FBIL doesn't get No Kids

posted 3 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Nope. I had people plan to bring their kids and I had to let them know it was adult only. Put it on my website too. It doesn’t pay to be subtle when it comes to the no kid issue.

Post # 3
760 posts
Busy bee

cinderelly99 :  Have you or your FI actually said to him that he can not being his daughter? 

Because that would be my next step at this point. Have your FI call him today and tell him point blank that you are so glad him and his GF (who you need to invite) can make it but that unfortunately you can not accommodate little Susie.

Post # 4
5777 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Just call your BIL and say “Kid isn’t invited. Just you (and maybe SO)”

Post # 5
2302 posts
Buzzing bee

cinderelly99 :  I was tacky and I wrote “Adult reception to follow” and we STILL had issues with my FBIL.  He tried this horrible power struggle and then not his mom involved too. In the end after numerous times of being told NO! they finally got it and left the kid home. They were at the reception till after dinner then jetted..which was fine. 

Contiune to have your finacee tell him no. Maybe he thinks you are being a pushover. Just stand your ground. It worked for us. 

Post # 6
619 posts
Busy bee

cinderelly99 :  This irritates the crap out of me. No one is entitled to an invitation to your wedding, and definitely not to ignore the guidelines of the event just because they want to.

I don’t think it’s tacky to be explicit on the invitations. I think it’s critical. On my STD cards I said “Please note this event will include adults only.”

I’d say unless you didn’t tell him he could have a plus 1 it’s probably too late to exclude the SO. However, if you make it clear the kiddo can’t come, maybe she’ll stay home too?

That being said, I would have FI call him again. Maybe recruit his mom to get involved if you think she’ll be on your side, too.

Good luck! This is such a touchy subject. What a pain!

Post # 7
502 posts
Busy bee

Date twins! I’m getting married on 8/19 too! We also are having an adult only wedding. Your FI needs to talk to him directly. I agree with the PP that no one is entitled to an invitation… People can be so rude. It isn’t a hard concept. I would spell it out for him if need be. You have to be firm and direct.

Post # 8
3014 posts
Sugar bee

I would let him bring his SO but be firm about the no-kids policy. 

Post # 9
9431 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

cant your FI call his brother??!

Post # 10
3684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

We’ve learned that subtlety is not the way to go in this situation. Personally, I’m over trying to be nice or accommodate people hell bent on disrespecting our clearly stated wishes. Save the dates were addressed to specific names, its listed on our website and tacky or not I wish I’d put 18+ Event on the invites bc people are getting on my last nerve. 😤 So far someones tried to tell us their kids ‘don’t eat much’, someones tried to add their 10 yr old son as a +1/date (weird) and yesterday a family member thought they were slick telling my mother the family of six (four frickin kids!) was coming ‘just for the ceremony’. Driving 45 min just for a 12.5 min ceremony? I call bs. No, no and no. Your FBIL gets it bc this isn’t a hard concept to grasp, he wants to bully you into making an exception. Invite his SO but flat out tell him that your event is adults only and the kid isn’t invited.

Post # 11
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

cinderelly99 :  I wrote “adult ceremony and reception” on our invite. And then I wrote the names of the people who were invited on the envelope. I think it’s better to be blunt than to be wishy washy.

Out of curiousity, why don’t you want your soon to be neice at the wedding? I feel like she would qualifty even though you two are having a no kid wedding.

Is it too late to invite your almost brother in laws SO? I feel like she should be on there, even if you don’t like her. I had to do that…I was a bit worried about drama, but the girl didn’t end up showing anyway.

Post # 12
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

He is in the wrong for trying to add extra guests to his invitation but a point of clarification: your wedding isn’t no kids. Your wedding is no kids except the girl who you chose to be a flower girl and that will be crystal clear to the guests whose children were not invited. 

Post # 13
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s not tacky to write ”No Kids” on the invitation, it’s incredibly useful for your guests!! I just recently received an invitation to a wedding addressed to myself and DH, not our son. I had no idea what to do – whether to ask my friend if kids were invited, or whether to RSVP for myself and DH and assume our son wasn’t invited, or whether to RSVP for all three of us and assume that if my son isn’t invited she’ll get back to me and say ”it’s no kids”. One of my friends was also invited to this wedding and also received an invite only addressed to herself and her husband and called me to ask me what I was doing – neither of us were sure if it was acceptable to ring her and ask if our kids were invited or if that would seem pushy. In the end we both decided to RSVP for all three of us and just assume our kids were invited, and it seems that was the right decision, cos she wrote back ”Awesome, can’t wait to see you all.” She’s since been telling people that there’s a kids playground on-site so our kids shouldn’t be bored. But I have no idea if my kid will be getting a meal or not, seeing as he wasn’t included on the invite. It’s confusing.. and again, I don’t want to ring her and ask if he gets a meal cos I feel like that’s the equivalent to saying ”You need to feed him’.. and honestly I’m not bothered either way, I just wish I had the info.

So the fact is, when people only write ”Bob and Sue Jones” on an invite and not ”Little Tommy and little Johnny Jones” they often actually do mean to invite the whole family and just don’t write the kids names on the envelope for some reason.

What I’m trying to say is, if your event is ”No Kids”, please write it on the invite and make it clear. Otherwise it’s just difficult to know how to ask if your kid can come without making it seem like you’re demanding an invite for your kid.

Post # 14
3031 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Exactly what MrsBuesleBee said. Your FI needs to call his brother.

At this point, trying to put cards and things in rather than speaking directly is ridiculous. Have your FI call his brother and say “Hey, man. Just to be clear. Your baby isn’t invited to the wedding. Don’t bring her or RSVP for her anymore. See you there.”

Post # 15
1496 posts
Bumble bee

Pet peeve: Saying youre having a “no kids” wedding WITH KIDS. ARGH. Its not no kids/adults only/18+/etc.

You should have also extended the invite to his SO, but thats probably another issue…

Your FI has to call his brother and SAY “Hey brother, the invite is only for YOU (and/or SO). We cannot accomodate child (and/or SO). Please let me know by friday if you’ll be able to make it, if I dont hear from you I’ll assume its a no and we can catch up after the wedding.”

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