(Closed) FBIL's wedding and our honeymoon – potential conflict

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?

    Change honeymoon month

    Have FI talk to his brother about his DW month

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 47
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Skip the wedding, you’ll be better off.  Hawaii is usually pretty expensive and busy in April….can we say Spring Break?  Nothing like getting married on a beach with everyone else’s family from WA to CA. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

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    @mu_t:  I wish this post was here when I was settling on my date- my sister’s honeymoon trumped our wedding date because she threw a stink, and lied to my parents and said they booked tickets.  They had not booked tickets, and she told me this.   We had money in hand for a deposit for our venue, but we obviously wanted to ask close fam about the date.

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    2836 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @weatherbug:  +1

    Post # 50
    Member
    3679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Oh god, I didn’t put two and two together until later in the thread — your Brother-In-Law is the dickhead inviting a bunch of strangers with special dietary requirements to your family’s Christmas so he can have you finance his engagement.

    Since you know at what point he’s going to propose, I’d be sure to mention in front of the whole table before the proposal how excited you are that you and your husband are finally getting the chance to plan your honeymoon for April of 2015. Boom.

    Although if you were doing what I would do, I’d be uninviting these extra guests and telling your Brother-In-Law to suck it.

    Post # 51
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Kukahiko Estate

    View original reply
    @MrsEME:  I meant that the OP has no control over other peoples plans so the EASIEST thing is to change her own plans.

    I don’t think she should have to however, and this can probably be settled by having some discussions with the soon to be engaged couple since, yes, they dont actually have a date yet.  Ideally…the new couple should be considerate of their immediate family’s existing plans when picking a date.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I really want to punch your Future Brother-In-Law in the throat.  He has no regard for anyone else, he seems so self centered and just doesn’t care how his plans affect the people close to him.  Ugh he sounds so frustrating!  I would have Fiance call him and try to calmly be like “Hey how serious is the April wedding? Because remember that was when we planned to take our honeymoon, remember?”  Wait for his response and go from there, if they have good reasons to plan April, say its the only time her family can make it, then consider changing your honeymoon, if he doesn’t have a good reason be like “Dude WTF are you thinking you jacka**?”  Good luck with this one!  You are handling all this way better than I would.

     

    Post # 54
    Member
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    View original reply
    @Christy42213:  Weddings and Engagements are important, but in my opinion Honeymoons are as well. I pointed out in my first comment that a wedding date hadn’t been set yet and that things could happen that change plans so I completely agree with you there.

    However, I still feel like its unfair that they may have to change their plans to accommodate the brother once more. They’ve already gone out of their way to make this a special moment for him and his Girlfriend, something that I give them a lot of credit for because it seems like the whole proposal thing happened kind of last minute.

    Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it seems like the Future Brother-In-Law is going out of his way to make things difficult. He may be family, but that doesn’t mean he can keep expecting things to be moved around to accommodate him and his plans.

    It could be that he really is just kind of spacey and forgot though. Or it could be that he knows and just doesn’t realize that planning his wedding the same month as their Honeymoon would prevent them from attending a Destination Wedding in Hawaii.

    Either way, I think that the OP’s Fiance should mention something about their Honeymoon plans. At least that way they all are on the same page together, they all know that they’re on the same page together, and they can at least attempt to find some sort of solution that works for all of them.

    Post # 55
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    @flapperphilosopher:  I think that it’s really inconsiderate of Future Brother-In-Law to plan his wedding in April, but if I were you I would try to change my honeymoon. It’s just a matter of being the bigger person and doing what you can to minimize conflict between family. 10 years from now it’s not going to matter that you took your honeymoon in a different month. But it will matter if there was a huge fight amongst the family.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    This is a non-issue until money is spent, either on your honeymoon or on his wedding venue.  Considering you likely can’t book your honeymoon until at least April, if not May, you have 4 months to sort this our.  Perhaps his Girlfriend will put the kabash on an April wedding.  I wouldn’t even bring it up until they get a bit firmer on the wedding date, or it gets to March when you can start making travel arangements.

    Also, if you are going to go to Europe, even France, May is a wonderful time to go. The weather is nice, but the airfair is cheep!

    Post # 58
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @Christy42213:  Why not honeymoon in Hawaii, and go to Paris for your one year anniversary? 

    You can be seperate of your family in Hawaii and just join them for the day of the wedding and then seperate again.  Hawaii is a gorgeous place for a honeymoon.

    Post # 59
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @sxcwed:  That would cause way to much drama within the family.  Bad idea to skip the wedding.  How would you feel if your brother or sister didn’t attend your wedding?

    Post # 60
    Member
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @flapperphilosopher:  *head desk*  /sarcasim Your Future Brother-In-Law sounds SO thoughtful /sarcasim. 

    I had a “friend” who thought it was so great that they were getting married on my birthday and thought it would be “So awesome that I could celbrate my birthday at their wedding.”  Yep, have your wedding on one of the 7 most inconviene days of the year (the week between Christmas and New Years)  Drag my best friends four hours NORTH in the middle of winter in the upper midwest.  And with all the problems I know you and your Fiance are having, I will always remember the only Saturday birthday I get in 6 years as associated with a failed wedding… How thoughtful…

    Not a comment on your FBIL’s relationship, just… yeah, weddings and birthdays don’t need to be celbrated together. 

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