(Closed) FBIL's girlfriend wants to be super involved but has not tried to be friends?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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KitSnicket:  I think when it comes to ILs OHs whether you have them involved in the wedding is entirely personal and whether you get on or not (well actually all bridal party choosing is like this) but probably if this was FIs sister youd be more likely to use her – there are still requirements but probably there are fewer. 

I think it’s nice she wants to help and maybe there are ways she can but it shouldn’t be in a big way. 

Post # 17
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Based on your OP this girl sounds like a wackadoo.  Who does that?! — stalk someone’s pinterest, go around lying to family that she’s so heavily involved when she hasn’t said two words to you.

Why do people think she’s just “young” and “immature”?  Sure when I was 17-my 20s I was immature and naive, but I never behaved in a crazy stalkerish way creating lies and making up stories to other people.  This girl sounds like she’s going to create crazy unnecessary drama for your wedding and if you’re not monitoring every crazy lie that comes out of her mouth, she has the potential to ruin YOUR reputation and put a serius taint on how your future in-laws and their families see you as the new bride.

She already messed up your engagement period by telling exaggerated stories to your Future Mother-In-Law and making her turn against you before it even happened!  Be forewarned, this girl sounds like a lot of trouble.  If I were you, I’d keep her far away from my wedding and tell others the truth that she NEVER actually talked to you about helping at all.  And when she finally does call, tell her “oh I’ve already got things under control, thanks” and keep a tight lid on the details of the planning.  If she wants to be sssooo involved then maybe let her do a simple and short reading during the ceremony.  But the less she knows and the less involved she is, the better you will be protected from her lies and tall tales.

Post # 18
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

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KitSnicket:  She can talk all she wants about helping you, it’s whether she actually does, which from your post it sounds like she won’t be doing.  I would just ignore her talk for now.  She clearly sounds like she has a problem with communication.

Post # 19
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think she has wedding fever and just really just wants to plan a wedding, which is why she is offering to help to much, but shes is also jealous, which is why she doesnt want to be friends.

Post # 20
Member
399 posts
Helper bee

Girl sounds too immature for proposal. Your wedding is not her playday. Frankly, it shouldn’t matter whether her interest is because she is enamoured by weddings or she has some agenda she’s working. Personally, it sounds like she’s trying to seem like a front runner in a FDIL competition for your Mother-In-Law, but that just may be my cynical side.

As PP have said, if someone tells you she’s suggested doing something or bring her thoughts up, just say she hasn’t mentioned anything to you. She’s behaving in a very childish manner, and that should be ignored not indulged. I wouldn’t let her near your wedding events. She’s not future family, and she already seems to have a bad habit of making things that aren’t about her ALL about her.

 

Post # 21
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Unfathomably:  I couldn’t have said it better myself. OP, she sounds like she’s got wedding fever and is so fixated on her SO proposing that she wants to live our her engagement (before it’s happened) vicariously through you. And she’s probably trying to impress her prospective in-laws. Heck, she probably feels jealous or in competition with you because you’re dating a set of brothers. It’s all a very immature mindset. If she’s being so chatty with your Future Mother-In-Law, I suggest doing the same so she has your perspective as well. I think it will be very obvious who the more mature person is, and they should back off pressuring you to include this chick.

Post # 22
Member
22 posts
Newbee

One of the other bees made an awesome point (I thought!) on another thread about not wanting her future kids to look at her wedding photos and not knowing the people in the pictures. I think that it has only been a year, in the long run it’s not that long, and you don’t know if she is going to be around much longer – why get her involved? She is then going to be in all the pictures, what happens if they break up and Future Brother-In-Law marries someone else, I am sure it would probably make her feel a little awkward to have to see this girl in all your wedding photos. Just more drama then I think it’s worth.

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