(Closed) FBIL wants to propose to GF at Christmas

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 17
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i feel like it was nice of him to ask you in the first place b/c he could’ve just done it. regardless, i would just let them. what reason are you going to have for him if you say no??

Post # 18
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with PP, I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want him to do it there. Is there something we’re missing? 

My husband proposed at a Christmas party for his side of the family, and yes at another home. They had all known about it and helped plan it out, and afterwards we celebrated, it was fun.

Post # 19
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I guess I dont really see the big issue with him doing it at your home. He likely wants family included, and possibly some people to capture the surprise moment on camera– which few couples have the pleasure of doing in a private moment. (I’m so thankful I have photos during the whole proposal!)

Now, if he were going to sneek off and propose in another room while everyone is at your house, that’d be weird and I’d see your point.

I’d just be excited for the moment– perhapds his Girlfriend is expecing a christmas proposal and the morning would be less surprising, where as doing it in the afternoon at a gathering would make it more unexpected?

Post # 21
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Also, perhaps it’s always been a desire of hers to be proposed to in front of family, and he’s fulfilling her wishes. I think we would all hate to find out that our FI’s family members put a stop to the original proposal plans.

Post # 22
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@flapperphilosopher:  he asked permission to be polite, i assume.  have your Fiance tell his brother that you were ok with it but he isn’t, if the issue is that you don’t want to seem like the one that said no.

Post # 23
Member
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you’re being a little selfish on this one. I’m sure he wants to do it in front of all the family and this is the opportunity to do it. I doubt the engagement is going to overshadow how much time and effort you’ve put into the party.

Post # 24
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you are of the opinion that the brother is being selfish in wanting to ask at your house. I disagree. It isn’t going to ruin your party. If anything, it will make it memorable! I think that the brother is being nice in asking you ahead of time, maybe he already had a feeling you and Fiance would be unhappy about it. He could have just thrown the proposal in there as a surprise.

Post # 25
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@flapperphilosopher:  I think having a proposal on your first hosted Christmas would be beautiful. You’d be celebrating the creation of a new family and an addition to yours.

Post # 26
Member
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

View original reply
@flapperphilosopher:  If you are both against it, why does it matter who takes the blame? just say, “after talking it over with flapperphilosopher, we aren’t really comfortable with that since her family will be here too and we feel like our event should be about christmas not about your engagment.” that sums it up right?

ETA: I would also be concerned that at some point it will come out that Future Brother-In-Law originally wanted to propose at your house and you said no. No matter your reasoning I would feel so bad that my future in laws didn’t want to be a part of the proposal or even let it happen in their home. It would be hard to not take that personally. I also wonder how your FI’s parents would feel about it if they ever got wind of that. Im sure everyone realizes it’s your house and event and you can choose as you please, but I can’t imagine this going over well in any way if you do decide to say no.

Post # 27
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@flapperphilosopher: =/  Sorry, I still don’t see the big deal.  It sounds like a memorable first Christmas to me!  And I’m sure your Future Brother-In-Law asked because he wanted to be polite.

 I know you say it’s not about jealousy, but it really seems that you just want the focus to be on you and your Fiance and how perfect you made Christmas and that you are worried that their engagement would overshadow your party.  I believe that you are happy for them, I’m just getting the vibe that you want some spotlight.

 

Post # 28
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

View original reply
@flapperphilosopher:  I get that it may be weird when your family (who doesn’t know them) will also be around. However, tell your Fiance that it is his brother, his decision, and his responsibility to respond to him. When it comes to family, we each deal with our own. I deal with mine, and he deals with his.

Post # 29
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@RunsWithBears:  +1. Seems like it’s about spotlight, too. If that’s worth hurting BIL’s feelings, and denying him the chance to make this memory with his family and soon to be Fiance, then ok.

Post # 30
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

I think your Future Brother-In-Law should have asked for forgiveness instead of for permission. I doubt this would be an issue if he just did it instead of asking first.

Anyway, I would keep my mouth shut and let your FH deal with it. If he really doesn’t want them to get engaged at the party then he needs to tell them and not defer to you. Sometimes things get uncomfortable but he has to man up and stand his ground.

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