Post # 1
For our wedding, I decided to “kill two birds with one stone” and I did a 13 cupcake stand as my centerpieces. FH and I are paying for a lot of the wedding on our own so I was just going to use Sam’s Club cupcakes. 1. because I love the flavor 2. because they are cheap. (we need like 250 cupcakes)
My FBIL’s girlfriend of a years has her pastry degree. While I think her cakes are mostly cute i have never been impressed with the flavor. She is continuing her education this fall by going away to school. (1 week before the wedding) Future Brother-In-Law is also going to culinary school and just took his wedding cake course as well.
FH Grandmother found out we were doing Sam’s Club cupcakes and offered to pay for the cupcakes from a well known bakery. (like 5X the cost we were going to pay)
FBIL’s girlfriend is mad I did not ask her to do the cupcakes. 1. she is going to be leaving before the wedding 2. 250 cupcakes are a lot to do and travel with. Now she says she’s not coming to the wedding which I normally wouldn’t care about but Future Brother-In-Law was also hurt I didn’t ask him.
To make it up to them I asked them to make the shower cake. I planned to pay for materials and labor but I am still trying to keep costs down. Then she was mad i had a design picked out that i wanted them to follow then she proceeded to tell my Future Mother-In-Law that they were going to MAKE us pay for the cake. OF COURSE I WOULD PAY FOR IT!!!
Should I just tell her never mind because of all this hassle or what would you do?!
Post # 3
Either way, I think there is going to be trouble with this one, but if it were me, I would tell her, thanks but no thanks. In my opinion, for you, it would be less hassle and worry to figure something else out.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas
Seriously, that is drama you don’t need. It’s your wedding and it’s your choice who will make cupcakes/shower cake, etc. Don’t be bullied into anything!
Post # 5
I’m sure you’ve already apologized but I think the best way to phrase it would be to say, “We really love the look of cupcakes but knew we wouldn’t be able to pay for cupcakes from a professional bakery and asking you to do it felt like such a big favor because we want all of our guests to just be able to relax and enjoy the day. I’m sure you would have done a great job but we just didn’t feel right asking you to give so much of your time.”
Post # 6
Since she seemed to be upset that you picked out a design, my guess is that she wanted to totally be creative with it. If I have it correctly, that you were talking about the shower cake, I could see where she thought she might have some liberty. (Brides don’t usually get that involved with their own showers. NOr do they typically pay for their own shower cakes.) I’m also guessing, by “making you pay for the cake”, it was something she originally planned to offer as a gift. (?) But since she can’t do what she wants and have “fun” with it, it will seem like work, and wants to charge. (OK way guessing there, but just came to mind.)
I’m not sure what to say. I don’t know how they could pull off making the cupcakes, moving and all. Are they in the wedding by any chance? I guess I’d leave the part about the taste off, and focus on telling them that 1. you didn’t think they’d be able to since they were moving, and 2. that you really want them to have a good time at the wedding and not stress over working.
If you think making the shower cake will make amends, I’d consider allowing her more free reign. I’m not sure how much of it you planned out. But I’d maybe tell her what flavor you like, and what the wedding colors are.
Post # 7
Umm…FBIL’s gf needs a reality check that this is your wedding, not hers. She just sounds jealous to me and needs to take a big step back. No drama.
Post # 8
@Tanya- The shower invites have a cake on them so I wanted to have a cake that matched just for fun. My Grandmother is doing most of the shower on her own so I took up some of the slack because I felt like she was doing so much. I could understand why she would be mad if she offered to make a cake then I proceeded to tell her what to do but I was asking her. My Future Brother-In-Law is in the wedding but hes not moving only she is and shes also bitter shes not in the wedding party.
Post # 9
Can you tell them that you wanted them to feel like guests at the wedding and enjoy themselves and not have the stress of making all the cupcakes and setting them up? Good luck!
Post # 10
Yeah, just tell them that you really felt like they should be able to enjoy every minute and not be under too much stress. I mean, really… it’s your wedding. She can make cupcakes for her wedding.
And stay with Sam’s Club cupcakes… they are amazing! 🙂
Post # 11
I know you probably already apologized, and I really think that she’s being the unreasonable one here (and your Future Brother-In-Law is being unreasonable to an extent as well) but it might go a long way toward smoothing things over if you sent her an apology email. Just say something like “We knew 250 cupcakes would be so much work and we didn’t want to impose on you. Of course we know that anything you made would be better than something from a big box store [just lie a little here!] but we want you to be able to relax and have fun, and not worry about working at the wedding!”
Then if you want, I would offer to allow her to be more creative with the shower cake, or if you want to keep your design, you could say something like “I am thrilled that you’re going to make this shower cake for us. I can’t wait to see how it turns out! Let me know what you want to do about the cost, we could go shopping together and I could buy all the ingredients for you, or I can just write you a check, whichever you prefer :)” That way you’re still happy and friendly, you don’t really let on that you know she’s mad at you, but you still get the point across that you always intended to pay.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, she’s being totally a drama queen, but sometimes the best way to handle people like that are to do a little something to quiet them down for now, and do whatever possible to avoid getting entangled with them in the future…
Post # 12
Just a little update.
I did tell the BGirlfriend no thanks because she wanted to charge me the same amount that they would charge in a full priced bakery. If I wanted to pay, $300 for the cake i would have went there in the first place.
She then proceeded to tell my Future Brother-In-Law that she hasn’t loved him for months and broke up with him because he wanted to do the cake at cost.
They hung out yesterday even though they are broken up and she tore my Shower invitation off of the refrigerator (magnet was across the room) and the invite was flung across the room on the floor. I Future Mother-In-Law told me because they were in the kitchen getting silverware for their pizza just moments before she walked in there.
She is the only drama in this wedding… i’m so happy she wont be at the shower or wedding now! =-) less for me to have to worrie about!
Post # 13
Good update and good riddance to that biotch.
Post # 14
Glad to hear it had a happy ending for you!
Post # 15
Wow that stinks! Good thing you wont have to worry about her being at the wedding, sounds like one person that your better off without! PS – I LOVE Sams Club cupcakes, they are so delicous, my boss used to bring them to work all the time!
Post # 16
She seems like she might have issues. I’m sure she just chose your wedding to unleash the crazy (so you’re not the cause of it).
I can understand them being a little bit hurt but you should be able to pick whatever you want without anyone pouting about it. Plus it’s easier to get what you want when you’re not using friends or family. You feel more comfortable saying “No I don’t like that”.
I’m a graphic designer and there’s no way in the WORLD I would ever do invites for a friend (what I would have to charge to make it worth my time would be insane – they’re just sooo time consuming).