Fear of Death – is this normal?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think this is normal. I feel this way a lot. I’m terrified of death (as I’m sure many people are) and often worry that something bad will happen to Darling Husband. If you think it’s affecting you to a point where it’s taking over your thoughts, it’s never a bad idea to see someone! Even if it just helps for you to talk to someone about it. I’ve gone to therapy before and always found it beneficial. You aren’t alone ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’re not crazy but I do think you should seek help. I had to go to a therapist after my daughter was born. Like you, I’d never been happier and I was terrified that something would take me away from her. It really helped me snap back into the present rather than fearing the future.

Post # 5
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

You are definitely not crazy. I agree with PP’s, if these feelings get really overwhelming then seeing a therapist is a good idea.

It is definitely frightening to think of the possibility of losing someone you love so incredibly much.

I had a boyfriend that I loved very very much pass away suddenly, and I also lost a good friend to cancer at 24. These experiences have made me extra…aware and conscious of the fact that anything can happen.

But it is important not to let these fears prevent you from enjoying the present. I hope you can let go of these fears in any way that helps…

 

Post # 7
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@Evie19: I’m really sorry for your losses.  It’s incredibly difficult to lose someone you love, and to go through that pain twice must have been very painful for you.

OP, I do worry about losing my Darling Husband too.  I always have, but now that he’s in the military, I fight the tendency to worry even more.  I often have nightmares about him returning from a deployment and not remembering me… or coming home in a casket.  It’s reality for me that he has a very risky job and there’s always going to be a chance he won’t come home.

However, I can’t let that fear rule my life.  Anyone can die at anytime from anything.  If he didn’t have this job, he might die on the way home from the office, or die doing a sport he loves (rock climbing). 

I don’t control the future, I can only control my present.  I have found it’s best to not even worry about what could happen and focus on enjoying the everyday moments, because if something bad were to happen, I would want to look back on these years together fondly and without regret that I wasted them worrying.

Post # 11
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Zama Beach Club, Isla Mujeres, Mexico

I am glad you posted this. I was actually going to write a blog post about something similar. I have this irrational fear that my mom and dad are suddenly going to die and it didn’t start until I got engaged. Like other bees said, I’m thinking about talking to someone to help me through it! Ain’t no shame in that game ๐Ÿ™‚
I would just love to be able to put those thoughts out of my head and fully enjoy wedding planning.

Post # 12
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

it’s totally normal i think! i have had that fear too.  but it is always helpful to seek counseling – i’ve had it three times (i’m a bit of a nutter) and the first two I saw were great but the third one I just didn’t click with – please don’t let that put you off. just find someone that you get on better with and i’m sure you will find it very helpful.  and congrats on your engagement!! 

Post # 13
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Juliepants: Your questions were not at all impolite!

Actually I was going to ask you if you had been through some other trauma lately to bring on this sense of fear lately…

It makes a lot of sense that dealing with your parents’ health issues would bring these kinds of thoughts to the forefront.

Definitely you have to find a right fit with your therapist. I got lucky- with my first one we just clicked immediately and worked well together. But many friends have told me how turned off they became to therapy due to therapists/psychologists whose personalities and methods they just didn’t jive with. Its helpful to try again and see if another may be a better fit.

Also to answer your question.. yes, I think those experiences did affect me longterm and I think I get scared/paranoid/worked up more easily than I used to. For the most part these thoughts aren’t taking over my life, but I do think I may start trying yoga to relax a bit more. It is so so difficult to accept that we do not have control over so many things in life. It sounds so simple, but it is hard to accept with peace.

Post # 15
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I am shocked that so many people think this is normal.  I don’t think you should think about tragedy striking on a daily basis.

Post # 16
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Sunflower–girl: No one said it was healthy or the best way to live- we all just said it was understandable. We also suggested therapy if it began taking over OPs life.

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