(Closed) FBIL's wedding and our honeymoon – potential conflict

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?

    Change honeymoon month

    Have FI talk to his brother about his DW month

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    15196 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Even if they choose March or May, you’d still to take time off and pay for it… so I guess given that, fi they did have to be total asses about it and pick April, it wouldn’t be all that different to move Paris to May.  The weather in Pairs will probably be better in May anyways.  If they choose sometime between June and Aug, does that mean you wouldnt be able to make it cause of work?

    Post # 18
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

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    @flapperphilosopher:  while maybe annoying, it is probable he isn’t thinking about when you were planning your honeymoon. it would be much worse if you had already booked it. though not ideal, if it were a family member i would definitely reschedule the honeymoon without a second thought, unless it were already booked. if your fiance can’t go june-aug, fall in paris is much lovelier than spring, in my opinion. what’s a couple more months to be able to attend your brother in laws wedding?

    Post # 19
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @flapperphilosopher:  If your vacay is booked, it’s booked. You decided on April first. If Future Brother-In-Law brings up the topic, let him know that you unfortunately won’t be able to attend because you’ve already booked your honeymoon. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    While it’s easy and probably not a big deal to change your honeymoon date… why the hell would your Future Brother-In-Law choose April of the same year??? So rude. It’s not like they are planning already and have a venue they really want but the only availability is in April. Sure, wedding trumps a vacation, but it seems passive aggressive to me that your Future Brother-In-Law is doing this. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    15196 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Since nothing is booked I’d just have Fiance talk to him about it.  Until anything is booked, everything is really still up in the air.  If Pairs in April means that much to you, and Fiance can’t make it June – Aug, let Future Brother-In-Law know, and he can decide based on that.  If you guys can’t make it, then you jsut can’t make it and he knows that while he’s planning.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

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    @flapperphilosopher:  Honestly? From your last post your Future Brother-In-Law is kind of a jackass that isn’t willing to compromise on anything, so honestly I don’t think you should change your honeymoon date. But that’s just the spiteful me talking. If you really want to make it to the wedding it would be in your best interest to reschedule your honeymoon, but maybe have Fiance talk to Future Brother-In-Law first.

    Post # 25
    Member
    512 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

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    @flapperphilosopher:  

    This is a super annoying scenario.  FBIL is incredibly rude & selfish.  Also, he’s not even engaged yet!  Does he know when his (potential) future bride wants to get married?  Does he know she wants to get married in Hawaii?  Does he know she’s even going to say yes?

    Talk about bridezilla!  jeesh!  This guy has his wedding planned, steamrolling his brothers plans that he KNOWS about & he diesnt even have a fiance yet?  This is unfair & inconsiderate.  At the same time, you really have no hand to play, unless you do side with & encourage your Future Mother-In-Law to intervene.  Which is another whole conflict that i can see not wanting to get into.  Tempting though.  I’d have to just leave it up to my Fiance, it’s his family.  Sorry this is happening to you!

    Post # 26
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee

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    @flapperphilosopher:  I can’t believe this is the same FBIL! He seems kind of selfish,  but I will give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has this planned out already (I doubt it). Does his girlfriend know the date yet? Maybe he has his heads in the clouds (especially if he has done no reconnaissance planning).

    Post # 27
    Member
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

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    @flapperphilosopher:  Just realized you were the one who posted about Future Brother-In-Law proposing at your place on Christmas Eve.

    In that case, I would probably put my foot down. You and your Fiance have been more than accommodating. You’ve allowed him to not only propose to her in front of both your families, but you also agreed to allow him to invite the GF’s family – which he didn’t even ask permission to do! Who invites 6 additional people over for a holiday without asking first?!

    Anyways, you guys have been more than fair and more than accommodating. This is already a rough time of year for you and your family, yet you’ve managed to show maturity and grace by allowing him to have his special moment. Your Grandma would have been proud.

    That doesn’t mean he gets to have everything his way though. You guys have made it well-known what your plans are. He can suck it up and choose a different month or he can run the risk of his brother and SIL not being able to make it.

    Post # 28
    Member
    512 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

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    @megz06:  Now this is spiteful:  I hope she says no!

    Post # 30
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

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    @gelaine22:  +1

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    @LoggerHead91207:  +1

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    @flapperphilosopher:  Change your honeymoon dates since you haven’t actually booked anything for the trip yet.  Yes, you wanted to take it in April, but you’re not losing money on deposits or anything.  It’s only a big deal if you make it one.  Paris will still be there and you’ll still have an amazing time!

    We have run into several similar situations.  My husband’s best friend decided he wanted to get married during our honeymoon.  Unfortunately, we had already spent thousands of dollars on non-refundable/non-exchangeable tickets, hotels, tours, etc.  So we had to decline to attend his wedding.  It was heartbreaking for all of us involved because we really really wanted to go. But we couldn’t afford to lose out on all that money.  If we hadn’t booked it already, we would have definitely changed our trip plans to go to his wedding.  That’s how much we love this guy, and he’s only a friend, not family.

    Another similar thing…when I first got engaged, my brother through a hissy fit over the month we were considering getting married.  Long story short, we ended up pushing our wedding back 6 months.  And we actually had a much nicer wedding than we would have had if we kept the original date.  Sometimes stuff happens for a reason.  Maybe there will be a catastrophe in April and you’ll be really glad you went another time.

    Plus as you said, it’s pretty early to start getting upset when they haven’t chosen a date yet.  PLEASE don’t ruin this time for them!  My brother completely ruined the beginning of my engagement because of his temper tantrum.  We hadn’t formally chosen a date yet either and were only considering dates.  It completely ruined my relationship with him and it’s never recovered.  Please don’t make the same mistake.  Wait until they actually set a date to say anything.

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