(Closed) Fed up of being USED, please help!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would just wait until next time she asks and say you will be out of town, or that you’ll have another houseguest that weekend.  Also, change your hiding place for your house key – just in case! Good luck, that sounds like an annoying situation!

Post # 4
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

When she calls or emails and asks to stay at your house, say no.  If she asks again, say no.  If she keeps asking, keeping saying no.  You can be nice or you can not be nice, but just say no. 

Post # 5
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You are way too polite for your own good. I personally do not like making up excuses and tend to be blunt and probably would tell her that I do not like being used and the free room and board are no longer an option for her.

Post # 6
Member
5904 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

the ball’s in your court.  she can only make you feel bad if you let her- don’t give her the opportunity to walk all over you and she can’t touch you.

Post # 7
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

The next time she asks, you need to very clearly tell her NO.  Psych yourself up for it, because I know that saying no to someone can be hard.  But you’re not friends with her, she’s not a nice person, she’s not a positive presence in your life, so WHAT DOES IT MATTER if she’s offended?  If any of your mutual friends accuse you of “being mean” to her, just tell them exactly what you’ve told us, and they will understand.  You must have the patience of an angel, because I would have thrown her off a cliff in frustration looong before now.  You sound like a lovely person, and you need to immediately prevent her from continuing to take advantage of you!

Post # 8
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That girl is a moocher.  She will continue to live off your generosity until you finally kick her out.  I’ve seen nice people like you taken advantage of by moochers like her.  You need tell her you can’t have her living with you anymore, kick her out, and change your locks (as another poster wisely suggested).  Don’t worry about hurting her feelings; I’m sure she’s been kicked out before by the other people she’s mooched on.  You and your FI need your lives back.

Just put on the biggest hardest steel-toed boot you have, and kick her out!

Post # 9
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

TOTALLY say no next time this girl answers, read back over your other post and thought ‘well maybe the girl is just really insecure and that is why she’s hitting on your man’ but no, she sounds absolultely toxic. Stop being so lovely and kick her to the curb permanently!

Post # 11
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Stand up and say no.. or send her my way across state and ill tell her to mosey on off lol!

Def a moocher. I would just say next time she comes that its not convieniant and leave it at that. Thats if you cant bluntly say no.

Kick her to the curb!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.  I agree with the pps. 

I would actually start clean with a new locks.  (Call me paranoid.  Maybe she copied your keys.)  Then I would be sure to flat out tell her she cannot stay with you anymore.  (You can wait for her to ask.  But it isn’t necessary.)  Either way, you can tell her how you feel inconvenienced and used (ie. she doesn’t seem to even care if you’re home.)  YOu can say that she doesn’t offer any kind of compensation for ALLLL the resources she uses on you, just makes a mess, puts you out, and might spend the night….or not.

You say you’re not even really friends.  SO try not to let it get to you, if the “relationship” sours.  She might get pissed.  Who cares?  It probably can’t end that well, for you to say, stop visiting us, we’re not doing this anymore.  But you could try to do it in a calm “but we wish you the best” kind of way.

Post # 13
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have had this problem, too – more times than I’d like to admit. The thing is, there really are two types of people in this world, those who have no trouble at all imposing on others (TAKERS), and those who wouldn’t dream of doing so, try to be generous and then get totally taken advantage of. It is just hard, as the second type, to stand up to the first type. I really have a problem saying no to people, too, and I get really angry with them because I just can’t believe the utter gall they have! And then I get so mad at myself for letting them walk all over me. I am finally learning the beauty of NO, even though I hate confrontation and get all nervous and shaky when I do it.

Ultimately, you just have to say no to her. You don’t need to make excuses or justify yourself in any way. SHE is the one in the wrong, not you, although she will try to make it seem like YOU are being selfish. That is what Takers do. Just tell her the hotel is closed as of now. It will be temporarily painful (because she is sure to be obnoxious about it in some way), but the relief you will feel when you don’t have to put up with her anymore will be so worth it. Don’t worry about what she might say to other people. If they know her at all, they will know how she operates.

I agree with Tanya123, change the locks, too, just in case. I’ve had cases where these squatters have copied keys without asking.

Post # 14
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t even wait for her to ASK you again. Just email her outta the blue and say;

“Hi ____”

“How are you, bla bla bla …” ____ and I just wanted to let you know, before you make plans to visit, that he and I are not having anymore house guests for a while. It’s been hectic and busy for the last few months, and we have had no time for eachother. So, next time you plan to come to town, please make arrangements to stay somewhere other than our place. In the future, when we are ready to Welcome guests, we will invite you.”    “Take Care.”

 

That should do it. AND one other SUPER Important thing that you need to be reminded of is she is a manipulator, as you said. If SHE does not feel bad imposing herself on you, then why do YOU feel bad telling her she can’t stay. This always gets to me. Good people ALWAYS feel bad! Don’t feel bad. She is rude and it’s time for you to stop this. It is not fair on you and you have got to put you and your husband before her. Who is she? She is not a relative or close, long time friend. Bite the bullet, get it over with, and let her think you’re rude. Who cares– that way she won’t even WANT to mooch off of you anymore. AND if ANYONE is tactless enough to say anything to you about it. Simply say, “We are tired of having house guests. You take her in.” Period. Point. Finish.

God bless you for putting up with her butt for soooo long.

Stop it now, and DON’T feel bad–she should feel bad!!!

 

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