- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Short version: Mum wants to invite two elderly family friends to the wedding. I’ve barely seen them since I was a kid and my fiance has only met them once. Guest list pretty much at capacity (with people important to us, NOW); we are paying for everything ourselves. Mum has threatened that she will ‘regret it for the rest of her life’ if they aren’t invited. Mum’s wrath is one to be avoided.
Long-winded but more explanatory version (sorry but I did try to shorten it!): My parents migrated to Australia in the 80’s from Malaysia – although it was hard for them to become financially stable they have made it and have loved it here since before I was born (90s kid).
There was an older husband and wife couple (Australian) who somehow became good friends with my parents and helped them settle in. They continued to be family friends; they held me at the hospital when I was born and visited often when I was a small child. Eventually we moved away from them interstate when I was 6 and their visits were reduced to about once a year. We haven’t seen them for several years now, but they still occasionally phone through on my parents’ birthdays.
I am now 23 and getting married next year. Our wedding (which we are paying for ourselves) will be held interstate (all guests, and ourselves, would need to travel). The reception will be on a 4hr charter cruise around the local harbour. We have a limit of 70 people and I’m considering not inviting these old friends of my parents. My mum has gotten upset about it, saying it’s something she will ‘regret for the rest of her life’, but I’ve told her we’re already at capacity with our guest list and have only invited people known/special to, and who have been in recent, regular contact with, both my fiance and I.
I don’t know what to do. I’m expecting the “it’s your day, invite who you want” responses, and I’ve thought about it, but I’m really not looking forward to my mum holding this grudge against me (possibly both of us!) forever… and man that woman knows how to hold a grudge. I think she feels like she owes them something… but why this?? It’s so messy!
As for my own relationship with them, it was never really established as I only really spent time with them as a child so don’t remember; contact with them as an adult has been minimal and I would only make myself present out of politeness and for my parents. However I did always tend to get along with the older man more than his wife, who would always “one up” my mum whenever they talked about me and her grandchildren (same age as me).
Having them there also raises the question of what potential health risks the cruise may have for them (they would now be around late 60s early 70s). What if we’re on the cruise and one of them has a heart attack or something?! I would hate for something like that to happen and not be able to get to the hospital in time etc etc. Or if they suddenly feel ill and need to leave (it’s not going to be as easy as simply excusing yourself from a hotel reception)? I apologise if I sound selfish… just some matter-of-fact things I’ve been considering.
Mum then had the nerve to point out “yeah but you’re inviting [fiance’s] uncle; he’s old too!”, to which I responded that my fiance’s uncle (whom we visited recently and is freakin awesome) is “blood related family, that’s different!”
I suppose I could send the invitation anyway, expecting them not to come as their older age may restrict their travel ability, but there’s always the ‘What If They Accept!’. Completely beside the fact that the guest list is pretty much full already!
If you’ve made it this far, thanks so much for reading and any advice you can give me would be much appreciated.
PS: My dad (usually the fence sitter backing me up under the pretence of siding with my mum) had nothing to say on the matter.