Post # 1
My fiance and I became engaged within a month of his brother and fiance. My fiance and I set our wedding date immediately as I wanted a June wedding. We booked our honeymoon within a few weeks as well. My parents are gifting us a one week stay using their timeshare points so we could choose anywhere we wanted to go. The timeshare place only does Saturday-Saturday reservations so we had to book two weeks after our actual wedding as we couldn’t go right after our wedding or we’d lose a day (not go until Sunday). Wedding is on 6/9 and honeymoon starts on 6/23.
Fiance’s brother and his fiance didn’t seem to worried about setting dates, planning, etc. and we had only heard the wedding would be sometime in April. Last week my fiance gets an email from his brothers best man about planning the bachelor party and that it would be in May-obviously the wedding is not in April if the bachelor party is in May. I told my fiance he had to text his brother asap to find out when the wedding actually is. He reponds it is on 6/30-the last day of our honeymoon. The brother and his fiance just randomly switched their sometime in April wedding to June and didn’t bother to tell anyone.
I’m appalled they set the date without a courtney notice to us of “hey, we’re thinking of doing our wedding in June, I know you’re getting married then too, will you be back from your honeymoon?”. I don’t think that’s asking too much. I certainly would have checked if it was the other way around. When we set our date we let everyone know what we were thinking to make sure there weren’t any conflicts with the date.
Our honeymoon is a once in a lifetime trip that is out of the country. We were going to fly in late that Saturday at 11:30 PM. We’ve checked and found one flight which would get us into town at 5 PM so we’d have a chance of making it to the reception. The brothers entire wedding is weird and we know no details, but the ceremony is on Friday so we’d still miss the actual wedding itself. The flight at 5 PM is almost double the cost of the other flights-it’s $2800 and the other one is $1500. We can’t afford that additional cost. I told my fiance if his family wants us there for the reception, they can pay the additional cost.
Somehow this entire issue has fallen on us to deal with when we didn’t do anything wrong. The brother is the one who set the date and didn’t bother telling anyone! He then texts my fiance yesterday asking us to cut our honeymoon short by a day and fly back that Friday. I think it’s ridiculous to ask us that. This is our honeymoon in a foreign country. Also, our trip is a gift from my parents-if we cut it short there’s no refund on the points used for our trip so it’s kind of like we’re throwing away money. I’ve checked and we’re locked in and cannot change our honeymoon dates. But now either we cut our trip short to come back for the reception part of the wedding or we look like jerks and don’t cut our trip short. What are your thoughts/opions?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t change my plans. If they really wanted you there then they should have asked you beforehand when you would be gone for your honeymoon in order to coordinate their wedding date.
Post # 4
@alphagam84: you know what? I think they are in the wrong. Why would you change your wedding date *ESPECIALLY* when you know that another sibling is getting married in that same time frame, and not tell your family! That seems so bizarre – especially if your parents are gifting you the points – did they know what days you were going? Because it just seems like a major lack of communication.
I think you are right to tell them if they want you there, they pay the extra cost for the flight change fees and extra cost for the flight time. That is very rude on their part. And to TEXT you to tell YOU two to change YOUR honeymoon because they changed their date and didn’t bother to check with anyone? Wow.
Post # 5
They are under no obligation to plan their wedding around your honeymoon schedule. Just as you’re under no obligation to change what is an essentially unchangeable trip. If they insist on that wedding date then they just need to accept that you guys won’t be there, as much as it sucks.
Post # 6
Send your regrets. Explain that you booked your honeymoon off of the dates that they had given you previously (April) and that the entire trip is nonrefundable, or will cost you thousands more to change. Send a nice wedding present, and leave it at that. They messed up, and you shouldn’t get screwed out of your honeymoon for it.
Post # 7
Aw, sorry you are being put in this situation! Isn’t it strange they planned their wedding right after yours anyway? brothers getting married in the same month seems funny!
I’d just stick withy our plans, you might regret it if you dont!
Post # 8
^^ What they said!
That sucks, I think they were really inconsiderate. And TBH, I’m not sure what I would do in your shoes. BUT if you decide to not attend, make sure you’re standing united on it… it will make the fallout (if any) much easier to deal with.
Post # 9
Is your FI’s brother competitive with your Fiance or do they not have a great relationship? The whole thing seems very odd and adds a lot of unnecessary stress for the family. And definitely be united on your choice (personally I wouldn’t change my plans), like a PP said, it will make the fallout easier to handle.
Post # 10
@BrightGreen: This. I’d stand your ground. Weddings don’t mean nearly as much as it does to the bride and groom. They shouldn’t have to change their plans if that is their choice….but you shouldn’t skip out on your own wedding experience either.
Post # 11
They should of talke with you first… If they really cared they would of.
My Fiance cousin is getting Married around the time frame as us… We found this out the other day when talking. Because we already booked the venue, they are now trying to plan with what we already have sched…
Simply respond you regret that you can’t make it.
Post # 12
I normally roll my eyes at the “such and such is getting married so close to me” posts but I think your Future Brother-In-Law & his fiancée are totally in the wrong here. They had plans to marry in April and then just up and changed their minds without so much as discussing it with anyone. I know it’s ultimately the couples decision but I think it’s only appropriate to run the date past your immediate family to assure there are no complications. Your Honeymoon was booked (and paid for) long before they decided to change their date. If Future Brother-In-Law & his lady cared enough about you guys, they wouldn’t have booked their wedding for when they knew you wouldn’t be here. The fact that they’d even have the audacity to suggest that you cut your Honeymoon short to attend their ill planned nuptials is beyond me. If I were you, I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t cut your trip short and I wouldn’t shell out more money just to get home in time. If they want you there bad enough, they can pay for it. There are 49 other weekends (besides your wedding and the time you’ll be away for your HM) to choose from. Your Honeymoon is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime thing. I bet they’d be pissed if they were asked to cut theirs short.
FWIW, I also think it’s crappy for siblings to plan their weddings within weeks of each other if it can be avoided. Beyond the whole “stolen thunder” thing, it makes it extra difficult on the parents if they’re contributing (and even if they’re not) and on the mutual guests who will have to shell out for 2 weddings in 1 month.
Post # 13
Okay, I’d think about it a different way. In 10 years, which might you regret – having a 7 day honeymoon and missing FI’s brother’s wedding or having a shorter 5 day honeymoon and celebrating FI’s brother’s wedding?
It’s an unfortunate situation, but his wedding won’t happen again. While your honeymoon won’t happen again either, you have every day for the rest of your life to spend with your Fiance and many more romantic trips you can take.
Post # 14
WTH…you think he would have discussed this with his brother?
They will need to have a discussion about this. It seems like a petty attack of some kind.
I wouldn’t change my plans though. Wouldn’t it cost you additonal money to try and make it back?
Post # 15
It is very wierd that they didn’t check with you before confirming the date!
Post # 16
I honestly think this one should be up to your Fiance. Yes it was not a cool thing to do on their part, ut if he wants to cut the trip short by one day, then I would support him and do it.