(Closed) FBIL's wife — vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
6574 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

 Maybe she has a chip on her should because you call her a homewrecker and think the only reason her husband married her was because she got pregnant.

Post # 3
Member
2956 posts
Sugar bee

Why does this bother you? Seems pretty clear that everyone favors you over her anyway.

Post # 6
Member
6574 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
starrynight898:  so everyone was against them getting married? Seems even more of a reason for her not to be overjoyed at the prospect of family social hour. Sounds like your whole family was pretty cruel to her as she was joining the family.  You shouldn’t be surprised that there’s some bad feelings still between everyone. And if you are seriously casting shade at her for not eating cake right after dinner, then perhaps she can tell how much you dislike her. If your attitude comes across to her as clearly as it does here, then it really shouldn’t be a surprise that she’s not in a hurry to be your BFF.

Post # 7
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

yeah, id totally just ask her upfront what is her deal, who knows, she may even open up to you. Do not stoop to her level, she seems bitter due to past family occurrences but, that is her battle. She has to work through that. If I were you I’d actually pity her as it seems she’s had it rough. 

Post # 9
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
starrynight898:  Seems like she’s getting the bad end of this deal. Speaking in chinese sometimes pales in comparision to having a family in law that looks down on you and sounds like they basically hate you. Do you have sympathy for her? That could help you deal with this.

Edit – I understand why you’re frustrated, as it does sound like she’s trying to purposely exclude you. But there’s so much more going on here, and understanding why she’s acting that way (probably because she feels terrible and doesn’t know how to deal with it) should go a long way in making it more bearable. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by hellohedwig.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by hellohedwig.
Post # 11
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Why not learn the language? It would be helpful in general.  I’m currently taking classes 

Post # 13
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
starrynight898:  Unfortunately it is usually the people who say “obviously won’t be conveyed in real life” who don’t realise how much their body language and facial expression actually does show what they are feeling. 

And the fact that you were so snarky and defensive to 

View original reply
Horseradish:  doesn’t really hold up with your “innocent” party line. 

I won’t deny that her behaviour isn’t a bit hmmmm especially the choosing to speak a different language to exclude you but I really think it is more a two cats fighting situation than her just being mean.

Post # 14
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
starrynight898:  Exactly. As kind as the in laws have been to you, they have not shown her the same respect. It seems that they have facilitated the sense of competition that she feels by distinguishing between you, “their own daughter,” and her, “the mother of their grandchild” who they are “forced to interact with.” Attitudes like this shine through, and it doesn’t sound like they’ve even tried to hide it.

So, she’s handling the insecurity of feeling like an outsider in an immature way, by trying to underscore the one area in which she does fit with the family more than you.

Instead of treating the symptom (she’s excluding you), I’d address the root. Does she have some positive qualities, or something you can connect with? Could your Fiance talk to his parents about how they treat her?

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

While her response is petty, this does sound like a list of reasons why you don’t like her, rather than “reasons she could have a chip on her shoulder” (why would she care if you went to college? But it sure sounds like you care that she didn’t – or at least are using it as an example of why you dislike her). 

And as PP said, that level of dislike is always very obvious. Hence her petty exclusion of you at times. 

The topic ‘FBIL's wife — vent’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors