(Closed) FBIL's girlfriend wants to be super involved but has not tried to be friends?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Hmmm… I agree with you, her behaviour is weird.

She is trying to be a sister in law, when in fact (from what you say about Future Brother-In-Law not proposing any time soon…) she is nowhere near that status. Perhaps she is trying to impress your Future Mother-In-Law and your FI’s family. 

 

Honestly, if I were you, I would go for brunch or coffee with your Future Mother-In-Law under the pretence of wedding talk and bring up how you’re not sure about the extent you want this women involved in your wedding. You dont need to be bitchy or winey about it, but be honest. Get your Future Mother-In-Law on side, if she understands how you feel I’m sure she will either shead light and wisdom onto the situation or support you if you choose to distance this women from the planning process. 

 

What does your Fiance think about it too?

Post # 4
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with your Fiance, her involvement shouldn’t extend beyond being a guest! Her behavior is totally bizarre. Sounds like she doesn’t want to put forth the effort to get to know you but wants to get credit for being your friend and bridesmaid. Yuck!

Post # 5
Member
7508 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Some people are socially awkward. She sounds harmless, just clueless. maybe you could give her a small task or invite her to join you on an errand of some sort, spend a little time with her and see if you can figure out where her head is. But if you don’t want her to be involved, don’t give her any more information. You might need to stop telling Future Brother-In-Law things too if that’s where she is getting her info. She couldn’t have told Future Mother-In-Law anything if she didn’t know anything to begin with.

Post # 6
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

With that attitude, girlfriend shouldn’t be nothing more than a simple guest. She’s being creepy as hell! Run for the hills and don’t let her do a damn thing. She already caused one rift with your future mother in law, she’ll cause another rift if given the chance, I can tell.<br /><br /> Fiance thinks she’s making all these offers to make herself look good to the family?<br />I agree with your fiance. She’s trying to make herself look good and “marriage” prepared to her boyfriend as well. 

Post # 7
Member
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Dont play into her B.S. this is already troublesome. 

Post # 8
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I think she’s excited. She wants to be engaged, she was recently included in a wedding, & now someone ‘close’ to her is getting married again. I don’t think her talking to your Future Mother-In-Law was malicious & I think you should extend yourself out to get to know her ..especially if your Future Brother-In-Law sees her in his future (even if their engagement won’t be any time soon)!

It’s a little weird that she has seen your Pinterest boards, but if it bothers you that someone was able to find you, you should really reconsider your privacy settings & not take it out on this girl! 

Post # 9
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Whenever in laws or friends bring up what she is saying, sharing, telling them she wants to do I would simply say “Hm! thats odd, she hasnt said a word to me. About the wedding or anything”. Leave it at that. Let their minds do the rest, and relay that info back to her. She’ll either step up and talk to you, or hopefully drop it all together once everyone knows she hasnt said anything to you. 

Post # 10
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I definitely agree with your Fiance in that she’s trying to look good in front of the family. Just like when she told your Future Mother-In-Law about your innocent engagement talk…sounds like she was just trying to get on her good side. If she feels like she is that close to a proposal she probably just wants to feel involved. Do you think she feels awkward or intimidated talking to you because of how nasty things got between you and Future Mother-In-Law over their conversation? I’m sure she picked up that you were upset with her so maybe in her own strange way she’s trying to make it up to you with this?

Post # 11
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It seems like she is trying to appear like this really sweet helpful person to family, and maybe her SO, but not actually doing any of that stuff. She might be trying to attach herself to you and this wedding because she wants it for herself, or maybe because you’re becoming part of the family and she wants to just attach to it as much as possible. It is weird though and maybe the next time someone mentions something to you you should tell them that it’s news to you because she’s almost never spoken to you, much less brought up the wedding or offered to help. And maybe say something to her? You probably don’t want any drama but she needs to calm down.

Post # 12
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Her behavior sounds manipulative and bizarre. I’d try being honest with Future Mother-In-Law if she tries to pressure you to include her. It may be awkward, but it could do both you and her (and her other son) a favor. 

Post # 13
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not that it’s the same thing at all but when I was at school there was one girl who really wanted to be invited to my birthday party (she had gone the previous year and it was to a theme park but her and her friends started to be unkind to me) so was quite pally with me and would sit next to me in class. When she found out I would not be inviting her she stopped being friendly!

I can’t decide if this girl is just using you (maybe she’s hoping that by being in the wedding her Boyfriend or Best Friend will think of proposing) or if she genuinely wants to be in it but is forgetting the fundamentals of friendship first. I guess the question is: if she wasn’t involved in your ILs life, would you be friends with her? I am not saying you can’t be friendly but there’s a differencd between being friends and being friendly when you see each other. 

Post # 14
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would say that especially since she’s not a fiance yet that you have no obligation to involve this girl in any type of wedding plans.  Even if she was a fiance I don’t think you would be obligated to, but in this case it wouldn’t make any sense at all.  The whole things sounds weird.  Sounds like she really likes attention.  After that incident with her talking to Future Mother-In-Law about the engagement, at least you know not to divulge any remotely private information to her now.  

What if you did include her in things and then they break up and you never have any contact with her again?  Then there’s this person that did all these things at your wedding that you never have and never will have any relationship with.  Sorry that you are dealing with this!  I would be frustrated in your situation.

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