Post # 1
I’m not really sure how I am feeling, so I would appreciate how you would take the news.
Me and Fiance got engaged over christmas, announced it to the family day after including his brother and wife.
We have our engagement party 3 weeks later. Day after they announce they are having a baby, but their parents (FIs parents) knew before Christmas and were also keeping it secret.
I should be and will be happy for them, but I just don’t get the secrecy, now I feel like us getting excited over a wedding will pale in comparison and I felt their timing was really off. I think I was angry so many people knew but nobody let on so I felt like a fool to be so excited about the wedding when FIs family are more excited over their first grandchild.
I can just see all interest in our wedding fading to the background now, and while I shouldn’t be jealous, I am.. If only we announced our engagement after they announced the baby, I would not feel like we were tryigoing up against them then..
Boo for horrible feelings..
Post # 3
@spaneshal: I think they were trying to do the opposite. It sounds to me like they were trying to keep it a secret for a few different reasons. The first being that they wanted you to have the spotlight for a bit. How thoughtful of them!
The second reason is probably b/c they’re just coming out of their first trimester. There are so many miscarriages within the first trimester that a lot of couples don’t want to reveal that they’re pregnant in fear of something going wrong.
I say try not to be so harsh on them. I think their timing was very thoughtful and they were trying to let you have the spotlight for a bit…not trying to make you look like a fool.
Post # 4
@spaneshal: i think they were just trying to be sweet and courteous to not tell you so you could have “your moment”. try to think positively 🙂 plus, a wedding and a baby are two different things. who says they can’t be excited for both? 🙂
Post # 5
So thoughtful of them! They wanted you to have your moment.
It’s wonderful that so many exciting things are happening in your family. It’s not a contest – there will be much joy for both events.
Post # 6
I agree in thinking that they were being thoughtful of you. They actually went out of their way to make sure you still had your time in the spotlight…many other people wouldn’t be so kind, trust me.
As far as your wedding falling to the side, just remember that wedding stuff and baby stuff is completely different. You will still shine hun!
Post # 7
Those are some really, super considerate family members of yours. Take it as a blessing that you have family with enough tact to let you have your moment. And be sure to be gracious and give them theirs too 9 months down the road. Your family is going to be full to the brim with joy!
Post # 8
Like PPs said, don’t let petty feelings ruin the happy moments you should be having!!
Post # 9
I think thats why I feel bad, as they were so nice to make sure we had our moment and to be sure the first trimester was ok. I guess it’s my way of dealing with all these sudden changes!
Thanks all, I’m getting used to the idea of being an Aunty for the first time 🙂
Post # 10
It’s not a contest, both are equally exciting events- a marriage and a baby! And luckily your wedding date is after the baby so there’s lots of time between the two.
Post # 11
being an auntie is the best thing is the world! all of the fun – none of the work. lol
Post # 12
My guess is that they were giving you the spotlight. If they held off until after you engagement party, I would certainly think that they were letting you and your Fiance have all the excitment and they were trying to be considerate.
I also agree with PP about most people waiting until after the first trimester. You cannot blame someone for doing that. Every person they share the good news with is also another person they have to share the bad news with if something happens. It’s not personal…its just that that if there is a miscarriage, you do not want to have to relive it over and over again with each person who asks.
However, my best guess is the first thing…they were being very thoughtful. If you would have announced your engagement after they announced their pregnancy, some people would probably accuse you of trying to steal their thunder.
A wedding and a baby are two different adventures. Don’t worry about losing attention.
Post # 13
Although I know it seems like you are being overshadowed right now the excitement will fade a bit and people will put a little more emphasis on you. My Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law had their baby a month after we announced our engagement and we were also a bit ignored. One aunt even said during a vist with the baby, “Oh yeah, congratulations. Sorry baby trumps wedding.” Ugh.
Keep planning away and talking about your details. People will get excited, I promise. 🙂
Post # 14
@spaneshal: I think your reaction is exactly why they kept it a secret. They knew you’d feel “upstaged” by them. It was super considerate of them to keep it quiet while you had 3 weeks to get 100% of the attention. As others have said, this isn’t a contest, people can be excited about both events.