

Post # 8
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I think you should send a message to them. You don’t have to go into detail, but explain that she’s been harassing and stalking you – enough to warrant police intervention. Most will probably block her immediately if they realize they are being used in that manner.

Post # 9
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would message them and for the ones you aren’t super close to, just explain to them you are not close to her and due to issues in your past you ask that they don’t share any of your information with her at all. And if its closer friends you can get more in detail about what happened.

Obviously you can’t tell them who they can and can’t be facebook friends with but you can request they not share your info or details about your life with her. People will also probably be more understanding of the situation if they know whats going on ahead of time. Rather then later if you find out one of them unknowingly tells her something and all of a sudden you lose it on them.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I understand a little bit about why you’re cautious I think. There’s something difficult about asking someone to do something that might make them uncomfortable. If they “de-friend” them what kind of reaction might your g-ma have and will she then lash out at them.  

I have someone in my life who is not all mentally there and attempted to do something similar. It did take me a while to request this, because of my uncomfort level. However, I decided to be very open and honest with people I was making the request of. Every one did do what I asked, but one person and I eventually de-friended that person. I just didn’t want to risk in any way this person having any access to my life.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

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