(Closed) Fear of guest wearing jeans and/or club clothes to formal wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have never, ever seen a guest in jeans at a wedding. I would imagine I dont even have those types in my family nor my social circle. Surely you know who you are inviting and if they are capable of wearing formal attire…..

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Why worry about it? You can only control what your wedding party wears, not the guests. Even if someone wears jeans, they’re the ones that will look bad. 

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@KingsDaughter:  I have but I just feel bad for the underdressed person. It doesn’t have any affect on my life and worrying about it won’t change the outcome. 

Post # 8
Member
8487 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve thought about this too, but in the end, its not that big of a deal. Its not like you’re going to put pictures of them on the wall or anything.

Post # 9
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

It’ll be fine. What’s important is tht you’re surrounded by your favourite people, no matter what they wear. Maybe you’ll be so happy to see them on your big day that you won’t really care….

Post # 10
Member
4659 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Seems like wasted effort to care about it. You can’t control it, and only they will look silly and out of place if the dress to the wrong formality. It won’t reflect on you.

Post # 11
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

@KingsDaughter:  From personal experience, my daughter’s wedding earlier this month, we had ‘semi-formal’ reception so I expected some suit jackets, or at best a good shirt with a tie and some nice cocktail dresses.

I was really worried about my daughter/SIL’s friends because it was really a family wedding, everyone got to bring their children if they wanted, some opted not to.

So here goes…. the big surprise was one of our other daughter’s SO (we have 3 daughters) dressed in a knitted, short sleeves polo shirt with jogger type shoes  WHAT GIVES.  We discussed this after the wedding and our daughter said that it was a hot day!!  So I guess the sun was just shining on her SO!!

From our own family after all the instructions/guidance I gave our children, one of our own family turns up looking like he is going to a Sunday BBQ.

It really upset me, but my daughter (the bride) and her husband didn’t even notice they were having such a wonderful time.  You cannot, and I really mean cannot control other people even your own family.  I am sure you have at least 100 other things to worry about.

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I wore pants to a wedding… I gained 30 pounds after hurting my lower back and I have huge calves from birth and this ain’t the 1950’s I’ll wear my dress pants if I want! Just because I have a vagina at a formal occasion doesn’t mean I’m going to put it in a dress/skirt. 

Ok… Rant over, but, is it actually an issue to not wear a dress? 

Post # 13
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@justagirlxo88:  No, it’s not an issue to wear dress pants. That’s absurd. 

OP, you really cannot control what people do. No one judges the hosts if a guest is not dressed appropriately. At my anniversary party, one of my BFFs’ fiances showed up wearing jeans and a casual shirt. Everyone else was wearing nice clothes, and it was a relatively casual party. (Outside, I didn’t expect suit jackets, it was 95 degrees in July). Even in the photos, it’s not that big of a deal. I’d much rather someone come than not. 

There’s so many other things to worry about, this one is not worth your energy. Trust me.

Post # 14
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Um, there is nothing wrong with women wearing pants to a wedding?

I guess you know your guests best. Have you been to other family weddings where these family member and friends wore jeans? Can you count on them to follow the dress code you want?

Post # 15
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@KingsDaughter:  If you really wish you can hire a “bouncer” that will man the door to the reception for the first hour or two (they may have a minimum) that can enforce the dress code. 

 

Its a bit extreme but if you’re really worried then I would do that. If you want this bouncer can also serve as a “card box watcher” so you end up getting more bang for your buck.

 

I do understand your worries, my cousin brought a date to her sister’s wedding and he showed up in raggedy dress pants, random polo and dirty/gross running shoes. I thought it terrible of him AND of my cousin for allowing him to attend in such a state. Even if they didn’t say “formal” on the invite, I thought it terrible and still remember it years after the wedding. It definitely detracted from the mood/feel of the whole event 🙁

Post # 16
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I used to know people who did this, they came in flip flops, jeans and a nice top they literally looked like they rolled out of bed and came to the wedding. Also because they were all friends, other guests did they same. It would irritate me no end if a group of people did this at my wedding. Just make an effort.

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