(Closed) FBIL set his wedding date while we’ll be on our honeymoon

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t change my plans. If they really wanted you there then they should have asked you beforehand when you would be gone for your honeymoon in order to coordinate their wedding date. 

Post # 4
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@alphagam84: you know what? I think they are in the wrong. Why would you change your wedding date *ESPECIALLY* when you know that another sibling is getting married in that same time frame, and not tell your family! That seems so bizarre – especially if your parents are gifting you the points – did they know what days you were going? Because it just seems like a major lack of communication.

I think you are right to tell them if they want you there, they pay the extra cost for the flight change fees and extra cost for the flight time. That is very rude on their part. And to TEXT you to tell YOU two to change YOUR honeymoon because they changed their date and didn’t bother to check with anyone? Wow.

Post # 5
611 posts
Busy bee

They are under no obligation to plan their wedding around your honeymoon schedule. Just as you’re under no obligation to change what is an essentially unchangeable trip. If they insist on that wedding date then they just need to accept that you guys won’t be there, as much as it sucks.

Post # 6
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Send your regrets.  Explain that you booked your honeymoon off of the dates that they had given you previously (April) and that the entire trip is nonrefundable, or will cost you thousands more to change.  Send a nice wedding present, and leave it at that.  They messed up, and you shouldn’t get screwed out of your honeymoon for it.

Post # 7
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Aw, sorry you are being put in this situation! Isn’t it strange they planned their wedding right after yours anyway? brothers getting married in the same month seems funny!

I’d just stick withy our plans, you might regret it if you dont!

Post # 8
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Ms. Martian:


^^ What they said!


That sucks, I think they were really inconsiderate. And TBH, I’m not sure what I would do in your shoes. BUT if you decide to not attend, make sure you’re standing united on it… it will make the fallout (if any) much easier to deal with.

Post # 9
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Is your FI’s brother competitive with your Fiance or do they not have a great relationship? The whole thing seems very odd and adds a lot of unnecessary stress for the family.  And definitely be united on your choice (personally I wouldn’t change my plans), like a PP said, it will make the fallout easier to handle.

Post # 10
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@BrightGreen: This. I’d stand your ground. Weddings don’t mean nearly as much as it does to the bride and groom. They shouldn’t have to change their plans if that is their choice….but you shouldn’t skip out on your own wedding experience either. 

Post # 11
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 They should of talke with you first… If they really cared they would of.

My Fiance cousin is getting Married around the time frame as us… We found this out the other day when talking. Because we already booked the venue, they are now trying to plan with what we already have sched…

Simply respond you regret that you can’t make it.

Post # 12
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I normally roll my eyes at the “such and such is getting married so close to me” posts but I think your Future Brother-In-Law & his fiancée are totally in the wrong here. They had plans to marry in April and then just up and changed their minds without so much as discussing it with anyone. I know it’s ultimately the couples decision but I think it’s only appropriate to run the date past your immediate family to assure there are no complications. Your Honeymoon was booked (and paid for) long before they decided to change their date. If Future Brother-In-Law & his lady cared enough about you guys, they wouldn’t have booked their wedding for when they knew you wouldn’t be here. The fact that they’d even have the audacity to suggest that you cut your Honeymoon short to attend their ill planned nuptials is beyond me. If I were you, I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t cut your trip short and I wouldn’t shell out more money just to get home in time. If they want you there bad enough, they can pay for it. There are 49 other weekends (besides your wedding and the time you’ll be away for your HM) to choose from. Your Honeymoon is (hopefully) a once in a lifetime thing. I bet they’d be pissed if they were asked to cut theirs short.

FWIW, I also think it’s crappy for siblings to plan their weddings within weeks of each other if it can be avoided. Beyond the whole “stolen thunder” thing, it makes it extra difficult on the parents if they’re contributing (and even if they’re not) and on the mutual guests who will have to shell out for 2 weddings in 1 month. 

Post # 13
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Okay, I’d think about it a different way. In 10 years, which might you regret – having a 7 day honeymoon and missing FI’s brother’s wedding or having a shorter 5 day honeymoon and celebrating FI’s brother’s wedding?

It’s an unfortunate situation, but his wedding won’t happen again. While your honeymoon won’t happen again either, you have every day for the rest of your life to spend with your Fiance and many more romantic trips you can take. 


Post # 14
1013 posts
Bumble bee

WTH…you think he would have discussed this with his brother?

They will need to have a discussion about this. It seems like a petty attack of some kind. 

I wouldn’t change my plans though.  Wouldn’t it cost you additonal money to try and make it back?

Post # 15
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@abbie017: yes!  

It is very wierd that they didn’t check with you before confirming the date!  

Post # 16
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I honestly think this one should be up to your Fiance. Yes it was not a cool thing to do on their part, ut if he wants to cut the trip short by one day, then I would support him and do it.

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