- 4 years ago
Meeh… I am so fed up to the point of tears. Which is totally ridiculous I know as i am luckier than most.. I have a nice man that loves me. But lately I have just been getting crosser and more fed up of f-ing waiting.
I am 26 and he is 31 and have been together for 4.5 years. Lived together for nearly 5 as we were in a house share as friends. We moved in alone 3.5 years ago.
At the start of the year we had a conversation and he said he couldn’t see it happening this year as he couldn’t afford it but maybe next year. To which i replied – who needs big and flashy as you can get married for under £200! No he said he wants to give me ‘what i deserve’ and needs to be out of debt for that – I have made it clear on several occasions I do not want a big wedding as I do not like all the fuss.
However, this year he has been ridiculous with money and has got himself into even more debt.
We have talked about marriage and weddings quite often. I go through stages of silence and word vomit…
Sometimes he even brings it up but worse but sometimes jokes about it… Always ends the same ‘i do want to marry you..’ with the silent ‘but’ lingering in the air
Until last week. Recently a mass of friends have got engaged. We have at least 3 weddings coming up. I said ‘so when are we going to get married?’ he got a bit pissy and replied with ‘i have no plans or a timeline in mind. You know I don’t like planning or thinking ahead.’ and that was the end of the conversation…. I am majorly upset.
I have the added pressure of having kids. I have a genetic condition and where I am luckily ok, my child might not be so lucky. So I would like to do PDG (which is like IVF but they screen the embryos and implant the healthy ones). I refuse to have kids before marriage. Not that it is on the table anyway as he won’t talk about that either.
I am just so fed up and low. Gah.. I’m sick of the comments from everyone! I just don’t know what to think.