(Closed) FBIL's wedding and our honeymoon – potential conflict

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: What would you do?

    Change honeymoon month

    Have FI talk to his brother about his DW month

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 62
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    @flapperphilosopher:  Ok maybe not a throat punch but hit him in the forehead and ask him if he’s a had V8 becuase this guy is just not using his brain.  Now I think you should have Fiance call him and tell him that he thinks it would be weird for him to get married on FI’s birthday and the day should be just about the couple and you had kind of planned celebrating his birthday in Paris (even if you weren’t).  And then ask him if his dumbass even thought about your honeymoon.  I swear I think this guy just lives in his own little bubble, like hey I have this awesome idea lets throw everyone else’s ideas out the f-ing window because they’re stupid.

    Post # 63
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    If he hasn’t even proposed yet, you can always talk to Future Brother-In-Law and his SO after he’s proposed to see if maybe they’d be willing to plan it at an alternate date since you guys have already been planning this. As far as I’m concerned however, wedding trumps honeymoon. It sucks because you guys have been planning this for longer, but if you postponed the honeymoon already, what’s one more month or one less month? If Future Brother-In-Law and his SO are reasonable people (FBIL doesn’t sound it, but the same can’t necessarily be said for SO), then they’ll probably pick a different month anyway. And who knows? Maybe FBIL’s SO doesn’t even want a Destination Wedding in April 2015.

    Post # 65
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @flapperphilosopher:  Anyway, see what happens when they get engaged.  Have they even talked about this together?  How does he know she doesnt want a big fancy wedding in their hometown?

    Most guys don’t have much say in wedding planning. 😛

    Post # 66
    Member
    3679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Why hasn’t anyone put him in his place yet? Is your Mother-In-Law still paying for all of his extra Christmas guests? You guys are enabling him to act like this — somebody needs to give him a swift kick in the pants and tell him to grow up and stop acting like an asshole.

    Post # 67
    Member
    4435 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @flapperphilosopher:  I’d wait for the actual proposal and see what they plan. I’m sure he would want you and his brother at his wedding, so you could probably work something out. Neither of you have set anything in stone or booked anything, so it would be easy for either of you to switch months! Hawaii and Paris- awesome locations!

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    View original reply
    @MissyDoll:  I don’t know why this is directed at me as I’m not the OP.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @penguinbee:  “You can’t force anyone else to change what their plans are so the easiest thing to do is change your honeymoon dates” 

    …. but that essentially means the OP’s Future Brother-In-Law forcing the OP to change her honeymoon plans!

    Post # 72
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    I would step back from this issue and give it some time to play out. April 2015 is a long way off and while it’s not a bad idea to make plans in advance, I wouldn’t lock yourself into anything either way this early. Let him propose, start planning the wedding and booking, and until you know for sure that there is a conflict, try not to get too worried about it. A lot can happen between now and then.

    Post # 73
    Hostess
    7547 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It’s interesting that the poll is pretty split.

    I would wait this one out a bit. You haven’t booked your honeymoon yet. They haven’t booked their wedding yet. Things could change in the next year and a half. After Future Brother-In-Law proposes and they start to firm up plans you can all talk about your schedules.

    However, if it still turns out that everybody wants April 2015, I would say a wedding trumps a vacation In My Humble Opinion. 

     

    Post # 74
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You can’t force him to change his plans, but he also can’t force you guys to change yours. I’m with your Future Mother-In-Law, and I would be annoyed if I found out that someone was doing this. There are plenty of months to choose from, and they chose the month you are supposed to be going away for your honeymoon. It’s not just some vacation even though it is taking place months after your wedding.

    I am assuming that since you are still over a year away from your honeymoon that you don’t have anything set in stone yet, and probably won’t for at least a few more months. I would continue talking to the family as if you are still going on your honeymoon in April while just waiting to see what Future Brother-In-Law does. They may not get engaged anytime soon, may change their minds on the months or even having a Destination Wedding at all, so I wouldn’t make any plan changes just yet.

    If he does decide to keep his Destination Wedding in April, and you both decide that it’s best to change the dates of your honeymoon I would definitely go with no later than May, but my suggestions would be to go in March. We went to Paris last March, and it was super cheap compared to the cost to travel in May, and May was a lot less than during the summer months. That’s just information from my experience! LOL

    Post # 75
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @Christy42213:  Sorry, must of hit the wrong reply!!!

    Post # 76
    Member
    13653 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    IMO what would be rude is Future Brother-In-Law expecting OP and her Fiance lto pay fortunes of money and possibly giving up their only chance for a  vacation in a year for the “privilege” of taking someone else’s vacation, ie attending his destination wedding. OP and her Fiance are well within the bounds of good manners to give Future Brother-In-Law a heads up that it may be too difficult/expensive for them to  attend, particularly then. Anyone would be. That’s the risk you take when you have a Destination Wedding.  

    I wouldn’t tell him to change his date, though.  That’s entirely up to him. 

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