Post # 1
We’re having a small wedding, so initially I just thought I’d ask my sister and a close friend to be bridesmaids. I’d originally considered asking my 3 college girlfriends- we all lived together, and I was similarly close with all of them. Now, we currently live on opposite ends of the U.S., and I keep in touch more frequently with two of them.
In general, I’m an introvert and not a huge phone person, so I talk to two of them probably 4-5 times a year, and certainly call if any major life happenings occur. The third friend and I probably haven’t talked on the phone or seen each other in 3 or 4 years, but we keep up with each other’s blogs, so know what’s going on in each other’s lives, and we email every so often. I know we both really do care about the other person- we just don’t take the time to call, even when major life happenings occur, like engagement or childbirth. I completely call the other two when big stuff happens!
These ladies are my friends going back a decade, so I know if I don’t have these girls as bridesmaids, I will regret it, but honestly I feel closer to the two. There’s seriously just no way I could make the third friend anything but a bridesmaid if I choose the other two. I’m trying to decide if I should ask all three, or to ask none and try to involve them in my day another way.
I guess it comes down to this: I really DO want to ask the two girls to be bridesmaids, and worry that the third friend will feel strange about me asking her as well. I think I have some sort of fear of her begrudgingly saying yes out of obligation. I hate thinking that she might feel like we’re not close enough- but for all I know, she would be honored. Is it completely nutty to feel close to someone you were friends with 10 years ago but only communicate with via cyberspace? Asking my bridesmaids has been tough for me- I think I have some sort of rejection issues in general, so even felt nervous asking my sister and other good friend.
Post # 3
What a dilemma! I faced a similar issue; I had a friend who made comments all through college like, oh, I would never wear that color in your wedding, etc. (i.e., always presuming that she would be a bridesmaid). If I had gotten married in college or immediately thereafter, I would have had no doubts about asking her. We drifted a little afterward, though, so I wasn’t really sure if I should ask her or if she would feel weird about me asking her. Anyway, I ended up deciding to ask her, and I am so happy that I did! She is always the first to email with planning suggestions and always wants to participate when I ask for help.
I guess I have two pieces of advice for you: First, if you would feel comfortable speaking candidly with her, maybe you should just say–I would love for you to be a part of my wedding, and I also want you to know that there are several options for you to choose from–you could stand by me (along with our other college friends) as bridesmaids, or if you would prefer, it would be an honor if you would consider (fill in the blank, like greeting all of our guests on the special day). I would just frame the question as, I know how expensive it can be to be a part of the wedding party, so I just wanted you to know there was another option, if you so choose. You know what I mean? That way, she’ll have a "way out" rather than just saying yes out of obligation.
The other advice is to consider just asking her, especially if you get the feeling she would say yes. Like I said before, that’s what I did and I am really happy (and so is my friend!). But you know your situation better than anyone. And maybe your other college friends could help? Maybe their first role as BMs would be to help you figure out what to do (of course, only if you trust them to use discretion).
Post # 4
That’s quite the dilemma! Whatever you decide, it has to make you happy. You can’t have people in your bridal party out of guilt. Someone posted about a situation where they were also having similar feelings about their bridal party here.
Post # 5
Do the other 2 gals keep in better contact with her? Could you hint around to them? Maybe not. How would you feel about being asked/not being asked to be her BM?
If it’s all or none, I say ask them all. It’s pretty common for people to look back at their wedding pictures and not be as close to some people as they once were. however you might regret not asking girls you really wanted as BMs.
Post # 6
I agree with Tanya. I knew who my maid of honor would be, and I had her put the feelers out for whether or not 2 of our mutual friends wanted to be in the wedding. As it turned out; one did and one didn’t and I never would have known if not for her.