(Closed) FBIL wants to propose to GF at Christmas

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 62
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

in my family a proposal gets a congratulations, a hug and maybe a quick celebratory toast. 5mins tops. wouldnt interfere with food prep at all

i  honestly dont see how itll make christmas more stressful 

Post # 63
Member
985 posts
Busy bee

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@flapperphilosopher:  lmao sorry you are getting flamed, but I guess I  can rationalize it. from what i gather everyone is in agreement about the whole Fiance should say something if he wants, but if it does come on u and u really dont want it like a PP said just say “me and Fiance dont feel comfortable” etc. whatever your excuse is

it just seems like from your choice of diction you are concerned with putting on some big show. no one cares about all of that, christmas is about family and friends, celebration, good times. its not going to matter what time he proposes, whether its before or after dinner. ppl are just going to be happy bcus its a new family starting. you seem worried about the wrong thing in my personal opinion. i would be thrilled to host an engagment  like many PP said.

is there some bigger issue such as your family not knowing him well or is it just you worried about your “party” not being executed down to a T? if its the latter, sorry I think its kind of … for the sake of not flaming, I’ll say “odd”. but if its your family, then tell him that.you are going to look like the bad guy anyway bcus youre sitting here saying you dont want to host an engagement | just be upfront about it to Future Brother-In-Law if your Fiance isnt stepping up (thats a whole ‘nother story) if not then fuhhgedaboudit and stop dwelling, it is just going to stress you out

Post # 64
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you need to calm down about the dinner.  You’re not building a rocket, you’re cooking some food.  If it’s going to be so stressful that you can’t enjoy it, I think you should get some of the dishes catered, or ask your family to bring items.  

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want the proposal to happen.  I would try and let it go or you are going to end up the bad guy. 

Post # 65
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@flapperphilosopher: He probably wants to share the moment with family, which is why he wants to do it at your home where your family will all be.  I don’t see why you guys would care if it’s done there or not? It’s not like he’s saying he wants to do it at your wedding.

Then again, I firmly believe if you agree to host then it’s your responsibility to host. Yes, help is nice but it shouldn’t be expected or required.  

Also, I hardly think the propsal and celebration will take much time away from people helping you prepare. 10 minutes after my husband proposed, we went to my parents house and my siblings and grandparents were there. After the initial round of congratulations, life went on as normal. Sure, there was wedding talk but I specifically remember helping my dad cook dinner as we were all chatting and sipping champagne. 

Post # 66
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

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@flapperphilosopher:  I think that’s a healthy compromise that allows them to have their moment but helps you worry less. Best of luck with your first Christmas! Relax, things will be wonderful.

Post # 67
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@flapperphilosopher:  Can you play cool sister in law and give him a “better” idea of doing it at home? 

Post # 68
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@flapperphilosopher:  Awww, I get that it can be stressful hosting a large family party for the first time – especially with inlaws.  However, I think you are looking at this proposal all wrong.  Not only is it exciting, but you can totally use it to your advantage!  If something does go wrong, you can use the proposal as a scapegoat.  Oh the rolls burned?  Crap, you were distracted by the engagement and trying not to spill the beans.  Forgot the cranberry sauce?- that’s because you were focusing on making sure you had enough champagne.  Plus, engagements are an instant conversation starter.  So if there’s a lull in the conversation, it’s an easy topic to go to.

 

Also, a quick pro-tip: start drinking when you start cooking.  It’ll help calm you down.  =)

Post # 69
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  Maybe I am the outsider here but I totally get being stressed about a big holiday dinner! My Fiance and I hosted Thanksgiving this year and it was stressful to think about having everything ready at the same time and making sure I didn’t forget everything and making sure everyone had a good time. And yes, I had spreadsheets also because the oven was being taken up by the turkey and I had a lot to plan!

However, even though all the food wasn’t piping hot and I forgot to put out one of the dishes that someone brought, it was still such a great time and everyone loved it. Your Future Brother-In-Law sounds very respectful in asking for your permission and he probably has a special time planned to ask his Girlfriend. I doubt he would do it when everyone is busy in the kitchen. If he is planning this when family is around then he is going to want to ask when he has everyone’s attention! That won’t be when food prep is underway!

Post # 70
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  That sounds like a good solution!  It sounds like you’re stressed about hosting your first large family shindig, which is totally understandable. Hopefully he will heed your request to propose after dinner.

Post # 72
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  What makes you think you can’t celebrate christmas AND an engagement? This is hilarious.

If hosting people for Christmas is so overwhelming you need everyones help and cant possibly have them focus on something else for 15 minutes, you probably shouldn’t have offered to do it.

Post # 73
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

Oh my, this all sounds childish and selfish to me. 

If your Future Sister-In-Law finds out later down the line about how  you are being about all of this and what your FBIL’s original plans are, she’s going to resent you.  JMO.  

I think you are making more of a big deal about the cooking aspect of it and the proposal.  Calm down and let your Future Brother-In-Law be happy and do something awesome in front of family and stop thinking about yourselves.  Which, btw, HE is going to be family with YOUR family.  

 

Post # 74
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@flapperphilosopher:  I understand where you’re coming from being that your family will be there who don’t even know him.  Are you positive he plans on doing it at your home?  I would just talk to him and discuss with him the benefits of doing it in priviate.  Honestly, I think that would be so perfect to have a christmas morning proposal where my Fiance and I could have had a private moment and then hours later I get to be with my entire family and share the news 🙂 

Just keep in mind if there is a reason he wants to do it at your home, christmas is a time about family.  Consider yourself lucky that he wants you to share in this moment and despite your feelings of him taking over the evening, do whatever you can to ensure your future sister has a picture perfect evening.  

Post # 75
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@flapperphilosopher:  I actually understand where you’re coming from. If I were hosting a party (first one with all the family), I’d be a little upset if there was a proposal that hindered dinner being ready (I mean, you’re preparing for it like crazy and to have things go awry just sucks). I would calmly and politely ask Future Brother-In-Law if he minds waiting until after dinner (when you can get a nice bottle of champagne ready or the like), that way everyone can enjoy dinner and then get a wonderful surprise at the end of it. I don’t think you’re craving attention or want their moment to be less noticed; it’s just your house, you’re hosting an entire dinner for the family, and you’re going to need some help at the very beginning of the night. Makes total sense to me. I wouldn’t try to push blame on either Fiance or yourself; just let Future Brother-In-Law know that you are so glad that he is proposing and you don’t mind if it’s at your house, but if he could please hold off until dinner is over when everyone’s together and full and happy, so you can have all the last minute stuff ready and it won’t be stressful for anyone. It would be kind of odd for him to get down on one knee right as everyone gets in the door, anyway.

(ETA: If this is your first christmas hosting the family with your Fiance, then the night should be about you as well- you’re the host! I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.)

Post # 76
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, no one is going to forget that you are hosting Christmas if there’s a proposal going on, and no one is going to be so blinded by your FBIL’s new fiance’s ring that they’ll refuse to help you get the potatoes out of the oven. Lighten up. If your family’s expectations of Christmas perfection are so high that taking 5 minutes to enjoy a family proposal ruin your timeline then your issue should be with your family and their unrealistic expectations, not with the potential proposal. And if you’re stressing yourself that much over Christmas dinner– which is supposed to be a happy, loving time— then you need to go have a spa day and stop taking it so seriously.  You can still have your share of the spotlight. Your ham won’t get burned. It’s going to be a-okay.

 

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