(Closed) FBIL's wife — vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 60
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

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BalletParker:  we treat people who marry in just fine, but they are not full family. Them’s the breaks. My brother is my brother for life but his wife is not equivalent to him in my eyes. if my brother and his wife got divorced she would be out of my life, that’s not treating her like trash. I can be fully nice to my brother’s wife without loving her like I love my brother. 100% of my loyalties lie with my brother’s wife as long as they are on the same team. As soon as my brother is  a different team, my support goes with him. 

The OP should watch her back. She is just an in law at the end of the day. None of this changes that the OP’s Future Sister-In-Law is being a jerk to the OP. The OP isn’t the reason her in laws don’t like her Future Sister-In-Law. The OP isn’t the reason they judge her. The OP’s Future Sister-In-Law should not be taking out in law related aggression on the OP.

Post # 61
Member
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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luv2luv:  you’re using examples that are totally different from this situation.

The woman IS married to the Future Brother-In-Law. She IS the mother of their child. They aren’t divorced.

So you saying you’d side with your brother if they got a divorce doesn’t make sense in justifying the way this family is treating this woman.

The brother in law is on same team with his wife, so saying you’d be cool with her if they were on the same team means as long as they were on same side, you would be respectful. Right. This couple is on same side, they are married, the wife deserves a modicum of respect.

At any rate, we disagree on the sitch and that’s fine. I’m not invested in this. I gave my opinion, you disagreed, you still disagree, that’s fine. 

Post # 62
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

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Post # 63
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My only advice now is to avoid this “I’m the good DIL”/”she’s the bad DIL” mindset. It’s reductive and unfair to both of you. This “forced to interact with her” attitude of the in laws baffles me.

My parents always taught me that you can find geniuses at Harvard and at the local community college. You can find jerks in both places, too.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by hellohedwig.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by hellohedwig.
Post # 65
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

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Post # 66
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

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panda1016:  That is a wonderful response. +100

Post # 67
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

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starrynight898:  Your FBIL’s wife can be all you want, but it looks like she can read people well.

Post # 68
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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solnishko1186:  +1, for noting the sexism–damn. Plus, I also park my kid in front of the TV from time to time, especially if I’ve been on sole childcare for a while. #sorrynotsorry

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Robyn0214:  Yup.

Post # 69
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

 

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panda1016:  you nailed it.

To be honest I’m not sure I’d want to speak to OP either. Maybe the reason she speaks Chinese is so she doesn’t have to make conversation with someone who clearly thinks she’s better than everyone else.

OP I am shocked that not only are you okay with your future in-laws treatment of you Future Sister-In-Law but that you actively agree with it. I’d hate to marry into such an unwelcoming and judgmental family. One day you’ll do something they don’t agree with and you’ll be treated like an outcaset as well, I only hope you Future Sister-In-Law is kinder than you and doesn’t participate. 

 

Post # 70
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

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starrynight898:  who is married to the oldest son? that is the only thing that really matters in my Chinese family.

Post # 72
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

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BothCoasts:  OMG, you put your child in front of tv? NOOOO. How terrible of you. 😉

Post # 73
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

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solnishko1186:  I did that too, for many years.  Do you think being in front of TV for so long will invalidate their college degrees? 😬

Post # 74
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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solnishko1186:  I know…but he’s not Harvard material anyway.  I *might* get him Mandarin lessons, tho..

(which is another weird point–a college degree is great and all, I’m certainly proud of my own, yet I’m still in awe of anyone who is bilingual, period, but especially when those two languages are English and Mandarin, which are among the hardest languages on earth!)

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by BothCoasts.

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