(Closed) FBIL wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes, you’re being a little paranoid (but we all are sometimes). Has your fiance ever given you a reason not to trust him?

He’s going to be around her because they are both in a wedding, not because he’s suddenly decided to rekindle a friendship with her. He was with her for 5 years, but he wants to marry you. Try not to lose sight of that, and don’t make him feel like he’s doing something wrong by being around her, it’s only circumstantial that he is. You just have to be a grown woman and remind yourself that he picked you. Nothing else matters. See if you can tag along at the bachelor/bachelorette parties if it makes you feel better!

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I find it strange that you wouldn’t be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner. I get that they want to keep it small but it’s not like you’re the SO of just a friend who’s a groomsmen, you’re engaged to the grooms brother/best man. That’s an automatic invite if you ask me. I know every family’s dynamic is different but I was a member of DH’s family long before we were even engaged. If I would have been excluded from my BIL’s Rehearsal Dinner, it would not have sat well with me.

I don’t think you’re being crazy. I’m sure most women would feel the same way you do. I would talk to your Fiance about it. How does he feel about you being excluded from all of this stuff?

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You have to learn to trust him. It’s not like he is intentionally hanging out with his ex but it’s part of the wedding festivities and an obligation on his part. I would have a calm conversation with him explaining your concerns and then just learn it at that.

Post # 6
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not to be mean, but you are being a bit crazy…but we all can be sometimes. It’s a 2 second walk down the aisle so it’s not like they are going to reconnect in that time and realize that they were meant for each other. If you trust your Fiance, then there is no problem. He chose you. His ex could have moved on and isn’t even thinking about your Fiance. I wouldn’t cause a problem over it UNLESS the ex and Future Sister-In-Law are scheming.  

Post # 7
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I actually agree with you. Yes, you need to trust your husband but the whole situation would make me uncomfortable regardless of who my guy was with. Nothing to do with trusting him, but trusting HER … or any of the people around them I didn’t know. 

Talk to your FH about this. I think it’s unfortunate this is the way the couple has set it up… and I do agree you should at least be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner. That’s honestly kind of rude…. 

Post # 8
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss Steampunk: agree on this last bit… we don’t know about Future Sister-In-Law but from the sounds of it, this is what would make me uncomfortable most. Not her FH going with the ex…. but the fact that people around them, who will be present at wedding stuff…. seem to be in support of them being together. 

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Steampunk: I doubt her issue is stemmed from the 2 second walk. It’s more than likely the multiple events that he’ll be attending with his ex and without his fiance. 

Post # 10
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

you have to trust your Fiance, bottom line but in all honesty I would be just as upset as you are and i think its quite rude for them not to invite you to the rehearsal.  considering you are practically family at this point..like caitmarae said, automatic invite in my opinion. Bach party i can (kind of) understand except for the fact that its a combined party…what is one more person?

i was at a wedding last weekend that my husband was in and i wasnt – in a city i had never been to before with people i have never met. the bride (who i met once at my wedding) was so nice and invited me to go get my nails done with them the day before while all the boys went out to lunch – i declined and hung out at the hotel knowing it was her special day and i just didnt need to be there but it was the nicest gesture. I just personally would never separate a couple, married, engaged or dating.

Post # 11
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@UpstateCait: I mean the only event that is strange that she isn’t invited to is the Rehearsal Dinner and it’s really up to the bride and groom if they want plus 1’s and what not. 
I don’t think it’s strange that she’s not invited to the bach. parties because she’s not friends with Future Sister-In-Law and she’s not in the wedding party.

Now there are more issues. Your FH cheated on you with this woman while you were together. Now were you just dating or were you exclusive? That to me makes the difference.  I wouldn’t be upset about the Rehearsal Dinner, but I would be uncomfortable about the bach party. 

Post # 12
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

just because you are uncomfortable with the idea of your Fiance hanging out with his ex girlfriend without you does not make you crazy. I don’t know many girls that would LOVE the idea of that. But at the same time it isn’t something thats in his control. Just talk to him about it in a way that you express your feelings but don’t point a finger at him that he is doing something wrong. I know my Fiance would be sensitive to my feelings if he was in that situation so hopefully yours will understand too. Just remember he is marrying YOU, and have a blast with him at the wedding!

Post # 13
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d talk about it with your Fiance.  You’re not some bar pick up your his Fiance and you’re going to be a part of his family.  Sounds to me like your Future Sister-In-Law is up to no good, especially after hearing about your Fiance having cheated on you with this same girl.   I would definitely talk about this with Fiance, him drinking around his ex is not a good thing.  Maybe he could talk to his brother and Future Sister-In-Law about making this a bonding time with YOU and them and have you tag along to the bach parties.  It’s combined and what’s one more person, they don’t pay your way you normally chip in and cover bride/groom’s expenses for the evening.

Post # 14
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agree… what’s so bad about an extra person at the combined party?? I think if a lot of people will be there anyway, what would it hurt to see what strings FH could pull to take you along? I think a lot of these things should be taken into consideration if you are asking your brother to be best man and Maid/Matron of Honor is his ex… after engagement that should change. Your relationship should be respected as well as your status as a new part of the family. I wouldn’t bring it up with Future Sister-In-Law but I think you as a couple should make it to the party together. Say you want to celebrate WITH them and you’d appreciate being able to go with your fiance. Nuff said. If no one has any hidden agenda, I don’t see how this could be rude to ask. 

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@alyssa742:  at first I thought meh, maybe a bit crazy……but then I thought back to a story my mom told me. My dad’s sister never liked my mom, and when mom and dad were dating, my aunt would make comments about another girl that she (and my grandmother) always wanted my dad to date and would try to set them up. This girl and my aunt had always been good friends.

Well my parents got engaged and then my aunt decided she and her bf of 7 years would get engaged too. And get married 6 weeks before my parents.

My aunt asked that girl to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man….and paired her with my dad. At their wedding, she not only had them walk down the aisle together, but sat my mom as far away as she could at a ‘singles’ table (even though my mom knew and could have been sat with plenty of other people), made the bridal party do multiple dances with their counterparts, and took lots of photos…..and left my mom out because ‘she wasn’t part of the family’ – mind you again, their wedding was in 6 weeks. So the more I think about it, it’s probably not crazy that your Future Sister-In-Law could still be desparately trying to get her friend and your Fiance to hook up.

But as long as you trust him, you shouldn’t need to worry – you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink!

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