Post # 1
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I feel stupid asking this question, but – here I go:
I’m trying to decide if I should unfriend an ‘ex-friend’ from FB.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m putting so much thought into it, honestly, but I’d love some unbiased feedback.
Here’s the history – I had a very close friend for over 20 years. She was a bridesmaid/MOH/best friend type of friend.
Our friendship has been rocky over the past several years – got a little closer before I got married, and then totally dropped off afterwards. It came to a head a few months ago and we officially ended the friendship. It was her decision and not mine.
I know I’m leaving out tons of details – not sure if they would be relevant or not – but the core issue was she felt I was too nice all the time and I annoyed her because I was nice to people she felt I should blow off. After a very long conversation, it was decided no future effort would be put towards the relationship and that was that.
Normally, I would have just deleted her off my FB page but thought that was stupid and childish, considering I have contacts on there that I don’t really talk to. I asked a mutual friend what she thought and she felt like our friendship would eventually reconnect and it would be silly to delete her. The friend in question not very active on FB (so I don’t have to see her posts/think about her) – although, the last week she’s had activity and her name has popped up, which is why I’m thinking about this again.
Darling Husband thinks I should unfriend her and stop thinking about it.
What would you do? I think I’m getting ‘stuck’ on deleting her because I have FB connections with people I never talk to/am not really ‘friends’ with (which I get people are like that on FB… but, still)… and there are lots of mutual (real and FB) friends in common.
Thoughts?
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@oracle: Unless you’re feeling uneasy about her seeing your personal info, photos, status updates (depending on how active you are on there), I would probably just let it be.
It’s funny how now we have to deal with a whole new layer of social etiquette with the invention of FB!
I wouldn’t be surprised if she deleted you eventually. If you do decide to delete her, it’s her own fault since she ended the friendship, so you really shouldn’t feel guilty about doing so.
Post # 4
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
I generally have a FB rolling defriending going on, and if I was no longer friends with the person in life then off FB they go.
Post # 5
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
I dont think that you should delete her because of this statement –
I think I’m getting ‘stuck’ on deleting her because I have FB connections with people I never talk to/am not really ‘friends’ with (which I get people are like that on FB… but, still)… and there are lots of mutual (real and FB) friends in common
Youve been friends for so long… I know this sounds silly, but I just feel like deleting her on FB would/could increase the negativity and complication. I would leave her as a friend and just hide her activity.
Post # 6
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Why delete just her if you have a ton of otherpeople on there you dont talk to? Thats the only reason I’d keep her on,unless you’re doing a massive “friend” cleanup, I’d just leave it be.
Post # 7
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper
In your heart of hearts, do YOU ever want to be friends again?
That should be what determines it.
I was having a fight with a childhood close friend and I said I would need a lot of time to get over what she did before I felt like even talking about it, and in response, she deleted me on facebook without a word. It broke my heart. I never would have done the same. I would have hid her updates if it hurt too much to see them. If you don’t feel they deserve to know your goings-on in that much detail, put them on a limited view (e.g., block them from seeing your wall).
From my perspective we had a serious problem to work through before she deleted me, but we were friends…but once she deleted me, our frienship was killed. The fact that she didn’t even leave me with parting words was salt in the wound. I never thought she would be the kind of person to do that, it was the final proof that that one of the people who had mattered to me most in the world has become someone I wouldn’t even like anymore. Before it, she was my friend. Now, she is a stranger.
Deleting a good friend on facebook after an argument is to me the frienship equivalent of throwing the enagement ring in the river after a fight with your SO. It’s the symbolic killing of the connection. Some overly melodramtic people might do either over every little upset, which tells you a lot about them. Many people wouldn’t delete a good friend unless that friendship was truly toast, in their eyes.
Post # 8
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I think under the circumstances I’d just leave things as they are.
Post # 9
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
I answered your poll based on what I would personally do – not what I necessarily think you should do.
I keep my FB rather private. I only have friends on there whom I don’t mind seeing all my pictures and all my posts (exceptions with some family members whom I block from certain “inappropriate” statuses).
If you’re an open person on FB and not that restictive on your friends, just keep her. If you are super private, delete her.
Post # 10
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
This is something I wonder about too! Haha… I want so badly to deleted FI’s sister from my facebook. He doesn’t have any contact with her besides facebook (she has serious mental issues). I just am really uncomfortable with her looking at our stuff.
But I didn’t want drama from deleting her (her saying things about us, messaging us on facebook asking what happened) – so I put her on my restricted list. That means that they can’t see anything you do unless you make it public.
I’m sure it looks funny to her but at least if asked about it I can just play dumb. Can’t play dumb when you delete someone.
If you think there would be drama, maybe you should keep her… unless you are seriously uncomfortable with her. Then delete her (be more brave than me haha) or if that makes you uncomfortable the restricted list under privacy settings and then blocked people works. You aren’t blocking her. All she’ll know is that she’s still friends with you just “for some reason” your posts aren’t showing. Its a nice option.
Oh – and I also hid her feed so I can’t see it. Some people are really weird about facebook and take it seriously while others are more casual and laid back about it (I wish I could see that perspective..)
Post # 11
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’d just block her feed.
I try not to delete anyone unless I’m completely blocking them… it seems to create more drama every single time.
Post # 12
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper
I had a similar situation, only it ended up blowing up in a much more juvenile way and I have since deleted her, but I wish I has done it sooner. She would post passive aggressive updates which only pissed me off more and if I had deleted her long before it probably would have been better. I think it depends on how much seeing her bothers you as to whether you should delete her or not. My thinking is if you’re not friends, why share any details of your life with her?
Post # 13
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
I said maybe – I’m not really sure what the best course of action. I have a similar friend, we were BEST FRIENDS and super close, but once I started dating my Fiance, we drifted a lot. I don’t know if it is because she was jealous (she’s always super single but constantly looking), or judging me for meeting him online, or if it was because I moved further away, or if we just changed as people, but now I would hardly call her a friend, and don’t plan to invite her to the wedding. Total 180. Yet I haven’t deleted her from my facebook. On the one hand, I should, I don’t see us becoming close friends again. I don’t agree with her on too many things, and she acts in a way I can’t support. But on the other hand – I kind of like keeping up with her, and sometimes feel a little nostalgic about the times we did have back in the day. It’s so weird now that when someone drifts out of your life they aren’t necessarily gone, but just linger in the background.
I agree with @joya_aspera that you should put her on a limited view of your profile if you intend to keep her around. But if seeing her name and picture brings up bad memories and just makes you angry, delete her! If you do somehow reconcile, it isn’t hard to add someone back.
Post # 14
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would delete someone if I wasn’t actually friends with them- otherwise it might just be like bad energy on there, you know? I think it depends if you think you ever might be friends again… but on that note, it doesn’t really matter- FB is just one outlet and does not reflect reality. You can always be friends in RL and not on FB! So… I might delete them if it was causing me stress/ thinking about it/ any bad juju, but not in like a “so there!” kind of way, which it doesn’t sound like that is your reasoning anyhow.
Post # 15
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
I’m just a fan of a clean break when friendships end – amicably or otherwise – so I would probably defriend quietly and just move on with your life.
Post # 16
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
Sounds like you aren’t yet ready to let this friendship go, even though she clearly is.
I vote to de-friend her, since all you are doing is causing yourself undue stress over it.
