(Closed) FBIL moving in…advice?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


SimpleCountryLife:  Lay everything out right away. Be stern and let him no you have no time for excuses or BS. If you have a problem with something, address it right away.

My bestfriend and her SO lived with my Fiance and I for awhile while they were house hunting. She wasn’t very clean, or respecful. I held it in, but lost it when they moved out and saw how they left my basement. That probably wouldn’t have happened if I was open about how they did things from the beginning.

Post # 3
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree. Set the ground rules from the start and explain your expectations. Obviously he probably won’t become as much of a neat freak as you but as long he knows you won’t be cleaning up after him. Giving him a set chore(s) to do along with cleaning up after himself will give him a sense of responsibility and help him learn about helping others and doing his bit. Make sure your Fiance is on board. 

Remember, you don’t need to be his mother. Treat him like an adult and hopefully he will behave like one.

If you don’t mind me asking….how old is he? Does he have a job and is this a permanent/long term moving in with you?

Post # 5
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

SimpleCountryLife:  well the fact he has a job is something…I was picturing him slobbing around your house all day. 

Post # 6
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

SimpleCountryLife:  It’s best to get EVERYTHING in writing. Create your own “lease” so to speak and have him sign it. Have his rent amount (if any), conditions, expectations etc. If anything were to happen you’ll be happy you have it all there- also, if he IS paying rent and you guys really don’t need all of it- put some of it into a savings account for him as a surprise for something he’s working towards…(down payment for a car, deposit for his own place etc.) 

Post # 7
768 posts
Busy bee

My ex-BIL moved in and he was a bit of a hoarder in his room and bathroom, odd sleep schedule (up all night, sleep by day) so he played videogames at night. However, he was a wonderful guy and he often times watched my terrible reality tv to keep me company while ex-DH was out for work. He literally was like a brother to me and he never crossed any boundaries. 

I did have a talk with him when it came to keeping coomon areas cleaned. I had no problems after we talked about it. He never went into our room without asking for permission or telling us what he neededd (sometimes his laptop would not work etc). He never brought a girl home or had parties. He felt like it was rude since he was moving in with us free of charge. 

I think talking to your Fiance about the living arrangements and what makes you uncomfortable is a good start. Then make sure you talk to your Brother-In-Law as well. A lot of sticky situations can be avoided that way. 

Post # 8
2634 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Definitely get a signed agreement (all I can think of is the Roommate Agreement that Sheldon and Leonard have on the Big Bang Theory!) so that everyone knows what the expectations are.  That way if there’s an issue you have something to refer back to.

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