(Closed) FBIL wants to propose to GF at Christmas

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 212
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@flapperphilosopher:  I think you’re handling all this craziness and stress well.  My grandmother was the one who did Christmas and if your grandmother was anything like mine I’m sure she’d be very proud.  I was very close to her, and she appeared unflappable… the more the merrier, tons of food, etc… but I’d seen her scramble around and work all day/week cooking and cleaning.  To others she pulled it all off with little effort… but they just didn’t know how much she did to make it happen, how much she put up with/dealt with/let go.

Kuddos to you for trying to honor her memory and for trying to take her place in making the day special for your family and extras.

Sadly my older relatives passed, my parents moved almost 1k miles away, and things were never the same.  Even my cousins who lived there never took up her mantel, and I sometimes wish they did, the family splintered after my grandmothers death… she was the glue holding it together.  I tried to keep in close touch but from a thousand miles away I couldn’t do much with/for the extened family. 

I hope you have the same effect on your family your grandmother did, and it looks like you are well on your way.  Being kind, taking the high road, standing your ground where needed.  To me it looks like you’re the glue to hold people together … and the wooden spoon when they need it most!  Good luck and I hope everything works out well on Christmas!  Just know how much people will look back if nothing else, that you wanted family close and fed, and everyone welcome.  Those times are priceless and stay with people a long time.  I know it’s stressful, but I think you’re doing wonderfully, especially for your first holiday family event.

Post # 213
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

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@flapperphilosopher:  I don’t see the big deal.  Seems you are overthinking it.  I am sure he won’t blurt out “Will you marry me?” as soon as he walks through the door.  I think this is the type of thing people wait until dinner or after to say.  Also, even if he does it before… I just don’t think people will stop helping you and leave you to do everything youself.  Not unless they are rude.

Post # 215
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Will there be champagne?  Good Lord…

Yes, if you bring some.  Perfect answer OP!!

Post # 216
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@flapperphilosopher: +1 to most everyone here. You’re flipping out for no reason. My now husband proposed to me at my sister’s new house last year. She had just moved in 3 months prior and we were hosting a Christmas party with all of our closest friends (~30 people). It went beautifully and I was completely surprised. You and your SO should be thrilled and honored he’s asked you to do it at you’d house.

 

Post # 217
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  I am so sorry OP!! Honestly, I was on your side from the beginning! Thereis no good reason your Future Brother-In-Law should propose at your house.  He’s so excited about his great idea?! Oh he thinks something in every Christmas movie and commercial is a creative exciting idea?  I would never want a proposal in front of family at christmas (soo overdone/ minimal effort/ too public/ cheesy for me personally) but I get why some people may like it- cool. BUT- proposing in front of the groom-to-be’s family?! Every family Christmas proposal I have EVER heard of is in front of the bride-to-be’s family. Maybe is super close to her bf’s family, but even still I am willing to bet she rather have her family there.  And that’s SO much extra pressure to say yes, even if she doesn’t want to! So I think its a stupid idea from the start. why have her family there after he does it? I am sure they would like to be there. If he wants them there as a surprise, he can take her to a place for dessert and surprise her family is there! 

Inviting 6 more people to a Christmas dinner is a total douche bag move!!!! Under any circumstances- period!  Inviting 6 people to someone else’s dinner is a dick move, and onviting 6 people to a christmas dinner someone else is hosting is unbelievably rude. You have every right to host a Christmas dinner with your family without unwanted guests.  and it needs to be kosher?! Are you effing kidding me?! he needs a come to jesus talk! You are a much nicer person than I am because I wouldn’t be able to do it.  I think you have handled everything with class and grace.  And you are still standing up for yourself- if he wants champagne, HE needs to bring champagne!! He is the one proposing and maybe it is because he is a man, or kinda young, but he is shoving the work and responsibility of his proposal onto you!  He is piggy backing on your hard work for your family Christmas event and turning it into an engagement party for him! Can you believe if his girlfriend ever found out about how this was sprung on you? She would be so embarrassed her man was so thoughtless, lazy, inconsiderate, and shoving a burden onto you.  I am so sorry for all the extra work and you have a heart of gold.  You basically have to throw away your vision of your first hosted Christmas dinner for your FBIL’s vision for his engagement.  Sorry this is long, but I am livid on your behalf. *HUGS*

Post # 218
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@Burtongirl:  your situation is a little different. He proposed to you at your sister’s place in front of your family and friends. The original request was that OP’s Future Brother-In-Law wants to propose to his gf at OP’s house in front of OP’s family (and FBIL’s parents I think). It would be different if the Girlfriend in question were OP’s sister, or OP’s Future Sister-In-Law. But the request was not a case of planning a thoughtful proposal in front of the GF’s family and friends. However, Future Brother-In-Law is now trying to make it that way by inviting his GF’s family to the OP’s house as well. OP now has to arrange a kosher meal for 6 additional people. These people were asked by Future Brother-In-Law before he even got permission. The Future Brother-In-Law really should have planned this at his GF’s home, not at OP’s home. The Girlfriend and her family really have no connection to OP and her family. It’s a little bizarre. Your proposal sounds lovely, btw!

OP I’m sorry you’re stuck with the extra people, but it sounds like you handled it well. And I’m glad you’re putting your foot down and insisting that Future Brother-In-Law cover the expenses of the extra people (and the champagne! so weird!).

Post # 219
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@pineapplez17:  oh I see. Yah I didn’t catch all that since I didn’t read a lot of the posts in between. That is different….and a bit odd. As if Future Brother-In-Law is hiring an event planner, but not paying her and hijacking her Christmas. Sorry! Christmas is kind of the best day ever for me (and not cuz of my proposal. But because it’s Chrisrmas!!). Good luck to OP!

Post # 220
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@flapperphilosopher:  just read threw your thread. How did your Christmas gathering turn out band how was the proposal?

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