(Closed) FBIL's wife — vent

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 75
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

So Bertha is a home wrecker because she got pregnant by her boyfriend?

Post # 76
4027 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No wonder why she doesn’t want to speak English……

Post # 77
2813 posts
Sugar bee

Robyn0214:  I guess depends if they are watching Kardashians or Shark Tank…ha. 

BothCoasts:  Multiple languages is definitely impressive. I will go on a limp here and assume that she immigrated here from another country, learned English, started her life from scratch, and that is a tough thing to go through. I have tons of respect solely for that, without even knowing her. And totally irrelevant, but Asian culture, at least in my opinion and past experience is one where I found people to be most polite and respectful. And their family values are full of devotion. 

Post # 78
161 posts
Blushing bee

Can’t we all get along?

Post # 79
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

starrynight898:  she’s married to the oldest son and she speaks chinese? that woman will never give a damn about you, traditionally you’re beneath her! you need to just give up, stop interacting completely, you are nothing to her, she’ll probably let her kids bully your kids in the future too. My best advice is to avoid her.

She’s got serious power even if the in-law parents don’t like her, she’s the mother of the family heir. Traditional Chinese families are not democratic or equal or politically correct, and I don’t think you’ll be able to change anything until the elders die. If you try and end up creating drama to disgrace the family somehow- you won’t be “like a daughter” anymore, married or not.

Post # 80
1262 posts
Bumble bee

Do you worry,  on some level, that the way the in laws talk about her could eventually be the way they talk about you?  I wouldn’t blame you for feeling insecure. I feel  sorry for berthy.  Her behavior was wrong, but you can see where her pain comes from.  

Post # 81
142 posts
Blushing bee

Your getting a lot of harsh comments. Maybe no one likes this girl because she’s rude? i doubt she’s rude because no one likes her. She may have brought it on herself or not. I wasn’t there and neither were any if the bees giving you hell. Girls are catty. Regardless stay the bigger person and ignore it. She’s making herself look bad. 

Post # 82
662 posts
Busy bee

yupmarried:  six pages in, you’re the only one who pointed out that she may be a Chinese traditionalist. I never thought of that but if she is, it makes sense why she would be rude about the language thing. A lot of traditionalists look down upon those who don’t speak the mother tongue. It may be one of her few claims to superiority.  

Post # 83
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Post # 84
3611 posts
Sugar bee

yupmarried:  I’m not Chinese, but I’m Asian from an uber-traditional and hierarchical culture as well, and I was just going to say that I would be shocked if the in-laws actually value this DIL as little as they tell OP. She’s ethnically Chinese and speaks the language fluently (I’m unclear on whether OP is Chinese or not, but from the fact that she doesn’t speak the language, I’m thinking not), and if her kid is a boy, then game over, Bertha wins. These things are all incredibly important in traditionalist families. I bet that if you were to ask Bertha what she thinks of OP, she’d give a laundry list of reasons as to why she is superior to OP as well.

Also, maybe she’s a Stay-At-Home Mom by choice rather than because she can’t find a job. If I were OP, I wouldn’t count that as a reason to think I was better than her.

Post # 85
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

starrynight898:  I think her behavior is pretty shitty toward you but I’ve got to say, the woman who sleeps with a married man is not the homewrecker. Your Future Brother-In-Law made a commitment to his wife. Shacking up with a married dude is of course not cool, but the person who wrecked the home is undoubtedly your Future Brother-In-Law. We need to stop blaming women for men’s infidelity.

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