(Closed) Fear of Bridesmaid Rejection

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What a dilemma!  I faced a similar issue; I had a friend who made comments all through college like, oh, I would never wear that color in your wedding, etc. (i.e., always presuming that she would be a bridesmaid).  If I had gotten married in college or immediately thereafter, I would have had no doubts about asking her.  We drifted a little afterward, though, so I wasn’t really sure if I should ask her or if she would feel weird about me asking her.  Anyway, I ended up deciding to ask her, and I am so happy that I did!  She is always the first to email with planning suggestions and always wants to participate when I ask for help. 

I guess I have two pieces of advice for you: First, if you would feel comfortable speaking candidly with her, maybe you should just say–I would love for you to be a part of my wedding, and I also want you to know that there are several options for you to choose from–you could stand by me (along with our other college friends) as bridesmaids, or if you would prefer, it would be an honor if you would consider (fill in the blank, like greeting all of our guests on the special day).  I would just frame the question as, I know how expensive it can be to be a part of the wedding party, so I just wanted you to know there was another option, if you so choose.  You know what I mean?  That way, she’ll have a "way out" rather than just saying yes out of obligation.

The other advice is to consider just asking her, especially if you get the feeling she would say yes.  Like I said before, that’s what I did and I am really happy (and so is my friend!).  But you know your situation better than anyone.  And maybe your other college friends could help?  Maybe their first role as BMs would be to help you figure out what to do (of course, only if you trust them to use discretion).

Good luck!!

Post # 4
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

That’s quite the dilemma!  Whatever you decide, it has to make you happy.  You can’t have people in your bridal party out of guilt.  Someone posted about a situation where they were also having similar feelings about their bridal party here

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Do the other 2 gals keep in better contact with her?  Could you hint around to them?  Maybe not.  How would you feel about being asked/not being asked to be her BM?

If it’s all or none, I say ask them all.  It’s pretty common for people to look back at their wedding pictures and not be as close to some people as they once were.  however you might regret not asking girls you really wanted as BMs.

Post # 6
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with Tanya. I knew who my maid of honor would be, and I had her put the feelers out for whether or not 2 of our mutual friends wanted to be in the wedding. As it turned out; one did and one didn’t and I never would have known if not for her.

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