(Closed) FBIL wants to propose to GF at Christmas

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 197
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@rickhurst35:  +1…i found out after DH proposed to me that his SIL (now my SIL) dictated to him when he could and could not propose, and it has really tained our relationship. she just looked so selfish and competitive, it made me really sad. :/

Post # 198
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@flapperphilosopher:  read your updates. this is my face. 0.o

so glad he is paying for the extra guests, maybe they will be extra hands in the kitchen. 🙂 as for champagne, what a ding dong.

Post # 199
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How old is this guy?

Post # 201
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You’re being a trooper and a gracious host, OP. Glad he apologized, and glad you’re not supplying the bubbly (I agree with TwoStatesBride- “what a ding dong.”)

Sorry you’ve gotten flamed- hope the holidays go smoothly for you.

 

Post # 202
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  Don’t take anything too personally, no one really knows you or anyone you’ve described and sometimes people read things online in a different manner than you meant them. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and this headache manages to become a cherished family memory.

Post # 203
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You’re a much better person than I.  I would’ve been soooo pissed at him inviting extra people.  Also, planning to propose before dinner?  That makes the WHOLE evening about him and his new fiance!  What about your family?  They may be left feeling uncomfortable around these folks they don’t know and THEIR exciting time, rather than fondly reminiscing about all the great times you’ve had with your grandmother.  You’ve been gracious enough.  I would stand firm on him not proposing until after the dinner and for her family to come then, along the lines of what TTR said.

Post # 204
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He needs to grow up and take some responsibility for your actions. He tells you that he didn’t realize the importance of this holiday after your grandmother’s death….and then he invites his (maybe) soon-to-be in-laws to your family’s Christmas without even asking you. He sounds like a clueless, selfish asshole. I’d have your husband call up your Mother-In-Law and tell her that she’s apparently expected to cover her son’s costs and see if the three of you together can knock some sense into him.

ETA that I totally agree with the above poster on this part, “What about your family?  They may be left feeling uncomfortable around these folks they don’t know and THEIR exciting time, rather than fondly reminiscing about all the great times you’ve had with your grandmother.” I feel badly for your family who is going through the first Christmas without a loved one and is having their holiday steamrolled by your clueless brother-in-law bringing in six additional people who are unknown to them.

 

 

 

Post # 205
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

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@flapperphilosopher:  What kind of guy makes complex proposal plans that inconvenience others without clueing them in?  And what kind of guy has his mother essentially pay for those complex proposal plans (champagne, rentals, etc)?  Is this guy 12???   I’m sorry, but you are justified in being upset OP.  More power to you for being the bigger person.

 

Post # 206
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

Post # 207
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@flapperphilosopher:  Glad to hear everything got worked out, and kudos to you on the champagn comment. I was all like:

Post # 208
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  You are a much better person than I am, because I would either tell him hell no to bringing 6 other people or at the very least tell him he can bring his own kosher meats. I think people on this thread have been unnecessarily rude to you, And I am sorry for that. Hosting 12 people is stressful, costly, and time consuming, and now you are hosting 18!  Your leech of as Brother-In-Law using your hard work and money to propose is plain out RUDE! 

Post # 209
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Thanks for the UPDATES

Glad to hear that YOU are less stressed now, and have a plan.

Your Future Brother-In-Law was most certainly a d!ck on how he went about doing this…

IF he had it all worked out in his head beforehand… then he should have come clean with you upfront.

In the light of it all… YOU HANDLED IT WELL.

This Etiquette Snob… lol GIVES YOU TOP MARKS (and you pretty much kept your cool thru the whole thing… BONUS POINTS for that)

And…

I LOVED the whole way you handled the Rental / Expenses element with him… NO EXCUSES someone other than YOU will be paying to cover his Proposal Plan

And the “Champagne Comment”… PRICELESS !!

— — —

And on a personal note… I hope that your Christmas Dinner is fabulous… and not too stressful day of.  And that everything comes off without a hitch as far as Hosting.  You are gonna make your Gramma / Family proud !!

 

Post # 210
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@flapperphilosopher: No good deed goes unpunished, eh? 😉

As a fellow spreadsheet-enthusiast with a tiny kitchen, I 100% understand where you’re coming from on the organization/stress side. After many years of hosting large dinners and parties, I can assure you that, no matter what happens, as you said, it matters only that you tried and that people will remember your warmth and graciousness as their host (not luke-warm potatoes).

You are doing the right thing by being a very gracious host (although I wouldn’t have agreed to the extra guests) and no matter what happens, you won’t regret that. Future Brother-In-Law is kind of an asshat for putting you in such an awkward position with the extra invites, but you will make the best out of it. 

Reminds me of a line from National Lamppon’s Christmas Vacation: “What can I say, except that it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”

Best of luck, OP, and do as much prep in the days before as you possibly can!

Post # 211
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Jeeze what a mess. I’d be tempted to order pizzas and call it a day, or hop a flight. Good luck! 

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