Post # 1
My FI’s brother is moving in with us… he’s a good kid but needs to grow up a bit, any advice for how to make this go as smoothly as possible? He can be lazy and unmotivated and tends to be messy at his parents place (I’m a neat freak). We get along great and I already think of him as a brother, I just don’t want this it ruin/hurt our relationship if we clash. This will be his first time moving out and this will also be my first time having a roommate (other than my Fiance who doesnt really count to me)… guess I’m basically asking for roommate tips.
…Fiance is in the military, his hours vary and sometimes he’ll leave for training for a couple days with almost no notice. Because of this the usual “let your Fiance deal with his brother” won’t really work here.
Post # 2
SimpleCountryLife: Lay everything out right away. Be stern and let him no you have no time for excuses or BS. If you have a problem with something, address it right away.
My bestfriend and her SO lived with my Fiance and I for awhile while they were house hunting. She wasn’t very clean, or respecful. I held it in, but lost it when they moved out and saw how they left my basement. That probably wouldn’t have happened if I was open about how they did things from the beginning.
Post # 3
I agree. Set the ground rules from the start and explain your expectations. Obviously he probably won’t become as much of a neat freak as you but as long he knows you won’t be cleaning up after him. Giving him a set chore(s) to do along with cleaning up after himself will give him a sense of responsibility and help him learn about helping others and doing his bit. Make sure your Fiance is on board.
Remember, you don’t need to be his mother. Treat him like an adult and hopefully he will behave like one.
If you don’t mind me asking….how old is he? Does he have a job and is this a permanent/long term moving in with you?
Post # 4
Thanks guys! I think we’ll sit down before hand and talk about some stuff. Fiance knows how important it is to me to have a clean house so he’s on board.
FromA2B2013: He just turned 20 and has a good full time job, he’s moving in long term but he’s a little unpredictable so he might randomly move out with friends if the opportunity comes up. Otherwise he’ll probably be with us until we buy a house (next summer)
Post # 5
SimpleCountryLife: well the fact he has a job is something…I was picturing him slobbing around your house all day.
Post # 6
SimpleCountryLife: It’s best to get EVERYTHING in writing. Create your own “lease” so to speak and have him sign it. Have his rent amount (if any), conditions, expectations etc. If anything were to happen you’ll be happy you have it all there- also, if he IS paying rent and you guys really don’t need all of it- put some of it into a savings account for him as a surprise for something he’s working towards…(down payment for a car, deposit for his own place etc.)
Post # 7
My ex-BIL moved in and he was a bit of a hoarder in his room and bathroom, odd sleep schedule (up all night, sleep by day) so he played videogames at night. However, he was a wonderful guy and he often times watched my terrible reality tv to keep me company while ex-DH was out for work. He literally was like a brother to me and he never crossed any boundaries.
I did have a talk with him when it came to keeping coomon areas cleaned. I had no problems after we talked about it. He never went into our room without asking for permission or telling us what he neededd (sometimes his laptop would not work etc). He never brought a girl home or had parties. He felt like it was rude since he was moving in with us free of charge.
I think talking to your Fiance about the living arrangements and what makes you uncomfortable is a good start. Then make sure you talk to your BIL as well. A lot of sticky situations can be avoided that way.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Definitely get a signed agreement (all I can think of is the Roommate Agreement that Sheldon and Leonard have on the Big Bang Theory!) so that everyone knows what the expectations are. That way if there’s an issue you have something to refer back to.