(Closed) FBIL's wedding and our honeymoon – potential conflict

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?

    Change honeymoon month

    Have FI talk to his brother about his DW month

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

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    @flapperphilosopher:  But you have an opportunity to ameliorate the situation with your husband so that he doesn’t overreact and ruin your brother’s engagement.

    Post # 33
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Personally, I would go ahead and book your honeymoon and let Future Brother-In-Law work around that, especially if his own mother is on your side. That’s the end of shoulder season and if you have to push it any later, your honeymoon is going to wind up being way more expensive (and any earlier and the weather may be problematic). Not to mention, your Future Brother-In-Law kiiiiiinda sounds like a piece of work and if I was in your position I couldn’t help but take a little bit of pleasure in not bowing to his demands.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4997 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    These are all so far away that I don’t think it’s worth freaking out over. You can’t book flights until like next summer anyway. I would wait to book your flight to Paris until their wedding date is set. It takes precedent, especially since your honeymoon isn’t right after your wedding.

    Post # 36
    Member
    7365 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    My answer was going to be a whole lot different until I realized you were the proposal at Christmas, at your house, bringing extra guests, with special diet poster. So the good side of me says won’t allow me to answer. He can go kick rocks. His own mama is saying he’s out of order. Book your Honeymoon. 

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

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    @weatherbug:  I agree with this.  He hasn’t even proposed yet so a lot could change over the next year and a half.  If your wedding date is in stone then I say to go ahead and book your honeymoon when it’s convenient for you.  So long as you book your honeymoon before they book their wedding, the date is yours.  It may mean you will miss his wedding though if they still book April after you book your trip.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee

    That’s a relief I thought it was 2014. SSeriously wondered if he could pull it off in such a short time! Hopefully, his girlfriend is more considerate than he is!

    Post # 40
    Member
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

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    @Christy42213:  I would have agreed with you initially, but her Future Brother-In-Law sounds as if he is going out of his way to make things difficult.

    The OP wrote a previous post about how her Future Brother-In-Law wanted to propose at the Christmas Eve party she was hosting for her family and her FI’s family. People jumped all over her for being selfish, despite the fact that this is her family’s first Christmas without her Grandma (who traditionally hosted the family Christmas party).

    Then there was a complete reversal of opinion when she posted that she had agreed to let it happen only to find out that he had invited his GF’s family (an extra 6 people) to the party without asking whether that was ok or not. And they keep Kosher, so that means special dietary means. And he asked if they would be providing Champagne.

    Seriously.

    She’s mentioned already that there’s a certain level of sibling rivalry that could be at play between the brothers and that Future Brother-In-Law can be a bit absent-minded about this stuff.

    Honestly, after all the accommodating they did for the proposal I don’t see why they should have to give up their prefered time for a Honeymoon as well. It’s not like they’ve kept it a big secret and got mortally offended when Future Brother-In-Law happened to choose that month. It’s been known by his entire family for a while now that they were planning to do their Honeymoon in April of 2015. I think the Fiance should talk to his brother about things and see if something could be worked out ahead of time, but I don’t think the OP should feel obligated to change their original plan.

    Post # 41
    Member
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t change my honeymoon for someone who isn’t even engaged yet. I would point out that he has known that you have this trip planned, and you still plan to take it. And you hope he can work around that so you can be there. If he doesn’t… then oh well I guess. Sometimes people are just dense. Hopefully your Future Brother-In-Law actually cares about your feelings and will be like OOPS! 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

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    @LoggerHead91207:  I read her other post too.  I still have the same opinion.  Despite his previous actions, he’s family.  Engagements and weddings are a big deal.  People can lose their ability to think logically.  But I still believe that they should do everything they can to attend the wedding since no money has been spent on a honeymoon yet.  They don’t even have a firm date yet!  So right now, there’s really no reason to do anything.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2453 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

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    @flapperphilosopher:  “Honestly if they chose June-August it would be really very difficult if not impossible for Fiance to make a Destination Wedding work.”

    Trying to be optimistic (or just not cynical)…  Maybe this is part of the reason Future Brother-In-Law wants a wedding in April?  So his brother can actually come?

    Post # 44
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

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    @Apple_Blossom:  +1 i thought the same thing. i think i disagree with the majority of posters i just can’t imagine a honeymoon trumping a sibling’s wedding, unless it was already booked.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @flapperphilosopher:  I had the same conflict as you–  my sister had to take a (2 year) delayed honeymoon.  Only she never really talked about when with family, since she didn’t think she “needed” to.

    So they started planning thier honeymoon for Nov 2013.  We got engaged in June, and decided to get married in November- and so when I talked to my sister about dates. all the sudden she announces they are going on a honeymoon and won’t get back until the day of the wedding.

     

    This was a little frustrating for us- because my sister had never bothered to announce any of this, AND she hadn’t even booked tickets/hotel- nothing.  Her and her husband take literally HOURS to decide where they are going to eat lunch on a Saturday- so you can imagine how planning a trip goes.

     

    In our case, all they had to do was come home ONE day early (and I offered to pay if there was a price difference in tickets)- but she through an absolute stink (which I thought was uncalled for- since I was dooing everything I could to work with her/change dates)– we DID end up changing the date our wedding for THEM.

    My dad was only one who said he thought it was rude if I didn’t change my date- everyone else (Fi’s parents, my mom- my friends)- all said, after hearing the entire situation, that we should stick to our date since it’s so fixable for my sister (1 day early home)— to be honest, it irked me a little that made SUCH a big deal out of thier honeymoon– they have traveled A TON since hey have been married- but this was the first place that had palm trees, therefore, it was a honeymoon.

     

     

    In your case- being that you have announced this way ahead of time- with all parties present, I would try and talk to them.  Or tell them you’ve already booked your Paris trip– you said it’s been talked about so this souodn’t come as a surprise to them.  If they had talked about the wedding first- I might lean towards you changing your honeymoon, but in this case- it seems almost inconsidersate that they would do that- Hawaii isn’t small travel

    Post # 46
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

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    @penguinbee:  you just said you can’t force anyone to change plans- true.  but why should THEY have to change thier plans, especially since the wedding date isn’t even set into place?

     

    I am sensitive to this subject- since my sisters unplanned honeymoon caused ME to have to change our wedding date.  She had nothing booked, but her and her husband had “talked about it”– amongst themselves.  The wedding is a big deal, but they haven’t even had the proposal yet!

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