(Closed) FBIL and FSIL are expecting.. kept quiet while we announced our engagement?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@spaneshal:  I think they were trying to do the opposite. It sounds to me like they were trying to keep it a secret for a few different reasons. The first being that they wanted you to have the spotlight for a bit. How thoughtful of them!

The second reason is probably b/c they’re just coming out of their first trimester. There are so many miscarriages within the first trimester that a lot of couples don’t want to reveal that they’re pregnant in fear of something going wrong.

I say try not to be so harsh on them. I think their timing was very thoughtful and they were trying to let you have the spotlight for a bit…not trying to make you look like a fool.

Post # 4
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@spaneshal:  i think they were just trying to be sweet and courteous to not tell you so you could have “your moment”. try to think positively ๐Ÿ™‚ plus, a wedding and a baby are two different things. who says they can’t be excited for both? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

So thoughtful of them!  They wanted you to have your moment.

It’s wonderful that so many exciting things are happening in your family.  It’s not a contest – there will be much joy for both events.   

Post # 6
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree in thinking that they were being thoughtful of you. They actually went out of their way to make sure you still had your time in the spotlight…many other people wouldn’t be so kind, trust me.

As far as your wedding falling to the side, just remember that wedding stuff and baby stuff is completely different. You will still shine hun!

Post # 7
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Those are some really, super considerate family members of yours. Take it as a blessing that you have family with enough tact to let you have your moment. And be sure to be gracious and give them theirs too 9 months down the road. Your family is going to be full to the brim with joy!

Post # 8
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Like PPs said, don’t let petty feelings ruin the happy moments you should be having!!

Post # 10
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It’s not a contest, both are equally exciting events- a marriage and a baby! And luckily your wedding date is after the baby so there’s lots of time between the two.

Post # 11
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

being an auntie is the best thing is the world!  all of the fun – none of the work.  lol 

Post # 12
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My guess is that they were giving you the spotlight. If they held off until after you engagement party, I would certainly think that they were letting you and your Fiance have all the excitment and they were trying to be considerate.

I also agree with PP about most people waiting until after the first trimester. You cannot blame someone for doing that. Every person they share the good news with is also another person they have to share the bad news with if something happens. It’s not personal…its just that that if there is a miscarriage, you do not want to have to relive it over and over again with each person who asks.

However, my best guess is the first thing…they were being very thoughtful. If you would have announced your engagement after they announced their pregnancy, some people would probably accuse you of trying to steal their thunder.

A wedding and a baby are two different adventures. Don’t worry about losing attention.

Post # 13
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@PinkMagnolia:  Agreed.

Although I know it seems like you are being overshadowed right now the excitement will fade a bit and people will put a little more emphasis on you. My Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law had their baby a month after we announced our engagement and we were also a bit ignored. One aunt even said during a vist with the baby, “Oh yeah, congratulations. Sorry baby trumps wedding.” Ugh.

Keep planning away and talking about your details. People will get excited, I promise. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@spaneshal:  I think your reaction is exactly why they kept it a secret.  They knew you’d feel “upstaged” by them.  It was super considerate of them to keep it quiet while you had 3 weeks to get 100% of the attention.  As others have said, this isn’t a contest, people can be excited about both events.

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